Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[Mini Horses]

REALLY difficult situation....they can't help it but, it doesn't help much. You soon realize that this is not your "parent" and deal with it as you would any person that has "issues". My "MOM" left me many years before her death & I had to deal with it as many of us have had to do. It is so sad to watch and at some point you are caring for a person who is no where near what your "parent" was in years past. It will not improve for more than a day or two, so you have to accept that. I so feel for your situation and so understand what you are having to work through. I can only offer understanding support & sympathy for it all.

You are doing a GREAT job -- and it IS a job!

Kudos for penning the goats. LOL Mine are ready to breed and I am working at my jobs, so limited time to deal with but will at some point. Finishing my winter prep -- winter is very different here than there -- and working to pay bills, buy hay, etc. I will get to it sometime. Rotating pastures to help with feed costs/needs, sheltering expensive equipment, etc., is more important than a new kid at this point. Of course, next Spring I will feel differently. So be it. It will all get done in a week or three.

 

[NH Homesteader]

It's similar to when I had to work certain kiddos at school through meltdowns. Some of them you had to do that with or they would stay in la-la land, agitated, all day. It worked but boy I got some crap for it from the touchy-feely types!

Sorry your mom had a rough day. They've put my grandfather on anti-anxiety meds as needed and it also really helps, and they work fast too.

Sorry Chester, you've been outwitted! Lol!!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

REALLY difficult situation

It is....and usually she has more good days than bad...but this one is bad. She doesn't know whether she's coming or gong and she's so upset and trying to make sense of it. But there is no sense to be made. You will get around to breeding goats when the time is right.

@NH Homesteader - yes! Just like what you said...kind of just have to talk them through it. It's almost like throwing her a life preserver and "making" her grab it - if that makes sense. Hope the drugs help your granddad.

Anyway....started this response a while ago. Got them up and fed them dinner and now they're both sitting on the sofa. Mom seems much improved right now. Guess the Haloperidol wore off and she's back mostly to herself.

Yep - Chester is NOT a happy little guy right now, lol. He makes me laugh!

 

[NH Homesteader]

Hope your mom has a better day today!

And this is why we have so much trouble with goats...

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/never-underestimate-goat-not-stupid-looks-180950265/

 

[frustratedearthmother]

She was so much better after dinner and was back to her passive-aggressive self last night, lol! She's so funny. She gets up and down out of bed alllll night. Usually I don't pay much attention to it - but last night I was still worried about her so I kept checking on her. I would find her standing in front of the refrigerator, door wide open, alarm dinging, and her just staring. I asked her what she wanted - she says she doesn't know. I tell her you can't stand there with the door open so let me know what you want and I'll fix it for you. She still doesn't know what she wants - and still has the door open. I ask her if she hears the alarm...What alarm? Geeze louise! Finally she says she will just go back to bed and 'do without.' Alright....suit yourself. I had offered her yogurt, juice, leftovers, cookies, milk.... Lather, rinse, repeat... SIGH. The last time I got out of bed to check on her was a bit after 4am. My alarm goes off at 5:40ish. I need sleep - real sleep - uninterrupted sleep.

@NH Homesteader - Loved the article! Goats are so much smarter than people give them credit for. I used to have a wether - disbudded of course - that would pick up a stick and use it to scratch his back. Using tools is a pretty good sign of higher intelligence. Nothing dumb about these guys...

 

[NH Homesteader]

Oh my it's like having a baby, being up all night. Have you made many progress on looking into assisted living or anything? That must be exhausting. I can't imagine.

Yep that's a pretty smart goat!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Finally had the talk with dad about their house this morning. Told him it would be best if we sell it.... tonight we talked about assisted living. He's not thrilled - but is accepting. Still have a lot of preliminary work to do. Waiting to hear from FEMA about the appeal...fingers crossed on that one! Have to talk again with the retirement plan administrator about accessing that money... Need to convince my brother that selling the house without working on it is the simplest idea. He's not sold on it - but in the end I've got the POA so I've got the final say. I'd just rather it work out where we can agree on things.

DH found out today that he can NOT drive at night. He almost didn't make it home...said he couldn't see anything - especially because it was raining. Sooooo, if he can't drive at night there is a problem. It's dark here by 5:30 and a lot of times he's 90 miles from home and just leaving a site at 5:00. He can't drive 90 miles in 30 minutes through Houston traffic to be home before the sun sets.

He had to make another emergency run to the doc office Tuesday...he's losing his peripheral vision in the left eye. Doc has no idea why. He was able to do some laser surgery on the right eye in hopes to prevent any more bleeds in that eye but ... the eye isn't clearing from the last bleed. This is just... messed up.

Mom's new obsession is with time. She watches her watch constantly and every minute asks me what time it is to see if her watch is right.

Put more quail eggs in the incubator and some chicken eggs too. Hope they do better than last time.

Speaking of time - I think I'm done. I need sleep. If I go to bed now I might get a couple hours before mom starts her nightly foraging.

 

[baymule]

Your poor husband. He has been through the wringer with his eyes. Yes, it is dark at 5 or 5:30 now. He just might have to retire earlier than he planned.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Your poor husband.

He is so depressed... Blaming himself for his diabetes and not taking better care of himself in the past. When he got home last night he was devastated and nearly in tears and I couldn't even comfort him because I was dealing with mom right at that moment.

He just might have to retire earlier than he planned.

He's going to have to tell his company that he can't drive after dark and of course he thinks that will cost him his job anyway. I don't know if it will go that far of if he'll just drop back to part-time. I don't even care! I know how to be poor.

But, that's another thing that's depressing him. He's always made a great salary. Now he's making about a third of what he's made in the past and thinks he's going to lose that too. Again - I don't care! I can teach him to be poor too, lol.

But, it worried me some when he said he couldn't live with being a burden to me.

I 'splained to him that if he gets to be a stay-at-home husband that he will NOT be a burden - that he will ease my burdens tremendously. I'll have him out there doing everything I can't do because I'm at work. He CAN do physical labor in the winter. Summer heat screws up his blood sugar something fierce - but winter - it's his season!

And - instead of paying a caregiver - we can pay him for mom/dad's care. At least until/if we can find them other arrangements.

This weekend I plan to rake out the barn and incorporate the composted manure into my growing tubs and the garden area. I'm going to move the two young male pigs into a different area and try to get a bit of a winter garden going. I'm excited about that. There's nothing I love more than fresh homegrown broccoli and cabbages. I might just take a chance and plant some peas too. "They" say our winter is going to be warmer than usual (eh - not sure I believe it...but) so I might get away with planting some peas and a few other things not specifically labeled "winter" veggies. Nothing like a good garden experiment!

 

[NH Homesteader]

Ah that would be good for everyone if he stayed home to help with your folks! Assuming he's ok with that... I imagine it all must be really hard on him.

Yay for winter garden! I have never heard of such a thing, lol!!