Dealing with MIL during FIL ALZ

[Lazy Gardener]

Now, the next chapter, which I expect will be a difficult one. But, you will all get through it, b/c you have a strong family unit: Helping MIL make the transition to widowhood. Hugs and prayers continued for you all, as you move through the mourning and healing.

 

[baymule]

I’m really sorry for your wife and family. Your FIL is free from pain and misery. What a wealth of love he had.

 

[FarmerJamie]

Condolences to your family.

I never have been able to find the right words in these times, but rest assured, you are in our thoughts

 

[CrealCritter]

It was beautiful funeral service. 4 of my sons and brother in law gave elegies.

Only one jerk in the funereal procession who passed pulled over cars across the center line. I got so upset, I cut him off and gave the a__ hole a piece on my mind. I was ready to get out and kick his a__ but my wife (my conscience) said its not worth it, we don't have time for the a__ hole.

 

[baymule]

Lack of respect does deserve a good butt kicking, but.....if you kick the crap out of someone, it splatters and you might get some on you. Wisdom wins the day.

 

[CrealCritter]

Lack of respect does deserve a good butt kicking, but.....if you kick the crap out of someone, it splatters and you might get some on you. Wisdom wins the day.

Oh I wanted to open up a big can of whoop ass on the jerk. My wife knew it... that's why she became my conscience so quick. So instead as we drove by him, I put some choice words on him that clorox bleach won't even wash out. She was fine with that.

 

[CrealCritter]

My wife dropped a bomb on me this evening. We were coming back from grand daughter's birthday party in town and I asked 1 question "how's your mom getting along living alone"? Boy that was the wrong question to ask!

My wife said that during bible study that her mom was talking about moving into town and asked my wife if i wanted the house and property. This turned into a long conversation and basically the decision was dropped in my lap, if I wanted my mother in law's house and property or not?

We discussed the pluses and minuses.

Pluses:

• Free house on a little over 5 acres with large barn.

Minuses:

• On a very busy road two lane road.
• Close to the power plant
• Main route for Coal trucks, you get a coal truck every 2 minutes, 6 days a week delivering coal to the.power plant.
• Too many memories of my father in law for my wife.

My wife said I know you want to move deeper into the woods and my mom's house is not in the woods, its surrounded by farm land. I said yes your right, I want to get away from as many people as I possible can and live in the deep woods, with trees and wild animals. I then said if I were to take the house, get insurance and pay the taxes every year. The first thing I would do is put a fence along the road, plant fast growing tall stubs and add a gate at the end of the drive way because I just couldn't stand watching semi's and all the traffic pass in front of the house every time I look out front. I just simply wouldn't be happy there at all.

But then I said but what do you want? Would you live in your moms house, is it something you want? I really wasn't surprised when she said no because i already know she wants to live deep in the woods also.

Then I said, well it's a free house but honestly I don't want to live there either. I mean we could fix it up, it needs some work but nothing to bad, since my father in law was not able to do the up keep and we could rent it out. But I'm not greedy, nor do I want to spend the time and money on it. So, I told my wife to tell her mom that I don't want the house and property. She agreed, but said she didn't know how her mom was going to take it because she had her heart set on giving me house because she knew I would take care of it.

This is one of those situations a guy gets in, minding his own business, then wham... no matter what I said, I'll get a woman upset. If I said yes, my wife would be unhappy, if I said no, my mother in law would be unhappy. Well I'm not married to my mother in law, so happy wife / happy life and my mother in law can just deal with it I reckon.

 

[Mini Horses]

Sounds like the right decision -- for the moment, at least.


Can't believe it will stay that simple.

 

[Lazy Gardener]

You are married to your wife. So, any decisions you make must reflect that... not your MIL desires. If you wanted to take it over as retirement income, that would be an option. But, since you have no desire to do that, the wise thing to do would be let/help your MIL sell it. Then, she can do what she wants to do with the money. Beware, there are likely some legal details that you need to look into re: selling or passing property on to relatives, and how that relates to the state/medical system garnishing the value to pay past/present and future medical bills. DO THE HOMEWORK. It might be in the best interests of you and? sibs to deal with the sale of the property now instead of waiting. The state may even garnish the property to pay the NH debt of your FIL. In Maine, I believe there is a 5 year rule. The state can go back 5 years after property has been deeded to relatives to garnish property value for medical debt.

 

[flowerbug]

i would love more acreage, but along a busy road like that, no thanks. i think you made the right choice knowing both of you want something different.

you could have said yes, knowing that you would sell it and use that $ to fund what you really want, but that is hard to tell someone who may have different hopes/ideas.