A Few Short Completely Random Funnies

[noobiechickenlady]

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and placed it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
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Clint Eastwood once crossed a road. No one ever questioned HIS intentions.
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A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.

As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."
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A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

The man replies, "I'm alright, but I didn't like the FOUR-LETTER-WORD the doctor used in surgery."

The nurse asked, "What did he say"?

OOPS!!!"
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What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop!
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How do you get a kleenex to dance?

Put a little boogey in it.
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And this one made me think of Beekissed...
While driving down the road a man ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a Bee flew in his window.
The Bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?
"I'm out of gas," replied the man.
The Bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," exclaimed the Bee!
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you do???"
"Ahhh, it was easy," said the Bee. We just filled it up with "BP".

 

[Beekissed]

 

[big brown horse]

Thanks Noobie, I needed that! (I love jokes that can get you laughing without the need to be crass.)

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

LOVED the "BP"

 

[davaroo]

A man was driving out in the country one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road. He was amused enough by the sight to drive along side it for a while. Then he noticed the chicken was pacing him at 30 mph.

"Pretty fast chicken," he muttered, "I wonder just how fast it can run?" So he sped up - and the chicken did too! They were now moving along at 45 mph!

The man in the car sped up again, and to his surprise, the chicken began to pull away from him at 60 mph!!!

Suddenly, the tripedal chicken turned off the road and scooted down a long driveway, finally slowing up in front of a tidy farmhouse. He followed the chicken, of course, and saw a man in the yard with dozens of three legged chickens running around him.

The man careened into the yard in a cloud of dust, and skidded to a stop. He leaped from behind the wheel and shouted to the farmer, "Hey, man! I've never seen anything like what just happened with that chicken! How on earth did you ever get him and all these other three legged birds?"

The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya see it's just me, my wife and my son living here - the three of us. We all like chicken drumsticks a lot, but, chickens only have two legs. Soooooo, I started breeding this three legged variety, here. That way, we can all get our favorite piece, off of one chicken."

"That's amazing!" said the driver "How do they taste?"

"Well... I don't rightly know," said the farmer, scratching his head. "I can't catch one so's I can find out!"

 

[noobiechickenlady]

Love it!!