BarredBuff
El Presidente de Pollo
If you were in my area I would glady help you.Denim Deb said:
Denim Deb Hay, hay, hay. Thank the Lord!
- Thread starter Denim Deb
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #82
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 619
- Points
- 417
Thanks. 
- Thread starter
- #83
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 619
- Points
- 417
Ok, this is a vent. But, I think once I get it off my chest, I'll feel better. I do not really have anyone to talk to in RL. Most cannot understand where I coming from, and try to advise me. I'm not looking for advice, just the ability to vent.
First off, there's my family. As I mentioned b4, at times I would love to just leave them all behind and go and move in my tack shed. When my son was little, I started raising him to be SS. If he wanted something in a store, if it was something he was allowed to have, rather than paying for it myself and then handing it to him, I'd give him the money, and let him go thru line by himself. It made him feel very grown up. And, if he wanted something bigger, he'd be told do this, and you'll get this amount of money. Save your money and when you have enough, you can buy it. I wanted him to learn to handle himself w/adults as well as understand the value of a dollar. And, I wanted to do the same for my daughter. Plus, he was given chores to do that were age appropriate-feed the dogs, take out the trash, help w/the dishes, etc. When my daughter was born, I wanted her to be the same.
Then my husband started to drink. And everything changed. (I think he felt guilty) If our kids wanted something, he'd go out and buy it for them. He'd buy them presents for Christmas that I did not approve of. One year for Christmas, they both got a computer for their room as well as a TV. I was against that, felt it was not good for them. After all, we would no longer be able to control what they watched on the TV, nor make sure they weren't on sites they shouldn't have been on the net. He bought them w/out me being there. And, pretty much what I was afraid of happened.
Then there's the matter of chores. I'd tell the kids to do something. He say, why do they have to do it, why can't you? As a result, my kids learned that they didn't have to do ANYTHING!!!!! My house is a mess. I don't have time to get it all clean, and every time I start to get caught up, something happens. And, no one will help me. Just as an example, when I was so bad w/the cold, the trashcan became full to overflowing, and no one could take the trash out. (My kids are 25 and 19) My hubby complains about the mess, but rarely does anything to help and my kids solution is to just not come home.
When my son started to drive, I did not want him to have his own car until he could afford to pay for at least part of the insurance and the car. Hubby insisted. Not only did we pay for his cars, but also for his insurance and all his tickets. He has almost lost his license a few times due to the points on his DL.
Because of all this, we basically have no money. My hubby makes good money and I should not have to work. We should be able to have our own farm and I should be able to stay home and get stuff done. Instead, I work at a low paying job just to be able to buy the few things that I want, and care for my horses. Stormy is nothing more than a pasture pet now. He's my daughter's but she lost interest. Between his age and health, there's no way I could find him another home. Plus, he's so attached to Misty, I honestly don't think he'd survive away from her. When my daughter was doing 4 H, when he was at the fairgrounds for the fair for several nights, he'd stop eating by the end of the fair. Licorice I got to do pony rides with, plus my niece was riding her. She's stopped riding, and I'm not really getting enough pony rides.
As for the pony rides, that was RU's idea. She wanted to do them, but didn't want to do them by herself. So, she asked KN and I to do them w/her. But, she realized quickly that she couldn't because of her hubby. They're retired, and he likes to go away on weekends. But, she told KN and I that we could do them if we liked, and keep the ponies at her place, even use her ponies.
At first, it was fine. We started to get some business, KN and I both worked at caring for the ponies, etc and things were going smooth. Even when KN lost her job, it just meant that she was able to go out to the farm more, so it wasn't a problem. Then things got tight for her. She could no longer afford her horse, and her pony developed back problems. Rather than get any job that she could to at least keep her horse, she decided to find a home for her. That wouldn't have been a problem except for one thing. While RU let her keep her horse there until she found a home, the horse still needed to eat. Guess who ended up buying hay for the horse? KN kept telling me that she was going to be getting extended money from unemployment, and she'd give me money for hay. She maybe gave me $100 total. In the meantime, I was providing hay for BOTH the horse and the pony. So, I was working my butt off and not getting the benefit of it. LF offered to pay her to feed her horses so that she could at least keep her horse, but she was always too busy. It would have taken her maybe 15 minutes tops, and she was already at the farm. No one can understand what she was doing that made it impossible for her to do.
Then, her car broke down. And, she could not find the parts to fix it. She ended up selling her car to someone else that had the same car and the same problem. So, she and her hubby have just one car. More often than not, I have to care for the horses by myself. And, when she is there, she does none of the physical work. I'll tell her things need to be done, and she doesn't do it. And, I never see her long enough to really talk to her. I've talked to RU, and she agrees w/me. Next year, I'm splitting the herd and the fields. It's easy enough to do, and w/Stormy's heaves, it means I can get him off the round bales.
Then when she is at the farm, if she does something, it's not stuff that needs to be done, or is any of her business. The tack shed is mine, not hers, not the companies. I paid for it myself, and my DH built it. She has rearranged it, put up shelves, etc. The inside needs to be finished. I have not told her how I want it because she'd just decide to do things on her own, and she's not a good builder. (She put up saddle racks-2 of them have fallen down.)
A few years ago, someone gave me 12 fertilized eggs, some brown, some green, and some white. From this, I got 4 roos and 3 hens. I sold 3 of the roos, and kept the prettiest one. 1 hen was killed by one of RU's dogs. One became crippled, so I brought her home. And after the 1 was killed by the dogs, I brought the other one home. She was fine-until she was killed by a hawk.
RU used to have an emu. It died. I asked RU about getting some chicks, and using the emu pen for a run. She was fine w/that. KN also decided to get some chicks, and she offered to raise mine for me until it got warm enough for them to go outside. Since I wasn't sure how my hubby would react to having them in the house, I let her. So, she had my 4 EE chicks and her 2 RB chicks at her house. When one of my chicks started to crow, I brought them home. We no longer had a dog, so I stuck them in my dog pen while I got the emu pen set up. Right now, it has an old calf house for shelter, next weekend, my DH is going to finally build my coop. RU already has a chicken house, and KN was going to put her chicks in there. But, there was no pen, and because of the dogs, KN wanted to build a pen b4 putting the chicks in there. And, rather than getting it all set up b4 bringing them out, she just stuck her chicks in w/mine. I didn't want that. I was afraid I'd end up paying for all the feed. (And I did buy the majority of it-at times even once she moved them, all of it.) Then the chicks started to lay. It was easy enough to tell the difference between the eggs that my chicks were laying and hers since hers lay brown, mine green. She decided that one of her pullets was broody, and left eggs in there-only hers. My eggs she removed. Since I have 2 w/a crooked beak, she doesn't think they should reproduce. It's none of her business. I've already planned to cull any chicks that have them and had told her that. Well as a result, my chicks either stopped laying, or else they're laying someplace out of the run since they can get out easy enough. She finally moved her birds.
Since the one crooked beak hen makes a mess of the water, KN decided she was going to put the water in there in a different way. I put it back. She'd refill my waterer, but not clean it out good. I can't stand to have a dirty looking waterer. Then, she'd not be out, and I'd check her chickens the day AFTER she had been out, and they'd have no water!
To try and keep my hens in I decided to put some cheap netting up over the top of the pen. There are 2 small oaks in there, and they roost in the one. I literally spent hours on day setting up the netting, checking to be sure they could still get in the tree, etc. I only stopped because I ran out of the heavy baling twine I was using, and it got dark. I was not even close to being finished, but I knew what I had to do to finish it. I got out there the next day. KN had taken down EVERYTHING I HAD PUT UP THE DAY B4 AND STARTED PUTTING IT UP A DIFFERENT WAY!!!!!! Her excuse? She couldn't get in to feed my chickens. I told her she did not NEED to feed them, I'm capable of feeding my own chickens. So, I had to take down everything that she had done, and start all over again. What she put up was too low. They could not get in the tree the way she had it. Then, she got mad because I took down what she did. She wrote me an "apology", but in it she said that I should have called her b4 I took down what she did so we could discuss it. Why? It's none of her business. I spent hours another day putting up the netting the way I had it, and got a little bit past where I was. But, I have not had the chance to finish. So, my chickens are still out, and if laying, are laying some place other than where I can find the eggs.
I had wanted to take eggs home and see if I could get my house hen broody, but now I had no eggs. KN gave me some. Since my original rooster is still out there and is in w/the chickens that she and RU own, I stuck them under my house hen. After all, she didn't say I had to eat them, plus as far as I was concerned it was her fault I no longer had any eggs. I now have 3 chicks in w/my house hen. She's happy, and I'll have one more hen laying at home.
Because of the mice, I have a cat in my tack shed. I had found her in my yard just over 5 years ago. By the time I had her tamed, she had a litter of kittens. 2 died, the other one, Rerun, lives in my house. The neighbors were complaining about my cat, and since I was afraid of something happening to her, I took her out to the farm. She lived in the barn for a few years, now she lives in my shed. I do not want another cat in there. But KN likes one of the barn cats out there, and says if she could afford to buy the feed, then Ginger could live w/Cindy. I don't like Ginger, and am always kicking her out of my shed as it is. (Along w/the other cats in that area) She'll eat up all of Cindy's food.
I would dearly love to just wash my hands of KN at this point in time. But, it's not that easy. 1st off, I can't tell her she can't come to the farm, not my property. 2ndly, when I got the shed, the idea was for both of us to store our tack in there, so she has stuff in there. And, 3rdly and maybe most importantly, she's my brother's SIL. So a total break w/her would make for some hard feelings in the family.
It's because of this that I keep hoping that something will happen so that I can either get my own place and move my animals, or LF would leave the farm. If she did, I'd have my shed moved down to that area. (There's room, LF has an even bigger shed that she'd take w/her!) I'd move my chickens down there, and since there's a tack room attached to that barn, I'd move all the tack out of my shed. KN could either keep her tack in there, or get her own shed. Then, I would not have to worry about her, I would not have to worry about the cats, and I could be left alone.
First off, there's my family. As I mentioned b4, at times I would love to just leave them all behind and go and move in my tack shed. When my son was little, I started raising him to be SS. If he wanted something in a store, if it was something he was allowed to have, rather than paying for it myself and then handing it to him, I'd give him the money, and let him go thru line by himself. It made him feel very grown up. And, if he wanted something bigger, he'd be told do this, and you'll get this amount of money. Save your money and when you have enough, you can buy it. I wanted him to learn to handle himself w/adults as well as understand the value of a dollar. And, I wanted to do the same for my daughter. Plus, he was given chores to do that were age appropriate-feed the dogs, take out the trash, help w/the dishes, etc. When my daughter was born, I wanted her to be the same.
Then my husband started to drink. And everything changed. (I think he felt guilty) If our kids wanted something, he'd go out and buy it for them. He'd buy them presents for Christmas that I did not approve of. One year for Christmas, they both got a computer for their room as well as a TV. I was against that, felt it was not good for them. After all, we would no longer be able to control what they watched on the TV, nor make sure they weren't on sites they shouldn't have been on the net. He bought them w/out me being there. And, pretty much what I was afraid of happened.
Then there's the matter of chores. I'd tell the kids to do something. He say, why do they have to do it, why can't you? As a result, my kids learned that they didn't have to do ANYTHING!!!!! My house is a mess. I don't have time to get it all clean, and every time I start to get caught up, something happens. And, no one will help me. Just as an example, when I was so bad w/the cold, the trashcan became full to overflowing, and no one could take the trash out. (My kids are 25 and 19) My hubby complains about the mess, but rarely does anything to help and my kids solution is to just not come home.
When my son started to drive, I did not want him to have his own car until he could afford to pay for at least part of the insurance and the car. Hubby insisted. Not only did we pay for his cars, but also for his insurance and all his tickets. He has almost lost his license a few times due to the points on his DL.
Because of all this, we basically have no money. My hubby makes good money and I should not have to work. We should be able to have our own farm and I should be able to stay home and get stuff done. Instead, I work at a low paying job just to be able to buy the few things that I want, and care for my horses. Stormy is nothing more than a pasture pet now. He's my daughter's but she lost interest. Between his age and health, there's no way I could find him another home. Plus, he's so attached to Misty, I honestly don't think he'd survive away from her. When my daughter was doing 4 H, when he was at the fairgrounds for the fair for several nights, he'd stop eating by the end of the fair. Licorice I got to do pony rides with, plus my niece was riding her. She's stopped riding, and I'm not really getting enough pony rides.
As for the pony rides, that was RU's idea. She wanted to do them, but didn't want to do them by herself. So, she asked KN and I to do them w/her. But, she realized quickly that she couldn't because of her hubby. They're retired, and he likes to go away on weekends. But, she told KN and I that we could do them if we liked, and keep the ponies at her place, even use her ponies.
At first, it was fine. We started to get some business, KN and I both worked at caring for the ponies, etc and things were going smooth. Even when KN lost her job, it just meant that she was able to go out to the farm more, so it wasn't a problem. Then things got tight for her. She could no longer afford her horse, and her pony developed back problems. Rather than get any job that she could to at least keep her horse, she decided to find a home for her. That wouldn't have been a problem except for one thing. While RU let her keep her horse there until she found a home, the horse still needed to eat. Guess who ended up buying hay for the horse? KN kept telling me that she was going to be getting extended money from unemployment, and she'd give me money for hay. She maybe gave me $100 total. In the meantime, I was providing hay for BOTH the horse and the pony. So, I was working my butt off and not getting the benefit of it. LF offered to pay her to feed her horses so that she could at least keep her horse, but she was always too busy. It would have taken her maybe 15 minutes tops, and she was already at the farm. No one can understand what she was doing that made it impossible for her to do.
Then, her car broke down. And, she could not find the parts to fix it. She ended up selling her car to someone else that had the same car and the same problem. So, she and her hubby have just one car. More often than not, I have to care for the horses by myself. And, when she is there, she does none of the physical work. I'll tell her things need to be done, and she doesn't do it. And, I never see her long enough to really talk to her. I've talked to RU, and she agrees w/me. Next year, I'm splitting the herd and the fields. It's easy enough to do, and w/Stormy's heaves, it means I can get him off the round bales.
Then when she is at the farm, if she does something, it's not stuff that needs to be done, or is any of her business. The tack shed is mine, not hers, not the companies. I paid for it myself, and my DH built it. She has rearranged it, put up shelves, etc. The inside needs to be finished. I have not told her how I want it because she'd just decide to do things on her own, and she's not a good builder. (She put up saddle racks-2 of them have fallen down.)
A few years ago, someone gave me 12 fertilized eggs, some brown, some green, and some white. From this, I got 4 roos and 3 hens. I sold 3 of the roos, and kept the prettiest one. 1 hen was killed by one of RU's dogs. One became crippled, so I brought her home. And after the 1 was killed by the dogs, I brought the other one home. She was fine-until she was killed by a hawk.
RU used to have an emu. It died. I asked RU about getting some chicks, and using the emu pen for a run. She was fine w/that. KN also decided to get some chicks, and she offered to raise mine for me until it got warm enough for them to go outside. Since I wasn't sure how my hubby would react to having them in the house, I let her. So, she had my 4 EE chicks and her 2 RB chicks at her house. When one of my chicks started to crow, I brought them home. We no longer had a dog, so I stuck them in my dog pen while I got the emu pen set up. Right now, it has an old calf house for shelter, next weekend, my DH is going to finally build my coop. RU already has a chicken house, and KN was going to put her chicks in there. But, there was no pen, and because of the dogs, KN wanted to build a pen b4 putting the chicks in there. And, rather than getting it all set up b4 bringing them out, she just stuck her chicks in w/mine. I didn't want that. I was afraid I'd end up paying for all the feed. (And I did buy the majority of it-at times even once she moved them, all of it.) Then the chicks started to lay. It was easy enough to tell the difference between the eggs that my chicks were laying and hers since hers lay brown, mine green. She decided that one of her pullets was broody, and left eggs in there-only hers. My eggs she removed. Since I have 2 w/a crooked beak, she doesn't think they should reproduce. It's none of her business. I've already planned to cull any chicks that have them and had told her that. Well as a result, my chicks either stopped laying, or else they're laying someplace out of the run since they can get out easy enough. She finally moved her birds.
Since the one crooked beak hen makes a mess of the water, KN decided she was going to put the water in there in a different way. I put it back. She'd refill my waterer, but not clean it out good. I can't stand to have a dirty looking waterer. Then, she'd not be out, and I'd check her chickens the day AFTER she had been out, and they'd have no water!
To try and keep my hens in I decided to put some cheap netting up over the top of the pen. There are 2 small oaks in there, and they roost in the one. I literally spent hours on day setting up the netting, checking to be sure they could still get in the tree, etc. I only stopped because I ran out of the heavy baling twine I was using, and it got dark. I was not even close to being finished, but I knew what I had to do to finish it. I got out there the next day. KN had taken down EVERYTHING I HAD PUT UP THE DAY B4 AND STARTED PUTTING IT UP A DIFFERENT WAY!!!!!! Her excuse? She couldn't get in to feed my chickens. I told her she did not NEED to feed them, I'm capable of feeding my own chickens. So, I had to take down everything that she had done, and start all over again. What she put up was too low. They could not get in the tree the way she had it. Then, she got mad because I took down what she did. She wrote me an "apology", but in it she said that I should have called her b4 I took down what she did so we could discuss it. Why? It's none of her business. I spent hours another day putting up the netting the way I had it, and got a little bit past where I was. But, I have not had the chance to finish. So, my chickens are still out, and if laying, are laying some place other than where I can find the eggs.
I had wanted to take eggs home and see if I could get my house hen broody, but now I had no eggs. KN gave me some. Since my original rooster is still out there and is in w/the chickens that she and RU own, I stuck them under my house hen. After all, she didn't say I had to eat them, plus as far as I was concerned it was her fault I no longer had any eggs. I now have 3 chicks in w/my house hen. She's happy, and I'll have one more hen laying at home.
Because of the mice, I have a cat in my tack shed. I had found her in my yard just over 5 years ago. By the time I had her tamed, she had a litter of kittens. 2 died, the other one, Rerun, lives in my house. The neighbors were complaining about my cat, and since I was afraid of something happening to her, I took her out to the farm. She lived in the barn for a few years, now she lives in my shed. I do not want another cat in there. But KN likes one of the barn cats out there, and says if she could afford to buy the feed, then Ginger could live w/Cindy. I don't like Ginger, and am always kicking her out of my shed as it is. (Along w/the other cats in that area) She'll eat up all of Cindy's food.
I would dearly love to just wash my hands of KN at this point in time. But, it's not that easy. 1st off, I can't tell her she can't come to the farm, not my property. 2ndly, when I got the shed, the idea was for both of us to store our tack in there, so she has stuff in there. And, 3rdly and maybe most importantly, she's my brother's SIL. So a total break w/her would make for some hard feelings in the family.
It's because of this that I keep hoping that something will happen so that I can either get my own place and move my animals, or LF would leave the farm. If she did, I'd have my shed moved down to that area. (There's room, LF has an even bigger shed that she'd take w/her!) I'd move my chickens down there, and since there's a tack room attached to that barn, I'd move all the tack out of my shed. KN could either keep her tack in there, or get her own shed. Then, I would not have to worry about her, I would not have to worry about the cats, and I could be left alone.
BarredBuff
El Presidente de Pollo
. I hope and pray your life gets better.
justusnak
Almost Self-Reliant
Deb. You can vent here anytime! I will say a prayer for you and your situation. Just know..we are all here to listen, and send a hug when you need it.
BarredBuff
El Presidente de Pollo
x2justusnak said:
framing fowl
On a mission
Hey sweetie! Here's hoping and praying that things begin to look up for you. Praying for encouragement to come your way today. 
Farmfresh
City Biddy
It is always tough to get things done when other people are in the way.
How often I have wished for someone who would just help me without being a P.I.T.A. Hubby and my kids have spent most of the past years thinking I am just a kook out "playing in my garden". It is only the last few years that I have had any help at all with that and only now because my health is failing!
I have known too many others who keep horses together and have exactly the same troubles you describe. One friend has had tack "borrowed" and never returned, trailers vandalized, been yelled at for calling a vet to attend a colicky horse that was not hers (talk about being appreciated) and bought feed and scooped poo for many a un-thankful person. This same friend FINALLY got her hubby to get it and he bought 10 acres for her horses and even built her a barn! Fortunately I have been able to steer clear of a lot of problems, because of what I have known. Of course this means that I have often had to wait on a dream as well to keep out of the problems. :/
There is no easy road. At least you can remember that there are a lot of us walking along that same rough road.
Wifezilla
Low-Carb Queen - RIP: 1963-2021
Giving kids whatever they want cripples them. Seriously. They become ungrateful obnoxious jerks. They do not learn the lessons they need to to become independent adults.
I have a friend who too up drinking fulltime and who also indulged the heck out of his kids. He got injured and lost that good paying job he had for so long. So now the kids wont talk to him unless they want something, he is about to lose his house, and the kids are now sponging off mom (the are divorced).
I have a friend who too up drinking fulltime and who also indulged the heck out of his kids. He got injured and lost that good paying job he had for so long. So now the kids wont talk to him unless they want something, he is about to lose his house, and the kids are now sponging off mom (the are divorced).
