Are we living our dreams?

[rhoda_bruce]

DH and I had unpleasant words yesterday and he punished me by tanking up against our joint account, which I never closed, then he went ahead and searched for a cheaper house and found one more within reason. Hoping to see it today. It is a few towns north of here and it borders our bayou, so he should be able to fish quite a lot. Not that he ever does, but I'm figuring if the bayou is right there, he might. Besides, DS plans on visiting him and getting a little fishing in. Well, supposedly the house is ready to be moved into, so hoping the deal goes thru. I have peace in my house, but it is depressing.
I put in for full-time weekend spot, but I can't do the 2 hard shifts, like I used to with my feet hurting like they do, so I asked for 2pm until 6am. My only problem (and I shared this with the DON) is that when I was working 6am until 10pm, I could find a hidding place to sleep for my 8 hours off easily, then put coffee to brew, while I was getting dressed and never had to leave the facility. Well if I plan on sleeping during morning shift, I either need special keys to get into an office that closes on weekends or I need to find myself a pop up camper to haul along with me....or trade my vehicles in for a truck and get a truck camper.....something for me to just get a little rest and wash up in before my 2nd phase of work begins.
Well, I just lit my first fire of the season, but I didn't smell smoke, like I expected for the first fire. Then DS told me that he had lit a fire once when I was at work and it had gotten cold. I am having trouble keeping it lit, so I think I will get some oak and maple in the house. The oak is left over from last year, so it must be really dry. I figure I can get a fire started good with it and then add the maple. We pretty much just harvest wood off of whatever falls down and gets in our way and this year that was a maple tree right in the access road, leading to the back of the property.
After feeding chores, I have to harvest 80Lbs of satsumas for the boat company. I'm hearing from the really big boat company, but don't have final approval to sell for their crew changes yet. Younger sister has her foot part way in a small boat companies door also, so we will move some produce this year, but not sure if the whole crop....hope so. So wish Momma would have lived to see this. Also, the cold weather will improve the taste of the fruit.

 

[rhoda_bruce]

Prospective house has a lot of rot, so no way I can talk a lender into it or an insurance agency into insuring it, but DH wants it, so we will offer what we have and see if the bank that owns it, will accept our offer. That way there is no requirement for insurnace and no note, so he should be able to save that money and make repairs in the spring with his cousin, rather than hire a certified carpenter. I told him I don't want the girls anywhere near the highway or along the bayou, unless they are close to an adult.
Well, I have peace, but I can't believe how lonely life can be. It hurts that rather than just admit he did a few things wrong and go in for councilling and ask me to attend with him, he will live apart from his family. And I have so many animals to kill that I'm thinking about hunting down an asian or latino to sell some of them off, so I can get it out of my way....it all looks so discouraging when I look at the big pic.
My big priority now is making sure I get enough homeschooling in and that our homelife is as happy and peaceful as possible. My 2 little ones have been sleeping with me and they are complaining about their Poppa's bedtime stories. He tells them about the Rue ga rue (spelling?) and Nutria Man...whoever that is. We were both raised in a Cajun fashion, but totally different. I won't deny him his heritage. I have told him that they have complained about being afraid of Nutria Man and he found it humerous.
I can tackle clean up jobs without fear of my other half complaining on my methods, which is nice, but we keep forgetting to wind up the clock.
I can take a nap when my body feels tired, without worrying that someone will tell me to get my lazy butt up.
I can think of about 200 reasons to stay away from DH, but none of them takes away the pain I'm in sometimes. Maybe time will ease this grief.

 

[Denim Deb]

I know how you feel. Part of me wants far away from my hubby. My life would be better in some ways w/out him. But at the same time, I have trouble imagining life w/out him.

 

[rhoda_bruce]

I went to confession and feel better. I have an opportunity to grow in holiness, which we are all called to be saints anyway, but something that was holding me back is no longer present. I know I will be having bad times up ahead, until I settle into this new lifestyle though.
Well, its raining and apparently has been quite a while, because ducks and geese are swimming and I need to get out there with a pair of boots.
I barely slept last night for worry about meeting up with realitor and DH. Anytime I have dealing with him, I get crazy, so I'll probably be worthless by nighttime.
I cried and cried on the phone with DD 25 and told her how bad I feel and advised her that if anything happens to DH she needs to make sure I am called first.....if he is sick or hurt and if and when he is needing complete care, I'm bringing him home and he will just have to know that his estranged wife is caring for him. She laughed and agreed. Told her I might even take a nap right in front of him, just to show him that I will.
My inlaws must have all dropped off the planet.

 

[rhoda_bruce]

Late start today. I'm waiting for laundry, so I can find comfy work clothes to do my chores. Gotta rush thru feeding and then harvest 80Lbs of satsumas for delivery.
DH and I signed a proposal for purchasing a house and we have to see if our offer is acceptable. If it is, we will also get an appraisal, which might save us a bit. Glad that is over. While I was on the phone with him, my godchild came over with her boyfriend, who has been helping me on Mondays to milk the goat. He heard me complaining that I could milk alone if I had just gotten a stanchion built and he put one together. I was so shocked. Its not perfect. I need a better locking method than my godchild's headband, because the goat can push it open and escape. But was so surprised and humbled to get such a gift. I insisted on feeding them spagetti.
Hoping for a good productive day. A happy day would be an added bonus.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

What a nice surprise and a nice guy!

 

[rhoda_bruce]

Well, my big doe, messed up the container that Henry put for feed, so I made a slight alteration. I put a crate in its place, which sits slightly higher and is zip tied to the stanchion. DS sawed off a small piece to allow for neck room and I am now keeping hay in the crate at all times, so calorie intake is slightly higher because my doe has access to feed at all times and she knows it. I give her goat pellets for meat goats, mixed with a little molassis. Milk output seemed to increase, but decreased in the last 2 days, but I'm wondering if it is a problem of fluid intake. I did put extra water in their bucket. Daddy watched me milk yesterday for the first time and was asking me questions and he told me there is food for milking cows that differs from other animals, to increase the milk. He suggested I ask about if there is a pellet for milking does because might be better than what I'm now giving her. I'll have to PM or go on someone's journal later and ask some of the goat experts on SS. I've only had a milking doe for 3 months now, but have been planning it for years.
Well today I have baby 'scovies. Mom and babies have been caught and safely put in a chicken tractor, away from most preditors. Water given. All unhatched eggs collected and floated in warm water, then put in a hatcher.....just in case. I'll give them a week. I have another hen on a nest in the barn, in a chicken nesting box, of all things. I really think I have a new favorite breed of duck. I caught 2 drakes and put them in the coop for easy catching. It was easy to catch them, as they were breeding (yeah)....one muscovy and one peking....my smaller drake. Really want to decrease expenses now. I bought about 1000 Lbs of grain yesterday and want to make sure it lasts me a very long time. I have a good amount of meat to put in the freezer out there. Wish I had a bestie that would come over for coffee and help me pluck. I'd gladly do her a good turn, but alas....no one will help me with this crap for sure. Sure miss my Mawmaw sometimes.
Well, today I will do something that I hadn't planned. I'm grinding a little of that grain I just got for the new babies. They were getting out of the tractor, until DS caught the mom....in flight actually. Good job DS!!! So now they just stay under her. Hoping the weather stays dry a few days, so I don't have to put them up in a brooder. Guess the other duck will hatch out soon. Wondering how the babies will get out of the nest. Maybe Mom will throw them out. Hope no one is hurt.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Congrats on the baby ducks!

I have noticed that when I give my milking girls alfalfa pellets their production goes up noticeably. They get grain on the milk stand, but I keep alfalfa pellets in a self-feeder when I'm milking twice daily and they eat it as they please.

Right now - while milking only once a day - I just give them a cup or so in the mornings and they get their grain in the evenings on the stand.

Good luck!

 

[rhoda_bruce]

Thanks. I will diffinetely ask about it and if I can get my hands on it, I'll give it a try.
Well, help arrived yesterday, but I do feel a bit strange about it. One of my neighbors, who I know have always got along fine with, although I know him to like the bottle a little too much, and very hard to follow in conversation sometimes, came over with a woman, he claimed to be his son's momma. Mind you, we are Cajuns and these people are black, but living in a Cajun neighborhood, so all our ways are different, but the man has somehow hit it off with most of us and is always giving treats to our children. So he wants me to sell him a pullet so he can have eggs and he is thinking he will put it in his trailer, but the woman told him NO. So I show him a small tractor, made out of a dog-gloo and sold him that and the pullet for $40, but the woman was scared to handle the pullet, so I eased her to and talked to her...."You are going to be a farmgirl now, right?" to which she agreed and I was putting her hands where all she needed to have it so the pullet wouldn't freak out on her, until she relaxed with it. Then she sees my baby ducks and wanted that instead of the pullet, so I asked her if she had any idea what those ducklings will look like when they full grown and did she want to see their daddy....and she caught my eye and we looked at the muscovy drakes and the look on her face was priceless. Then I tell her if I sell a duckling, she will need to keep it under light, because it needs to stay warm and thats why its under the mom....etc. So she mentions that it would only be to eat and she didn't really want that much trouble and maybe just keep the pullet. So I told her if its meat she wanted we could fix that right now and I explained an arrangement I used to have with a Vietnamese man, where he slaughtered 3 of my birds and we'd split it 2:1....she seemed interested. Then the man comes to me and is saying the woman needs a little work to just get a few dollars here and there and I tell him of our arrangement. So I agreed she could do a few things for me for now and also help me with the slaughtering.
Right away she started picking up a bit of debris to put in the fire pile and cutting this overgrown Mexican flower I care absolutely nothing for, which is blocking something I will be needing to tackle, while I put the peking drake in the killing cone and made my cut. He was bleeding out while she was cutting the mess. Actually most of the family got busy. One of my little ones seemed facinated by the woman and I could tell the woman was toying a bit with my 10 year old. When she is here, she might have a little Cajun shadow.
So now the peking pen is empty and I put the remaining duck with the peking breeding project to just give me more eggs and began raking leaves and twigs from that pen for the chicken projects. I hate my birds to be on mud, without litter. Then told DD 17 that she can now plant more turnips and mustard....in the empty pen. Well the woman cleaned the peking for me, while I went on the road to tend a few things I had to do and I'll deal with her today. She wants a scalding pot for the rest of the drakes and chickens.
The thing I feel funny about is I will keep track of her hours and I guess for now I'll at least give her $10 for general work and 2:1 on the slaughter arrangement, but I don't want her to feel I'm taking advantage of her. I'm down to one income, so I don't really have the ability to promise a long-term employment arrangement. But perhaps she can make things easy for me to see clear to do a few things that will make my little farm more productive. If so, she'd almost pay herself.
Well, I"m off to a slow start, so here I go. Coffee was good though.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Sounds like a good plan for both of you! Likely she will be happy to pick up a little extra money so you both win!