CJ - Musings of a Dreamer

[CJ1]

Thank you @Poka_Doodle.

Memorial day is just a few days away now. And I haven't been entirely open about my entire family. Partly because on boards similar to this one I have been on in the past have been particularly toxic. A lot of politics and very vocal people made me why away from opening up about it. But this place is just wonderful. Its full of folks that only want to help and seem to never have a harsh word to say. So I'd like to introduce you to my twin brother Matthew.



He followed in my father's footsteps and joined the Marines the second he graduated. Sorry about the blond on his arm. Its the only picture I have handy that doesn't have him covered in mid or doing stupid stuff on his bike.

Last December he was killed in South Sudan. It wasn't until that moment that I understood what went through my father's head as he sat outside.

A couple weeks ago I reached out to a few of the guys he served with. They will be here Sunday night and I'm smoking two of Matthew's favorite meats for them my parents My boyfriend and some of the guys we ride with that knew him.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think you'll find anything but kindness here.

 

[Poka_Doodle]

So sorry about that

 

[sumi]

CJ, I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing It's tragic when young people get taken away from us under any circumstances.

Feel free to talk about him with us, if you like to. I think all of us here have by now lost a loved on or two and... we're here…

 

[Denim Deb]

 

[CJ1]

Thank you all very much.

That boy ate slept and breathed Marine Coprs ever since daddy graduated boot camp and we went to his graduation and Matt saw daddy in his blues.

He had the FMFM 6-5 memorized by the second grade. Everything and anything he did fell back on him getting ready.

I remember when we were in sixth grade a guy was picking on a tiny kid. Without saying a word Matt tackled him and whooped the snot out of him.

He lost a couple teeth and had his nose broken. I broke by hand hitting the kid after he got my brother back.

We won. And dad came into the office, hadn't even changed out of his cammies to pick him up. "Why?" he asked Matt. "Cause it's what youd of done."

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked me as I iced my hand sitting across near the nursing station. "Matt got hit daddy."

We got ice cream that afternoon. We went back to school the next day. Apparently there wasn't a zero tolerance policy on base.

I'm bethrothed to the little kid who is now a big kid.

Like I said before. I don't have children I've heard that it's a bond unlike any other. I hope so. Because I can't imagine being any closer to anyone with whom you haven't shared a womb.

I miss that. A lot today.

 

[sumi]

CJ1 I don't have words… It's so sad, that you lost him.

I became unexpected, unplanned and unprepared mom to a wonderful son nearly 10 years ago and nothing, nothing anyone says can really explain or describe that feeling when you see your child the first time, hold them the first time, that bond that forms. Having a child of your own is really amazing. Your future children won't replace your twin, but they will fill your heart… Big

 

[CJ1]

Thank you.

I really do look forward to having babies. I'd love to start trying right now. But need to wait a few more years.

It helps a lot to have my other brothers around. And I am very close to them. But it's just not the same. Maybe it's because of the age difference. I'm 11 and 13 years older than them.

Anyway. I'll finally have a day off tomorrow and Monday. So it's going to be a very busy time with everything going on. So I might not be on for a few days.

 

[sumi]

Take care of yourself Get some rest in-between everything going on.

 

[CJ1]

No rest for the wicked.

I planned on going home and sleeping until tomorrow. But my friend decided to have her baby today. So ladies and gentlemen. Let me introduce you to Harley. No my friend doesn't ride. She's just a huge batman fan.