ARGH!! I just hate it when...

[2dream]

Quail,
Inhale, exhale, in with the good, out with the bad.
Now don't you feel better.
I do know what you mean. My DH is a social butterfly. I am a hermit. He loves company, I hate it. He and his friends drop in on each other all the time. At one time I felt socially obligated to be available and participate in these visits. Then one day I realized all I was doing was wasteing my time. Now I just do my thing. I have even been known to go take a nap.
My SIL thinks she is the Queen Princess. And she thinks I should dress up, color my hair because I look old with gray....yada, yada and on and on. Until one day I just looked at her and ask her if she knew how funny a 60 year old woman looks with bright red hair and not a sign of gray? After her look of amazement and confusion disappeared she said I guess you are gonna tell me I am fat too. I said nope, seems you already know that. We laughed and that was the end of the SIL drama. We are now best friends.

edited because I can't spell

 

[Beekissed]

I'm a little bit of a hermit myself, so if someone comes for a visit unannounced and its not family, most of the time I just don't answer the door. If the house isn't cleaned to my comfort for company, I certainly don't answer the door!

Some folks find this a little weird, but my home is my haven and I don't have to answer the phone or the door unless I want to at that particular time. My poor mother will run like a jackrabbit to answer the phone, from clear out in her garden! I ask her why she does this, as she has caller ID and an answering machine, but she says she just feels compelled to answer.

I find it rude to come unannounced unless you are really good friends and this is your custom to visit in an impromptu manner.

When I am home, I am HOME...which means in my work, or lounging clothes, often braless and barefoot, no makeup, etc. I see not answering the door, at this point, as saving someone from becoming ill at the sight of me!

 

[PotterWatch]

My husband's uncle drops by all the time to visit. Sometimes I don't care, but others, I really wish he would call first. My husband has a interesting family all around. His Mom's side is full of fairly nice people that I get along with reasonably well, and some better than that. His Dad's side though...ugh! His Dad and stepmom came to our house once for a baby shower we had before our first was born, that was about 9yrs ago. They live about 15mins away from us. When our youngest son was born in a hospital 10mins from their house, they didn't bother to come see him at all. I could understand it a little more when our oldest was born several hours away, but come on... you can't drive 15mins to see your new grandson?? We invited them to every birthday party until the boys turned 4 & 5. After that, I just stopped trying because they never even bothered to call and say they weren't coming. Isn't family fun?

 

[MorelCabin]

Well I LOVE unexpected company! (unless it is one of the very few people in my life that I don't care to be around) To me the more the merrier. If my house is a mess I simply say excuse the mess and that is that...the coffee goes on and the chatting starts. When I lived in my hometown I used to have alot of family and unexpected company all the time...now I live far away from everyone and have to convince people around here that it is okay to just drop in!
I hate having to 'prepare' for company...that is too much work! Then you have to wash your floors and make sure there are no dishes in the sink..you are obligated to do alot more if you KNOW company is coming. If people just drop in there are alot less obligations and alot less judging because they realize that if I just dropped in on them I could catch them with a messy house...get over it people...enjoy life!

But Quail I DO understand your situation...that is about more than just unexpected company:>)

 

[Beekissed]

I "returned the favor" to a couple from our church! They would drop in unexpectedly in the evenings, when the lights are on and we are basically lounging in our PJs and couldn't pretend to not be at home. I could see them looking around and silently assessing our state of casual dress, supper dishes in the sink and the pillows strewn on the living room floor, etc.

One day we were over in their country and decided that turnabout was fair play! You should have seen the lady scrambling around trying to clean up the kitchen and covering up her PJs as we had a very silent chuckle over it! You know, I don't think they ever dropped in unannounced on a Sat. evening again, after that!

 

[Beekissed]

Well I LOVE unexpected company! (unless it is one of the very few people in my life that I don't care to be around) To me the more the merrier. If my house is a mess I simply say excuse the mess and that is that...the coffee goes on and the chatting starts. When I lived in my hometown I used to have alot of family and unexpected company all the time...now I live far away from everyone and have to convince people around here that it is okay to just drop in!
I hate having to 'prepare' for company...that is too much work! Then you have to wash your floors and make sure there are no dishes in the sink..you are obligated to do alot more if you KNOW company is coming. If people just drop in there are alot less obligations and alot less judging because they realize that if I just dropped in on them I could catch them with a messy house...get over it people...enjoy life!

But Quail I DO understand your situation...that is about more than just unexpected company:>)

You know? I used to be like you, Morel! I loved company and loved that my friends and I could visit and didn't care about things like a messy house or messy hair.

But since I've moved here, I've noticed that people don't "visit" without an agenda, they come on snooping missions and are shamelessly up front about gleaning information about me and my family to tell to all the neighbors....inaccurately, of course.

I guess I've become a little protective of my privacy and private life since moving here. And these people never invite me to their homes, they just stop and ask question after question about my life and then leave! I know I've said it before, but folks around here are not your normal folks!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

I think the problem here is partly ME. I mean, I feel like my SIL comes and sits in judgement of our homelife, and it makes me uncomfortable. I really feel like trailer trash when she is around. I don't think we are, there is just an air about her that makes me feel inferior, and I don't like it.

Yes, I live in an old trailer, and it is not always perfectly spotless. We LIVE in it, so alot of the time it is cluttered, and one can't expect a house to be spotless when five kids live in it!

She is one of them that is totally appalled over the no well and hauling the water in. Doesn't matter if we bathe or not, no running water just means we are "dirty" in her eyes.

Ok so the issue is with ME and it is a self conscience thing, I guess. I don't like being made to feel the way she makes me feel.

 

[MorelCabin]

We don't know anyone like that, Bekissed, if I do I never noticed...and I probably give them ALOT to talk about:>)

 

[MorelCabin]

I think the problem here is partly ME. I mean, I feel like my SIL comes and sits in judgement of our homelife, and it makes me uncomfortable. I really feel like trailer trash when she is around. I don't think we are, there is just an air about her that makes me feel inferior, and I don't like it.

Yes, I live in an old trailer, and it is not always perfectly spotless. We LIVE in it, so alot of the time it is cluttered, and one can't expect a house to be spotless when five kids live in it!

She is one of them that is totally appalled over the no well and hauling the water in. Doesn't matter if we bathe or not, no running water just means we are "dirty" in her eyes.

Ok so the issue is with ME and it is a self conscience thing, I guess. I don't like being made to feel the way she makes me feel.

Quail I used to really have a hard time with my inlaws because they were all professionals and I was from a much poorer and uneducated background. I have learned alot over the years about how much we actually have to teach and give EACH OTHER, no matter what side of life we are on. They accept me and I accept them now and I have really grown to love these people that I always considered 'snobs' before:>)

 

[Beekissed]

I know what you mean. But you know what I have learned over the years? People who make folks feel inferior suffer from a basic insecurity about their own worth and must constantly put others down to make themselves feel better about their own life.

If you'll notice, people who are really happy don't feel the need to make others feel unhappy, there would be no purpose in it for them.

By snerling her nose up at your home, she may be trying to understand why you and your family can remain content with less than she has, and what is your secret to this happiness? She can't get what you have(contentedness, happiness) and it upsets her, so she must put it down...sort of like a "sour grapes" story.

When you think about it like that, she is to be pitied for her shallow insecurities. You can stop feeling threatened by her and start feeling a little smug that you are the real winner of the situation....you have something that money nor status can buy and something she can't obtain!

Then you can look for ways to enlighten her about how to get what you have!