Are we living our dream?

[baymule]

Your family loves you and it doesn’t get much better than that. You have devoted your whole life to caring for others. Now God says it’s your turn for others to care for you. It’s hard to accept after a lifetime of service to others. Big hugs.

 

[Mini Horses]

I'm so glad you were able to post an update. I'm praying for your recovery.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Hope you get that miracle!

 

[farmerjan]

Prayers for the radiation doing it's job and not too much problems for you to handle. The inactivity drove me nuts after the knee replacements with all the pain, so I can understand the frustration of not being able "to do"....
Keep up your spirits... you are on the "getting better side" of it....

 

[Medicine Woman]

well, it’s kind of late but happy new year. I feel well, but with a lot of limitations. My oncologist feels that I have responded well to my medication and that a no likelihood my tumor has decreased in size and the lesions are also dying. But he base his info on my bloodwork and physical appearance. He wants to send me for a CAT scan soon to confirm his suspicions. My surgeon also wants to send me for a CAT scan and another MRI before he removes all the rods and pins from my back, the rods and pins are probably what is causing so much discomfort for me at this point. I recently decided to stop all of my pain medication’s and muscle relaxers because I had realized that I was not in acute horrible pain, but only mild discomfort. I also wanted a new lease on life and I felt that my medication was causing too much sleep and stopping me from living my life and therefore my dreams. It occurred to me that I own more property than most people locally even though most of it is wetlands. I said to myself, my orchard and wetlands are all organic and full of edible weeds, mushrooms, and onions that I could be harvesting for my family. It would be kind of like walking through my property with a basket and imagining myself at one giant grocery store that would be free rather than sending DH to the actual grocery store with money to buy chemical laced foods. So that was my motivation and I can honestly say that I really have been suffering since altering my meds. And I have gone into the orchard and sat in my wheelchair. Watching DH and DD creating a wall out of fallen tree limbs around the pond. DH would like to grow merlitons and mushrooms on the logs. I kind of liked it. Gave me the feeling of like a food forest. So you know, my mine always works, and my body could never keep up with it even before the cancer. But I am trying to think of a way that perhaps I can grow some of my food myself. Maybe get involved with the Rabbit project because it looks like DH is really really forgetful. I still have my hair, although it is shorter because I went to a beautician and wanted layers and to lose at least 10 inches because my hair was too hard to manage with my weakness. I spent a lot of time inside. I don’t have perfect balance and I lost a lot of strength, but I can walk although not for long I can do a bit of clothes and hang it up but it takes me a while. I can manage to keep up some of the dishes, especially if I bring a stool to sit on. I need more help than I would like. Fortunately, my youngest child has been hanging around with me a lot lately. It does my heart good because most of the time I had been feeling like the mother from hell. She is now 15 but will be 16 in March , she is running a little bit on the wild side which scares me to an extent. But she seems to have a good head on her shoulders, and she wants to work towards some goals which I am trying to help her with so one hand seems to be washing the other. That’s kind of how we get through life sometimes. It is kind of humbling to go somewhere where I can’t bring my wheelchair and one of my children are holding my hand to guide me into a room or building until my wheelchair could be brought in for me. But I appreciate their help and concern. Sometimes I sit in my nice comfy chair, and I do some hand work like maybe mending my husband’s overalls. I really would like to start crocheting, but I need to finish a few projects first. I just want to feel useful. And if there ever was a time for me to begin writing again I think now is the time. It is very hard for me to get dressed because I can’t reach my feet or take care of my feet so if I am to be completely honest, sometimes I bring DD to school wearing my nightgown with a robe and I pray that I am not stopped. I have gone into my orchard dress the same and sat down on the wheelchair watching the family work, but I don’t dress this way if I’m going to be with people outside the family or if I’m going to one of my appointments. I hope my rods and pins could be removed soon, so I can actually take care of myself better I mean I can’t bend or twist at all. I am sorry if my words are used in properly or if my punctuation isn’t right because I have used voice typing . Even though I spent an excessive amount of time on my phone these days because of not having much else I am capable of I still like to do things quickly so I do apologize.
I have this wild idea of taking my 4 gallon, mayonnaise buckets filling them up with little sticks from the woods and topping it off with a bit of heat after I smash it down and then try to do some container/Hay bale gardening on the back porch, which is south facing. I think that would be very therapeutic for me. I can’t tell you how much I miss working as a nurse. DD number one has helped me apply for my Social Security benefits, and I am waiting for a decision. Both of my oncologist seem to think that I will reach my decision way before most people who have only suffered accidents. That is both encouraging and discouraging at the same time if you know what I mean. As much as I would miss it, I believe I would just except a disability decision and live my dream full-time. Not that I want to be lazy, but even though my cancer is currently behaving itself or seems to be, I have missed several months of work and apparently this is just my first bout with cancer. My oncologist is prepared to later need to change my medication if my body doesn’t stops responding to the meds. Most people with my diagnosis or dead within five years. I am more hoping to belong to the 29% club rather than the 71% club. I mean I feel well. I certainly don’t feel like I’m dying not anymore anyway. I guess my test will reveal something.
Oh that’s a whole lot. Easier said than done. My mind wants to garden. My mine wants to move does into bucks cages. My mind wants to totally manage this house and cook food from scratch and go foraging. But my body is so weak and unsteady. I appreciate whatever good wishes, prayers, that anyone has to send my way. I don’t feel like I’m quite finished yet.
I did talk to DH about letting all of you know should anything happened to me but I don’t think he understand how to use my phone exactly. I will ask should anything happened to me but I don’t think he understand how to use my phone exactly. I will SDD ask DD to look at my phone with me one day so she could do the honors God for bid. Hopefully you’ll have my ramblings for many years to come.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Glad you're doing better even if you're not back to the health status that you want. Hopefully that will happen in due time. It's good to hear that you have goals you'd like to reach. I think that helps everyone!

So good to hear from you!

 

[flowerbug]

i was thinking of you this morning and wondering how you were doing. thank you for the update. i have to read it now, but wanted to say thank you and welcome back first.

wow that is all a lot of things to think about and i'm glad you're able to get around and not bound to a hammock unless you want to be.

i'm very glad DD is there with you and has some abilities, i was always raised to be fairly self-competent just because of being the youngest of the four of us siblings, it was self-preservation to pay attention to what was going on around me and to figure out how to get along no matter what. i hope this experience will help her even if it is difficult.

for farming mushrooms the best approaches i've heard of so far are starting with fairly newly cut down greener wood that hasn't been infected too much with strange fungi so that it can be innoculated with known strains that you can easily identify so that you avoid problems of not knowing if the mushrooms are safe or not. i had plans of doing that here but those plans fell through and i've not ever had a chance to restart them. good luck!

for the pain meds i would have suggested easing off on them gradually after consulting with the doc to make sure they knew what was going on. sometimes withdrawal symptoms can be really horrid, but you probably know all this so i'll shut up...

 

[Mini Horses]

Soooo very glad to hear from you!!! Its great to be moving around some, even not at 100%. That and being outside will do wonders for you. Yes, a couple plants in pots sounds terrific. Prayers coming your way. Keep up the good work.

 

[tortoise]

well, it’s kind of late but happy new year. I feel well, but with a lot of limitations. My oncologist feels that I have responded well to my medication and that a no likelihood my tumor has decreased in size and the lesions are also dying. But he base his info on my bloodwork and physical appearance. He wants to send me for a CAT scan soon to confirm his suspicions. My surgeon also wants to send me for a CAT scan and another MRI before he removes all the rods and pins from my back, the rods and pins are probably what is causing so much discomfort for me at this point. I recently decided to stop all of my pain medication’s and muscle relaxers because I had realized that I was not in acute horrible pain, but only mild discomfort. I also wanted a new lease on life and I felt that my medication was causing too much sleep and stopping me from living my life and therefore my dreams. It occurred to me that I own more property than most people locally even though most of it is wetlands. I said to myself, my orchard and wetlands are all organic and full of edible weeds, mushrooms, and onions that I could be harvesting for my family. It would be kind of like walking through my property with a basket and imagining myself at one giant grocery store that would be free rather than sending DH to the actual grocery store with money to buy chemical laced foods. So that was my motivation and I can honestly say that I really have been suffering since altering my meds. And I have gone into the orchard and sat in my wheelchair. Watching DH and DD creating a wall out of fallen tree limbs around the pond. DH would like to grow merlitons and mushrooms on the logs. I kind of liked it. Gave me the feeling of like a food forest. So you know, my mine always works, and my body could never keep up with it even before the cancer. But I am trying to think of a way that perhaps I can grow some of my food myself. Maybe get involved with the Rabbit project because it looks like DH is really really forgetful. I still have my hair, although it is shorter because I went to a beautician and wanted layers and to lose at least 10 inches because my hair was too hard to manage with my weakness. I spent a lot of time inside. I don’t have perfect balance and I lost a lot of strength, but I can walk although not for long I can do a bit of clothes and hang it up but it takes me a while. I can manage to keep up some of the dishes, especially if I bring a stool to sit on. I need more help than I would like. Fortunately, my youngest child has been hanging around with me a lot lately. It does my heart good because most of the time I had been feeling like the mother from hell. She is now 15 but will be 16 in March , she is running a little bit on the wild side which scares me to an extent. But she seems to have a good head on her shoulders, and she wants to work towards some goals which I am trying to help her with so one hand seems to be washing the other. That’s kind of how we get through life sometimes. It is kind of humbling to go somewhere where I can’t bring my wheelchair and one of my children are holding my hand to guide me into a room or building until my wheelchair could be brought in for me. But I appreciate their help and concern. Sometimes I sit in my nice comfy chair, and I do some hand work like maybe mending my husband’s overalls. I really would like to start crocheting, but I need to finish a few projects first. I just want to feel useful. And if there ever was a time for me to begin writing again I think now is the time. It is very hard for me to get dressed because I can’t reach my feet or take care of my feet so if I am to be completely honest, sometimes I bring DD to school wearing my nightgown with a robe and I pray that I am not stopped. I have gone into my orchard dress the same and sat down on the wheelchair watching the family work, but I don’t dress this way if I’m going to be with people outside the family or if I’m going to one of my appointments. I hope my rods and pins could be removed soon, so I can actually take care of myself better I mean I can’t bend or twist at all. I am sorry if my words are used in properly or if my punctuation isn’t right because I have used voice typing . Even though I spent an excessive amount of time on my phone these days because of not having much else I am capable of I still like to do things quickly so I do apologize.
I have this wild idea of taking my 4 gallon, mayonnaise buckets filling them up with little sticks from the woods and topping it off with a bit of heat after I smash it down and then try to do some container/Hay bale gardening on the back porch, which is south facing. I think that would be very therapeutic for me. I can’t tell you how much I miss working as a nurse. DD number one has helped me apply for my Social Security benefits, and I am waiting for a decision. Both of my oncologist seem to think that I will reach my decision way before most people who have only suffered accidents. That is both encouraging and discouraging at the same time if you know what I mean. As much as I would miss it, I believe I would just except a disability decision and live my dream full-time. Not that I want to be lazy, but even though my cancer is currently behaving itself or seems to be, I have missed several months of work and apparently this is just my first bout with cancer. My oncologist is prepared to later need to change my medication if my body doesn’t stops responding to the meds. Most people with my diagnosis or dead within five years. I am more hoping to belong to the 29% club rather than the 71% club. I mean I feel well. I certainly don’t feel like I’m dying not anymore anyway. I guess my test will reveal something.
Oh that’s a whole lot. Easier said than done. My mind wants to garden. My mine wants to move does into bucks cages. My mind wants to totally manage this house and cook food from scratch and go foraging. But my body is so weak and unsteady. I appreciate whatever good wishes, prayers, that anyone has to send my way. I don’t feel like I’m quite finished yet.
I did talk to DH about letting all of you know should anything happened to me but I don’t think he understand how to use my phone exactly. I will ask should anything happened to me but I don’t think he understand how to use my phone exactly. I will SDD ask DD to look at my phone with me one day so she could do the honors God for bid. Hopefully you’ll have my ramblings for many years to come.

It is so good to hear from you! You have been on my mind frequently lately. I have been reading books about healing, and many of the stories are about people who 100% cured their cancers which had terrible prognosis. Like told they had weeks to live, but thrived for decades after.

Spending time with your family and in nature and living your dream are all healing. Trust your self-healing intuition. You're definitely a 29%-er! Your babies still need you.

 

[baymule]

I’m so glad to hear from you! Yes you will definitely be a 29%-er!! You have a good attitude and a desire to do things that you enjoy. Those are the the things that propel you forward. Keep going!