HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

[Ldychef2k]

I think that those of use who did NOT have a good Father sometimes forget what a good FATHER is and can do for a child. It is also a problem when all of the memories brought on by the word "father" are bad ones. It gets in the way our whole lives and even makes it hard to get close to our Heavenly Father.

Preach it, sister.

I can't restrain myself from telling another story, because this one changed my life forever.

Because of the kind of father I had, I was terrified of God. I became a Christian because I was afraid of what He would do to me if I didn't. It took 30 years to learn the truth.

I had a very hard day one day and was at my wits' end in sadness and frustration. I knew how to pray, but I seldom got to the emotion of it, out of fear and out of doubt that the Father cared at all what I did or felt. But this day I just needed a Daddy so much.

So, I put aside my fears and just started talking to God like he was in the room. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes and kept talking.

And I started to see a picture in my mind of me as a little girl, about five or six maybe. I was dressed as a little girl would have been dressed in the 1950's, when I actually was that age. Ruffled dress, mary Janes and white socks. I was on the floor of a beautiful 1950's cottage home and outside the window there were hollyhocks waving in the breeze.

Soon the front door opened and from my small height I saw two huge legs walk through the door and a large briefcase was set down on the carpet.

Suddenly there was an enormous overstuffed chair in the middle of the room and this figure, who I knew was at the same time my Daddy and The King of the Universe, the Lord God, lowered Himself into the depths of the chair.

He patted his knee as a signal for me to hop up into his lap, then he rested my head in the crook of his neck and said, "I love you so much. Why don't you tell me about your day?"

So, I did. I spoke my heart to a Father who loved me, who treasured and adored me. And he listened without criticising or ridiculing me, without pinching me until I cried or giving me a "Dutch Rub" and laughing when it hurt.

That scenario changed my life completely.

 

[Blackbird]

Father's Day is a very uncomfortable day for me. My dad was and is abusive, although at 84 not so much physically any more. He is a bully, has a hair trigger, and says some of the most hateful things you can imagine. Since he can't lash out physically any more, he does it verbally. He is a profound racist, uses the N word liberally, and spews a whole lot of hate. I have no respect for him at all. I remember one time in my life that he said he loved me, and that was after I lost weight. Today, he calls me an "ugly bloated tomato". So, while I participate in the activities with the family, I do not do it to honor my father.

Do we have the same dad???
My dad has never once said he loved me, never said he was proud of me, or that I was a good son, never said 'good job'.

Not celebrating the 'F Day' here, well, because my dad isn't even here, don't know when he'll even be back.

I guess I disagree about needing a father to 'teach a man how to be a man'. To be a man, all you need is to be born with the male anatomy. However, there are many people qualified, of either gender, to teach a child how to be a good person. It is not a gender-to-gender only thing.. The gender stereotypes are over-rated, and really bug me.

However, to all the GOOD and CARING fathers out there; Happy Father's Day.

 

[Mackay]

Right Blackbird.

My neighbor, now a retired contractor, never had a father that cared. It was his neighbor that took him under his wing, made sure he got through college, taught him the things he needed to know to be honest and decent. He ran building business and became well loved by his employees for his compassion and generosity. Now he runs a small cattle ranch, to gentle and kindly to send them so slaughter. His 200 head are more like pets.

But I do think lots of boys need males to role model especially if the mom can't cut the mustard or if you live in a part of life that is cruely male dominated. Life can be so big and so scary and we look to those around us for how to manage it all. OF course many fine men make it without dads but it sure must help a lot.... so many little boys look up to their dads and want to be just like them and I certainly saw that in my two boys... they weren't trying to be like me, that was for sure. Everything was daddy daddy daddy.

Some people are just born good no matter what the parents bring to the mix and they will seek out and find the goodness they deserve.

 

[Farmfresh]

I don't think a boy has to have a good father to become one. Just as I never had a real mom, just a fear inducing horrible woman that bore me and yet I grew up to be a pretty decent person AND a good Mother. BUT IT SURE HELPS!

My cousin is a great Dad. He is always there for his kids. Loving, fun and yet firm about any foolishness on their part. I remember watching HIS dad beat him until he was bloody with a garden hose and another time actually kick him down a flight of stairs. His dad was a traveling salesman and hardly ever around for him either (probably a good thing considering the beatings). His dad died and a bit of time past before my cousin had any kids of his own. During this period I am convinced my cousin suffered some sort of mental and emotional trauma... he TOTALLY forgot everything about his dad and simply made up a new one.

If you sit with him now he will talk about the time his dad spent with him and how kind he always was. My cousin is set on being "Just as good of a Dad as mine was". But the standard is being set by this fabricated image of his dad and believe you me NOT his real father. The standard is high however and his kids are reaping the benefits. I would NEVER dream to remind him of the truth.

My hubby on the other hand actually had a good dad. He played ball with the kids, cooked dinner, kept a decent job, and drug their hineys to church every Sunday. There WERE major problems with the man, but none were appearant to my hubby growing up. He just saw the good side of things. How much easier was it for him to be a good dad - he just remembered the things his dad would do and copy. Just for the record my hubby not only did things his dad did, he did SO MUCH more! He was far and away the best parent I have ever seen - far better at it than I ever was.

Something else

This thread has really got me thinking and wondering now.

It seems like SO MANY of us on this forum grew up with trauma, turmoil, insecurity and uncertainty in our lives ... do you think this might be at least PART of the reason we are all striving so hard for self sufficiency now?

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Blackbird, any man can father a child - but it takes a special man to be a DAD.