Daughter dilemma

[FarmerJamie]

I agree with the planning now!

First, an education is something that once you have it, it can't be taken away! Even if someone gets a degree and starts a career, and then decides to be a SAHM (or SAHD for that matter. ), volunteering or work on the side is a great way to keep those skills updated! Circumstances are different for everyone. IMHO, but it's easier to start with education and career, and then fall back to a simpler life than to try to do it the other way around. We're having that same discussion in our family with my 19 yr old niece right now.

As far as the costs go, at least here in Ohio, there is a high school program that can be started as early as 9th grade that lets HS students take college classes (including online) for HS and college credit, and the State of Ohio foots the bill!!!!!

We're trying to get at least one year of college class requirements completed before DD graduates from HS. She's a bookworm and is eating this up!

I enjoy reading all the different perspectives here!

 

[miss_thenorth]

Thanks guys, very insightful posts.

first Gettinaclue. I never took your post as insulting, in fact, just the opposite. Being a mom, I want her to be able to take care of herself in the 'whatif' situations. Me--I never really thought about it or cared about it, and now if I needed to, I'd be screwed.

Demin Deb-- as for the barefoot trimming. My trimmer is teaching her as well as some online courses and hands-on seminars offered by Claudia Garner at http://www.equinesoundness.com/ Our trimmer has done some amazing things with our horses hooves, my one horse was basically lame, couldn't keep shoes on since his hoof walls wer so damaged ( and I could go on and on) but he is now sound and barefoot.

Moolie et al. I do realize that it does sound strange that my dd even at 13 needs to have a plan, but thats just the kinda gal she is. My son? He is contemplating a new thing every month. this month it is electrician. But with my dd, she has wanted to be working with horses since she was three. The most common thing to do , as a career with horses, would be equine vet. So she has had this mindframe that she will become a vet. But now, due to some comments,( and even if those comments did open up a can of worms, I kinda am glad, so she can possibly consider other things, where as before she had blinders on , thinking vet was the only way to go) she is questioning the whole commitment side of it, not knowing if it could be worked around being a sahm (and me, I really did not know which is why I came here) And also to see what other horse related careers there might be out there.

so I do realy understand that yes, she is 13, but this is big for her, and it is causing alot of grief, because she thinks she needs to have a plan. I do realize that once she gets into highschool, she wil lhave appointments with guidance counsellors, and thenshe might change her mind a thousand times, but where we are at right now, she needs a plan. She wont see a guidance counsellor for another two years.

But since reading these postes, I can safely tell her that she can be a an equine vet, but just worki at it part time while she is doing the mom thing. A mobile unit does sound really cool.

 

[Denim Deb]

The most important thing to do is to encourage her to follow her own bent. For as long as I can remember, I was interested in nature. If I had given you a REAL answer when you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you an Indian. The reason? Because they knew about the plants and animals, what plants were edible, what plants were poisonous, etc. I didn't know that I could actually go to college and learn at least some of this stuff, and I never told anyone. I was afraid I'd get laughed at. It wasn't until my children were little that I finally went to school. By then I had learned that what I wanted to study to become was a naturalist. :/ I sometimes wonder if my life would have been different if I had gone to school when I was younger.

 

[FarmerJamie]

The most important thing to do is to encourage her to follow her own bent. For as long as I can remember, I was interested in nature. If I had given you a REAL answer when you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you an Indian. The reason? Because they knew about the plants and animals, what plants were edible, what plants were poisonous, etc. I didn't know that I could actually go to college and learn at least some of this stuff, and I never told anyone. I was afraid I'd get laughed at. It wasn't until my children were little that I finally went to school. By then I had learned that what I wanted to study to become was a naturalist. :/ I sometimes wonder if my life would have been different if I had gone to school when I was younger.

It's never too late, Deb!!!!

 

[abifae]

I sometimes wonder if my life would have been different if I had gone to school when I was younger.

I have wondered that sometimes. Now I know I'm not the sort to succeed in school, though. So just as well I never made it far enough. It's not worth the debt, as far as I'm concerned. All the things I'd enjoy doing would take at least a 4 year degree, more likely a Master's or Doctorate, so it's pointless lol.

 

[Denim Deb]

I started that reply 2 hours B4 I posted it! I'm getting ready to head over to update my journal. Had an unfun, busy morning.

 

[Lady Henevere]

Interesting thread. My DD is also 13 and going into high school next year. She is already making plans about what she's going to do in college and beyond, because it can make a difference at this level. Planning starts a heck of a lot earlier than it did a generation ago, since requirements in high school and college entrance have increased dramatically, and the pool of applicants for universities has gotten larger and better qualified, so it's harder to compete. (Veterinary school, as I understand it, is particularly difficult to get in to because there are a lot of exceptionally qualified students competing for very few available spaces in veterinary programs.) There is a definitely benefit to thinking ahead about these things.

At this level (or in high school anyway), perhaps your DD can do the kinds of things my DD is doing (mine wants to be an ecologist and has the general idea that she wants to go to a university that has a good ecology-related program). She is structuring her high school classes to make sure she gets all the life science she can (ensuring math requirements are met to get into higher level science later, taking science as a freshman even though it's not required, taking honors-level biology instead of regular, etc.) Summer school classes can free up extra space for science classes later on, etc. If your DD did some of these more immediate things, she can feel as if she's working toward the career of her choice and keeping all her options open, even though we all know she may change her mind a hundred different times before she actually gets there, and may decide not to work at all once she has kids. (Though I second (or third or fourth or fifth) the sentiment that there is danger in that position--it is especially close to home at the moment as a close family member just walked out on his lovely, wonderful, homeschooling wife and kids because he was bored, and now she has nothing and no career and no resources. Scary stuff.)

As for alternate, non-vet careers, I recently had some really interesting conversations with a "horse whisperer" (a horse trainer, basically), about training training horses for movies, training horses to not freak out around joggers, being flown to Europe to work with a difficult national jumping team horse, etc. I don't know whether there's much of a living to be made with such a career and it's not really health-based, but it sounded like a fun job and perhaps your DD may be interested in it.

Best of luck to your daughter!

 

[gettinaclue]

Thanks guys, very insightful posts.

first Gettinaclue. I never took your post as insulting, in fact, just the opposite. Being a mom, I want her to be able to take care of herself in the 'whatif' situations. Me--I never really thought about it or cared about it, and now if I needed to, I'd be screwed.

I'm relieved. I never realized how much I depend on body language and voice inflection! What I wouldn't give to sit around the kitchen table with yall and just talk.

 

[moolie]

Moolie et al. I do realize that it does sound strange that my dd even at 13 needs to have a plan, but thats just the kinda gal she is. My son? He is contemplating a new thing every month. this month it is electrician. But with my dd, she has wanted to be working with horses since she was three. The most common thing to do , as a career with horses, would be equine vet. So she has had this mindframe that she will become a vet.

Oh, I hear you--really I do. I just want to ensure that she doesn't feel more pressure than is necessary at her age.

As so many have mentioned above, there is tons she can do now to work towards that goal, without worrying too much about the specifics of planning her future at such a young age. I totally ditto the comments about volunteering with a vet, or even with an animal shelter if/when she's old enough, or "hiring on" at a local stable when she's old enough for a part-time job. And of course ensuring that she takes the right courses as she heads into high school--that's huge for university entrance.

My 15-year-old is "graduating" Jr. High (grade 9) in June and heading into high school next fall. Her average mark in her core Jr. High courses (English, Math, Science, Social, and French) had to be at a certain level for her to get into the core High School courses that she needs for university entrance. (Alberta has different levels of the core courses depending on post-secondary goals, so it is important to take the right one.)

 

[patandchickens]

if someone gets a degree and starts a career, and then decides to be a SAHM (or SAHD for that matter. )

And in fact, that is what I did (although weirdly it did not occur to me the other day when reading/replying to this thread)... I got a PhD and was a research biologist and then college professor for a while, and now am a stay-at-home mom.

I think of it as a midlife career change, no different than what plenty of other people do, and CERTAINLY do not feel my education has been in any way wasted whatsoever. (Particularly since, frankly, I went into biology for FUN not because of some career carrot being dangled at the end of it; so I've had my fun and no one can take that away from me )

Obviously this is specific to the case where you do not happen TO get married til your late 30s, but, still.

Pat