Rant!

[MorelCabin]

My son came home from school on Friday, told me he got in trouble with a group of boys at school because the boys he was with had intimidated a neighboring homeowner. My son says he was not involved, he stayed on the sidewalk during the whole episode, did not speak with this woman, and did not step on her property. The boys he was with (all except one of them) knocked on this woman's door to ask her why she was video taping them from her living room window...she got all upset and is apparently telling an inflated version of this story to the police.
Anyway, the school VP tried to call but I was out, and I haven't spoken to him about it yet. This incident happened on Thursday. I left a message with im on Thursday evening to say I had recieved his call and would discuss the incident with my sone, which I did.
I completely believe my son. I know it sounds biased, but I have raised 3 children and this one has always been an angel, has never lied to me, has never even given me any reason to ever raise my voice to him...yes he really is THAT good a kid...he is my blessing after a horrible experience with my first one and a not so great experience with my second:>) LOL! I never stick up for my kids when they are in the wrong, I believe that consequences for ones actions are a given. My oldest one ended up in juvie at 14, and I let it happen...he deserved it. My second I let fight her own battels...after all, she caused them with her own terrible attitude.
My youngest is loved by everyone he meets.
So anyway...
today he comes home and says that the kids were all brought to the VP's office and there was a social worker there from and outside source...that 'sourse' being the very one I begged and pleaded with for help with my oldest and was put on a 5 year waiting list...never got any...but now they are CHASING my youngest WHO DOESN"T NEED THIER HELP (ie: counselling programs, behavior modification programs, mental health issues etc) UGH!
They forced him to sign documents for a program...yup...CAN THEY DO THAT??? A 15 year old cannot sign authority without a parent present can they? He told them he didn't want to sign anything...I have always taught him never to sign anything if he was in trouble...but they FORCED him to sign 4 differnt documents and he doesn't know what they were for. This has 'illegal' written all over it!
On his way out of the office he told the man that 'they would definitely be hearing from his mother'

Darn Right!
So I look up this 'program' online...this is what I got:

"Peer Mediation/ Restorative Practices (top)

Peer Mediation/Restorative Practices service is available within the school setting for students who been involved with or affected by a specific school incident. This program is facilitated by the Peer Mediation/Restorative Practices facilitator from Hands, or by a fellow student who has been trained. The program is a voluntary process where every person involved has an equal voice.

Students who commit or participate in an offending behaviour at or against the school community are brought together with those who were directly affected by the offence in a meeting is that facilitated by a neutral party. The purpose for this integration is to repair the harm that was done by the offending behaviour. Parents, teachers and other school staff are welcome to participate in the meeting as appropriate. The incident is used as a learning tool that supports learning about social and conflict resolution skills while reducing the number of punitive consequences, such as a suspension or expulsion"


Am I over reacting by hunting this person down and telling him that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should by child have been forced to sign anything after telling them he didn't want to? That if outside help was brought in to this incident I should have been notified, that they are causing undue stress on my son with their 'program' just by the way they are initiating it...and that if it is so VOLUNTARY why was he forced to sign up for it...
Something aboiut this really leaves a sour tast in my mouth...I hate programs...

 

[FarmerDenise]

MorelCabin, I hear you. I get royally ticked off at stuff like that too. Teenagers have absolutely no rights!!!. If a parent doesn't stand up for them and their rights, they are screwed.

My DD was a good child also. I was actually worried about her, because she was always so well behaved.
School officials take plenty of liberties with our children. On the one hand they do have to deal with kids whose parents don't care or are not around enough to deal with their kids. But when a parent is obviously involved with their child, the school needs to remember that the parent is in charge and listen to that parent.
I had to fight plenty a battle with teachers and principals as far as my daughter was concerned.

I think I would read those school officials the riot act for how they treated your son!!! Your child should not have been forced to sign anything without his parents approval!!!! After all you want them to remember this incident and to not ever do a repeat performance.

That' my 2 cents, anyhow.

 

[MorelCabin]

Thanks Farmer
I am going in tomorrow and they are getting the riot act...for sure!

 

[redhen]

Wow wow WOW! No way they should have had him sign ANYTHING without parental consent....thats nuts! And illegal...
Yes..go and make a stink with them tomorrow!
Now..if your son didnt knock on this womans door then he is kinda being unfairly consequenced just because he was with them at the time.....

BUT..the other boys.... yeah...they have lots of nerve to be knocking on someones door and confronting an adult... they NEED to get in trouble..IMO
But if your son didnt do it..then i'd fight for him all the way! Good luck!

 

[freemotion]

Please, please, please don't take this as a criticism....I agree that this was NOT handled correctly.

Please consider also using this moment to teach your boy about standing up for what is right in the moment, which is more important than standing by and saying nothing when others behave badly. It is the difficult thing to do, and none of us will always do it. But what a wonderful opportunity for a conversation about how he might take action if and when something like this happens in the future, even just yelling at those boys to cut it out and to call apologies to the woman and then leave.

From your description of him, it sounds like he is the kind of kid that will have a lightbulb moment and it could be life-changing for not only him, but anyone he stands up for in the future.

 

[MorelCabin]

Please, please, please don't take this as a criticism....I agree that this was NOT handled correctly.

Please consider also using this moment to teach your boy about standing up for what is right in the moment, which is more important than standing by and saying nothing when others behave badly. It is the difficult thing to do, and none of us will always do it. But what a wonderful opportunity for a conversation about how he might take action if and when something like this happens in the future, even just yelling at those boys to cut it out and to call apologies to the woman and then leave.

From your description of him, it sounds like he is the kind of kid that will have a lightbulb moment and it could be life-changing for not only him, but anyone he stands up for in the future.

You have a good point, and I am going to discuss this with him, but he is a very shy kind of kid and not extremely verbal, which is a big part of the reason why the school seems to be able to get away with this with him. If this was either one of the other two, they would have stood right up to thier superiors, stated thier rights, and NOT been persuaded to sign anything...but they also would have been the ones knocking on the womans door...sheesh, where is the balance huh?

 

[freemotion]

Oh, I didn't mean standing up to the school authorities.... That is very, very tricky, and more your job, mama bear! I meant standing up to his peers when they are misbehaving towards a victim. That is much easier compared to standing down the principal or vice principal, for sure.

Wow, I really hated high school..... :/

 

[farmerlor]

Please, please, please don't take this as a criticism....I agree that this was NOT handled correctly.

Please consider also using this moment to teach your boy about standing up for what is right in the moment, which is more important than standing by and saying nothing when others behave badly. It is the difficult thing to do, and none of us will always do it. But what a wonderful opportunity for a conversation about how he might take action if and when something like this happens in the future, even just yelling at those boys to cut it out and to call apologies to the woman and then leave.

From your description of him, it sounds like he is the kind of kid that will have a lightbulb moment and it could be life-changing for not only him, but anyone he stands up for in the future.

I agree with Free. No, this most certainly should have been handled with parents present and a full discussion about the program they were signing up for. OTOH, my son was involved in an incident very, very tangentially at a time when he was not involved with school, classmates or school authorities-a sort of disenfranchised but extremely smart little guy. This peer mediation program was wonderful for him. Showed him different ways to avoid peer pressure, showed him some new kinds of friends to make, got him involved in some activities and now that he's in college I go back to that school and the teachers still gush about what a wonderful boy Adam was, always helpful to everyone, never bullying, a real friend and mentor to all.

 

[meriruka]

When I was younger, the school used to try to get me to sign stuff and I would always write "Signed under duress" - then my name.
I think the school is out of line on this one. Unless there was some sort of violence, they should have waited for you to be there before pursuing anything.

If the woman was really videotaping them, I hope she's got a shot of your son just standing on the sidewalk. You'd think they would be asking her some serious questions, hard to believe there was absolutely no reason for those boys to knock on her door.

 

[murphysranch]

When I was younger, the school used to try to get me to sign stuff and I would always write "Signed under duress" - then my name.

Excellent idea and one that I had forgotten about. A few years ago, I had a boss from you know where. He didn't like one single thing that I did, even tho he had just arrived to the company and I had been there for years. At my annual review, after a particularly bad verbal and written beating, he had me sign the review. I wrote: I completely disagree with my performance eval and am signing my name under duress.

Easy for a child to remember to write, Meriuka. Good suggestion for all of us.