end of life humor aka a fairly normal morning here

[baymule]

My Daddy had bone cancer and suffered terribly. Even in pain, he was upbeat and positive. I had already cried out my grief for him, his going was the freedom from pain and suffering.

My Mom had a stroke at 88 and came to live with us. I quit my job to care for her. We went to her attorney and she made her wishes plain and clear, he wrote up the paperwork. There was no way she wanted to be "saved" only to die a slow lingering death. She finally got so bad that I couldn't keep up, we talked about it and she went to a nursing home. We were with her when she died at 92. She was under hospice care. I made darn sure that the papers were on file, there was a DNR on her door.

 

[HomesteaderWife]

@baymule sorry for your loss of both parents, but as you said at least your father was no long suffering, and your mom had a very long life with her wishes made clear.

 

[Beekissed]

I'm with others with the advice on keeping a DNR request right with her ID...in the same pocket of her purse. Might even tape it TO the ID, so when someone looks for that, they have to have their hands on the DNR request and can't say they didn't see it or find it. Place a copy in the glove box as well.

Having it on record at the hospital means nothing....they may or may not have it on record even if you just put it there recently. They seem to have selective record keeping and if they can get that last bit of insurance/money from someone on their way out, they will.

A bracelet may be a good idea also, though not sure if they will recognize that item without paperwork to back it up....anyone could get one of those and wear it, so it doesn't mean much unless it indicates an allergy, which they WILL recognize as that's not anything that requires a legal document.

I applaud anyone getting prepared for their end....so many want to avoid that at all costs and won't let anyone even TALK about it. Folks can be weird about death, I've found.

Mom's got her coffin right in the cabin living room....a very lovely, plain pine box built from recycled pine from out in CO. It was a good deal and it also doubles as a blanket chest while not in use. I reinforced the lid so we can use it for seating as well. It fits into the rustic cabin design and most are used to it by now but it did create a stir when folks learned what that large chest/bench was for. Some folks wouldn't come near it and wouldn't even stay in the room with it! As if it was a recycled coffin that still had the germs of old remains on it or something.

Folks can sure be weird about death.

 

[flowerbug]

my sister send me a note and said we are a coupe of goombahs... lol

 

[Britesea]

I applaud anyone getting prepared for their end....so many want to avoid that at all costs and won't let anyone even TALK about it. Folks can be weird about death, I've found.

Mom's got her coffin right in the cabin living room....a very lovely, plain pine box built from recycled pine from out in CO. It was a good deal and it also doubles as a blanket chest while not in use. I reinforced the lid so we can use it for seating as well. It fits into the rustic cabin design and most are used to it by now but it did create a stir when folks learned what that large chest/bench was for. Some folks wouldn't come near it and wouldn't even stay in the room with it! As if it was a recycled coffin that still had the germs of old remains on it or something.

Folks can sure be weird about death.

I find that the people who are especially nervous about death are the ones without any real faith. If you have nothing to look forward to in the hereafter, the end of life is scary.

 

[HomesteaderWife]

That is true in my eyes @Britesea - I notice some of the most comfortable people who are prepared and accepting of the inevitable have a comfort knowing where they'll go after.

 

[baymule]

When my kids were small, there was a death in the family and we went to the funeral. They asked just what a funeral was. I told them, a funeral is when a person has died, their spirit is gone to be with God, but their body is still there. Everyone gathers to tell them goodbye, like a big going away party. Some people are sad and they cry because they are going to miss their loved one. Some people see friends or family that they haven't seen in a long time, they visit, talk and have a good time. It is ok to cry and it is ok to visit with friends. Everyone gathers to pay their respects and tell the person goodbye.

And there you have it.

 

[HomesteaderWife]

@baymule - That's got to be one of the most beautiful ways I've heard it described.

 

[Lazy Gardener]

When I check out, I want a big party. I've never been one to want a party for my birthday. But, I'm gonna want a big ol' party to celebrate my final home coming. I know what joy stands on the other side of my death. 1 Cor 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

I also do not want any heroic measures taken to keep me alive. LET ME GO!!!

That being said, I've worked in the medical field for most of my adult life. 25 years ago, my husband was critically ill. He spent weeks in ICU. He was on life support during part of that time. One of his first nights there, my mother heard the nursing staff talking about expecting 3 deaths that night. One of them was my beloved husband. (there were 2 deaths that night.)

Because of this, I have a unique perspective. I've seen the medical staff standing around like a bunch of vultures, hoping to harvest organs from a person who is treading the line between life and death. I've seen the life saving miracles offered by timely medical care. Because of that good care, and the prayers of a lot of people, I've been granted the last 25 years with my beloved husband. If he'd had a DNR order, or if he'd had a donor card, or if he didn't have any insurance, I wonder if I'd have been a widow for the past 25 years??? Based on these life experiences, I will not sign a donor card. But, my family knows my wishes. They know that I don't want to be kept alive simply to suffer a lingering death. When my time comes, I want to be allowed to GO! I'll gladly donate any bits and pieces that can be used to heal someone else.... I won't be needing them any more! Then, let the party begin.

In the mean time, hubby and I are retiring at the end of December. One of our first acts: get wills in place, be sure all the i's and t's are dotted and crossed, get medical POA documentation filed.

I urge every reader to have the necessary conversations with your family. What are your wishes? Who would be the primary person to see to it that your wishes are carried out? What can you do now to make that time easier for that primary person? If your parents are still alive, do you know what THEY want? Have they done the paperwork? When a loved one is laying in the hospital, unable to advocate for themselves, that's NOT THE TIME for family rivalries/different end of life values to play out.

 

[Britesea]

I've spoken to my family about what I want, but don't have anything in writing yet. I should get on that, I know.