bibliophile birds
Lovin' The Homestead
so, this is just a rant but you guys always have such sound advice that i'm coming to you to vent.
how do you convince parents that you aren't a child and that they need to respect boundaries and privacy? i'm 27 years old and very self reliant and i still can't seem to make my parents realize that they have to respect my privacy.
from 18 to 21 i lived away, on my own, while going to college. from 21 to 26 i was traveling/abroad for 10 months out of the year, so i used my parents' house as my home base. last year when i took a "less active" position with my organization, i moved into the cottage on our farm (which was unlivable before that, but i renovated it). my parents have a key so that they can get in when i'm gone and make sure the house doesn't explode and whatnot. they have a few things stored in the attic here, also.
when i was using their house as home base, i had to repeatedly tell my mother it wasn't ok for her to open my mail. she saw it as doing me a favor so she could tell me if important things came in, but to me it was a huge violation of privacy. i finally made her understand that, but she really still thinks i was being ridiculous.
today, i came home from a meeting and instantly knew something was amiss. for a second i actually thought i'd been robbed. then i noticed a note on the counter. my mom had dropped by to get something out of the attic and decided she would "tidy up" while she was there.
now, i'm not the most organized person alive but i'm not a slob. things just go where i know i can find them and eventually get put away. she FILED my work documents! she SORTED my mail! she picked up my laundry! of course, to her, she was just being a helpful mom. to me, it's completely inappropriate. now i have to find where she put everything and can't shake the feeling that my privacy has been completely violated.
when i asked her about it she got mad because i was upset. she said i was ungrateful. she just couldn't understand why i wasn't thrilled that she'd done it. and i just don't know what to say. i told her i would never go to her house and go through her things.
then she wanted to know what i had to hide. that's the only thing that makes sense to her- that her grown daughter must be hiding things from her if she doesn't want her to riffle in her belongings. i feel like i'm 16 and suspected of harboring cigarettes in my sock drawer.
what am i to do?
how do you convince parents that you aren't a child and that they need to respect boundaries and privacy? i'm 27 years old and very self reliant and i still can't seem to make my parents realize that they have to respect my privacy.
from 18 to 21 i lived away, on my own, while going to college. from 21 to 26 i was traveling/abroad for 10 months out of the year, so i used my parents' house as my home base. last year when i took a "less active" position with my organization, i moved into the cottage on our farm (which was unlivable before that, but i renovated it). my parents have a key so that they can get in when i'm gone and make sure the house doesn't explode and whatnot. they have a few things stored in the attic here, also.
when i was using their house as home base, i had to repeatedly tell my mother it wasn't ok for her to open my mail. she saw it as doing me a favor so she could tell me if important things came in, but to me it was a huge violation of privacy. i finally made her understand that, but she really still thinks i was being ridiculous.
today, i came home from a meeting and instantly knew something was amiss. for a second i actually thought i'd been robbed. then i noticed a note on the counter. my mom had dropped by to get something out of the attic and decided she would "tidy up" while she was there.
now, i'm not the most organized person alive but i'm not a slob. things just go where i know i can find them and eventually get put away. she FILED my work documents! she SORTED my mail! she picked up my laundry! of course, to her, she was just being a helpful mom. to me, it's completely inappropriate. now i have to find where she put everything and can't shake the feeling that my privacy has been completely violated.
when i asked her about it she got mad because i was upset. she said i was ungrateful. she just couldn't understand why i wasn't thrilled that she'd done it. and i just don't know what to say. i told her i would never go to her house and go through her things.
then she wanted to know what i had to hide. that's the only thing that makes sense to her- that her grown daughter must be hiding things from her if she doesn't want her to riffle in her belongings. i feel like i'm 16 and suspected of harboring cigarettes in my sock drawer.
what am i to do?
As long as you live under your parents roof (including their cottage), they will expect you to live by their rules. You do have a choice... it's yours to make.
