Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[Mini Horses]

I am so sorry for your family and suggest that you & bro check out the altzhimers site....if you haven't already It will help you as to the progression and the stages they go thru. Plus there is a question & answer blog where you hear from other family sufferers of this type of dementia, often they are the caregivers of these parents. It will help your brother, who is still living there I believe, to deal with the fact that they really don't know what they are saying/doing with any real conception. And often gives some nice hints & replies for some of the questions/suggestions they will have. It's hard.

My mom would hide things, swear others came in & took it -- it was like an easter egg hunt many days __ right here at my house. Yes, she was going to call police (just couldn't figure out how to use the phone -- and it was one of the OLD nothing but 10 buttons type, which I had gotten to allow her to be able to even use prior) Hopefully they won't keep answering the phone as they will buy anything being sold!!! Are they having trouble using a TV remote, phone, even using the washing machine? Often they develop almost a dyslexic outlook on such "controls" & can't seem to remember/figure it out what to do as the brain tissue declines.

Sure feel your frustration and know it well. Start looking because one day before long you will need to have them both placed in "assisted living" and it is extremely expensive. I am only child, so no issues with siblings on decisions and many families do have that problem between bro/sis decisions. If one complains, assign THEM the job of caretaker for a while....they will soon be believers! It was nice of your aunt to recognize your plight and "help" you all to find the silver.
Your mom doesn't remember hiding it!

We will listen to the end!!!!!!!!!!! It helps to be able to tell what's happening and to be able to release any guilt. They can't help it and we can't correct it. That hubby of yours is probably very "in the know" from a nursing standpoint. At least he can sit in the hot tub & drink wine with ya, even share a chuckle at what some may think is your imagination.

CONGRATS on chicks. Yeah, it's gonna be winter soon -- no more eggs hatching, ok? Play with the goats. Milk & make cheese. I do lasagna with the soft vinegar cheese. Great!

Hope you don't get more of the heavy rain. Mud is not fun.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks MH...all good suggestions.

My brother (lives next door) hasn't learned to let it roll off his back...and he probably never will. I am, at least, a little better at that. I honestly think it's because I detached emotionally from them a very long time ago. Doesn't mean I don't care for them, but my happiness has never depended on their approval, acknowledgement, or assistance.

I think that at least some of my angst in this situation comes from being the middle child. I am inclined to want to be the peacemaker between them. I want to fix this, and it isn't fixable.

My folks are still able to take care of the activities of daily living. They take care of the house and their personal hygiene very well. Mom still does laundry and dad cooks a little. Mom never cooked, lol. They have hired folks for the lawn care and need to find someone for the pool maintenance. They could convince an outsider that they're fine...just fine. And as long as you were not too close to them you'd believe them.

But, the situation will not get better. I've already checked out several assisted living places and talked to mom about them. She says that she thinks it's a great idea - just not right now. I guarantee you it will never be the right time for her. It will take something catastrophic before a change is made.

The saddest thing for me is that their last years will be spent this way...in fear, distrust and anger. That really stinks.

No more hatching, no more hatching, no more hatching. Except that I offered to hatch some chicks for some folks who are looking. If they decide to go ahead with it the chicks will be pre-paid and be picked up at a day old. Maybe they'll say no...

 

[Britesea]

I feel so sorry for all of you! Your brother is hurt and betrayed; your parents are frightened and confused (unfortunately at this stage they ARE aware that all is not well, in their more lucid moments... can you imagine how scary that is for them?) and you are stuck in the middle, and feeling somewhat guilty that you are not the dutiful, loving child.

Don't be too sure that your parents are taking care of things in the house. I don't know how long she'd been doing it, but I discovered one day (investigating the gawd-awful noise in the laundry room) that she was using the dryer as a dishwasher! It's a wonder she didn't electrocute herself! It certainly explained where all her dishes were going-- into the trash! I also would find things in oddball places- like finding the garden hose neatly wrapped up in a paper bag in the oven. Luckily, I had already unplugged the stove by that time, and was bringing her meals to her... so we never got to find out how Hose en Papillote would taste.

 

[Denim Deb]

That's really scary!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Oh wow, thankfully we're not that far down the road yet. I had time to take a good look at their house while mom was hospitalized and it's cleaner than mine, lol. Only thing I noticed was way back under a cabinet that is really hard to get to was a box of crackers that were ancient and had evidence of some roach activity. My brother did a roach treatment and, thankfully, took care of that before their break-up. My mother is the type who will take every book of the shelf and dust it separately. Their cooking these days is very simple and they utilize a lot of frozen meals so clean up is a breeze. Other than daddy's coffee cups they dirty up very little in the kitchen. My mother has always been about appearances, so keeping the house up is ingrained in her. Me - not so much, lol!

I'm going to see about taking tomorrow afternoon off to go take her shopping. I hate to use up vacation time, but this weekend's weather is not looking good. Severe thunderstorms in the forecast and I don't want to drive over an hour each way in bad weather - not to mention getting her in and out of the car in the rain/thunderstorms.

Sold 10 Ameraacana chicks last night. Some nice young couple came and took the little stinkers and handed me $50 bucks and we were all happy! Might hatch a few more and see if they sell too. Oh wait - no more hatching, no more hatching, no more hatching.... (maybe)!

 

[Denim Deb]

Well, if you're selling them....

 

[frustratedearthmother]

What the heck happened to my weekend? It's been rainy as heck from Friday until now and.. geeze, it sucks! I just saw a weather report that says our area has had 17 inches since last weekend. Grrrr!

DH and I went to Mom's yesterday and did their shopping for them. The usual hour and 15 minute drive took over 2 hours. It rained all the way. The biggest problem was a huge wreck that had the entire highway closed complete with the helicopter ambulance landing on the street. As soon as we saw the copter making it's descent we made a big ol' U turn and tried to get around the worst of it. Biggest problem is that we were skirting the bay and eventually had to go right back toward the wreck. We made it around from the other direction - but barely.

We finally got to the folks house and listened to them "W"itch about my brother (it was Halloween, lol) for awhile. We finally grabbed their list and headed out to shop. Spent an hour picking up their groceries and delivered them back to the folks. Visited a little while - more 'w'itching about my brother and I had to get out of there. BUT - not before I told my mom I had a dream about her silver... I told her I dreamed it was in her closet, lol. Then I took her in there and showed her the LOST silver. Well - her story is that there WAS a lot more silver... that what is in her closet is nothing... geeze. I just let it go. But, she hasn't called me today so I'm sure I'm on her list of terrible people now because I defied her. Oh well....

Spent most of today, in the rain, helping my son move. I'm so excited about his new house. I told him that he'd better get ready for me to move in with him in about 20 years or so. I hope I've got 20 good years left! All this stuff with mom is making me really think about my own future.

I'm tired - moving wore me out! Can't believe I'm thinking about bed and it's only 7:15, lol!

 

[Britesea]

Lol, my girlfriend told me she said the same thing to her daughter, about moving in. The daughter told her "Come ahead, old woman-- I REMEMBER my childhood"... not the most encouraging thing to hear, eh? Luckily she was joking.

 

[Denim Deb]

Wondered how you were doing w/all the rain down there. Stay safe!

And w/the time change, that 7:15 was more like 8:15. I went to bed early as well.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

My DIL said she'd be happy if I moved in (because I cook), but that she could never tolerate her own mother, lol! Her mother's idea of cooking was to boil pork chops....UGH!

And, even though I did go to bed early I'm still tired. Of course, I woke up before the alarm, because my internal alarm has not made the change yet.

Happy Monday...