Getting acclimated to country

[baymule]

I'm still attempting to grieve the passing of the only man I've called DAD. I've cried some tears but haven't really broke down yet.
1.) Does that mean I haven't accepted his passing?
2.) Does that mean I don't want to think of him being gone?
3.) Does that mean I didn't really think of him as Dad?

1. I believe that you are still stunned by the news and the manner in which it was delivered.
2. No, you don't want to think of him as being gone.
3. You really did think of him as your Dad, you loved him dearly and still do.

This is hard on you and with good reason. Write him a letter. Pour your heart out on paper and tell him everything you ever wanted him to know. Read it to him out loud. he will hear you, he will know and it will bring you comfort. Your DAD loved you and you love him. It stinks on how you found out of his passing. You can't dwell on that or it will make you crazy. Concentrate on the love he gave you and the love you gave in return. He was, is, and will always be, YOUR DAD.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

There's no time table for grief. You will do it on your own time. When my sister passed I cried when I heard - then I got caught up in the family drama of everything and I just got angry. That feeling lasted awhile until one day it was like a dam breaking... Not crying does not mean that you didn't love him or feel that he was your dad. Bay's suggestion is a good one.

 

[Country homesteader]

Well, today is my first day of being alone since my Dad passed away last Thurs.
As of right this minute I'm holding on and hanging in there even though I've read the obituary about the man I called Dad. I still can't believe he's gone but he's with his mother and father now, no longer in pain, able to walk, run and breathe now.

 

[Country homesteader]

I just read the full obituary for the man I called Dad. I'm not even mentioned so now I'm highly ticked off ( well, more than ticked off but I'm attempting to keep this post clean).

 

[sumi]

What @baymule said: Concentrate on the love he gave you and the love you gave in return. He was, is, and will always be, YOUR DAD.

I remember how I felt when my dad left us, 10 years ago. Shocked, grieving, angry at the family for taking over the funeral and the arrangements without consulting us who were there with him, grieving… It is a shock when someone close to us leaves and we all handle it in different ways, in the way we each feel comfortable with. Be what you need to be right now and don't worry about feeling "normal" or not doing or feeling what you think you should. As long as you get to feel o.k. eventually, that's all that matters. We're here if you'd like to talk and you're welcome to send me a private message, if you want to really let it all out without worrying about it being "in public"

 

[lcertuche]

When Daddy passed it was a long drawn out process. He was in the hospital for a month. Family drama galore. I made a long list of chores and worked doing them until I finished weeks later. It kept me busy, gave me something else to concentrate on and when I was finished I was ready to remember him without falling apart. I have suffered from clinical depression for years and I knew if I didn't do something I could have a setback that can last for years.

 

[Britesea]

I never did actually cry when my father passed, though I went into a deep depression that required medication for about 6 months. The hardest part was that he said No funeral or memorial service... I really needed that closure. As a result, I've made sure there will be a memorial service- those are for the people left behind, not the deceased.

 

[Country homesteader]

I know when my Dad's memorial service is and I don't know if I'm going to be able to attend or if I'm able to attend what kind of reaction it may bring- family drama!!!!

 

[Mini Horses]

Over the past few months things you have posted lead me to believe that there is far more to your anger than the death of your dad. Until you confront those issues within yourself, you will not be able to move forward with life. Please look to a counselor with your own well being needs. There are those available without charge. Most pastors can advise where to find such help. I urge you to do this to help yourself. I know you are hurting over many things.

Please try to calm & attend the memorial service, without any confrontations. Just go and pray. Honor his memory and his part in your life. Your dad didn't write the obit. He loved you.

 

[sumi]

I know when my Dad's memorial service is and I don't know if I'm going to be able to attend or if I'm able to attend what kind of reaction it may bring- family drama!!!!

Do your best to attend, if you can. If you can't, have a little ceremony for him, at home. Anything you'd like to do, light a candle for him, or plant a tree in his memory, just something to help you say goodbye and find closure. Ignore the family drama and everything else as best you can and try to just focus on this now, remembering him, his love for you, saying goodbye, coming to terms with his passing.