In Shock

[AmericanHomesteader]

My wife of 18 years together 23 years has decided that she is moving out, said the off grid life is to much She is moving on with out me, I am so lost and depressed. I know this hard scrabble life is demanding and now it just got worst, i have everything invested in it and im stuck here alone. I have always had my feet on the ground, knew what direction to go but now im lost, i feel like i am wondering around aimless.

She told me she loves me but not in love anymore, all this hit me out of the blue. I never seen this coming. I dont know if i can do this myself. At the moment i have given up hope. Yeah i still feed and water the livestock, garden is getting weeded up and need to work in it, just dont have any motivation to do anything really.

What should i do? I really need some advice, i have depended on her so much.

 

[sumi]

I'm so sorry... Have you asked her what exactly it is that is getting her and if there is something you can do/add to the homestead to make it more comfortable for her?

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I am so very sorry for your situation. When I found myself in a similar situation some 20 years ago I didn't know what to do either. I think it takes a while for your new circumstances to set in. I agree with Sumi - talk to her - see if there's ANYthing that will make her think differently about her decision.

Unfortunately, that didn't work for me, so after the initial shock I found solace in working my place. It was hard, but I learned to do what I needed to do. And, after awhile I learned to enjoy having the freedom of doing things my way. (took a while to get there though)

I really hope things work out for you and your wife.

 

[FarmerJamie]

FEM, didn't work for me either. Been there, got the t-shirt, sooo...
Lawyer up, don't let the door hit her in the backside on the way out, and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I am not being bitter, just realistic. I just don't know what the heck is going on in society these days.

 

[Denim Deb]

Would she be willing to go for counseling?

 

[Britesea]

I am so sorry for you. It sounds like she won't be open to talking about it or counseling- or she would have let you know that she was unhappy sooner. I pray that I'm wrong though...

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Again, I hope things do work out for you - but I have to agree with FJ also. You've worked hard for what you've got so you do need legal protection.

 

[AmericanHomesteader]

I have tried to talk to her, she refuses to go to counseling I'm struggling with accepting it and trying to look ahead, it's strange how someone can just flip a switch like nothing bothers them. I know i will have to protect my assets, biggest one is the homestead its 36 acres and paid for. I haven't told any of my family yet, Im just not ready to deal with that.

I am 54 years old and thought i would be enjoying life on the homestead with my wife til the day i died, but all that changed in the blink of an eye. Right now it just feels like the hurt will never end.

 

[goatgurl]

i so know how you feel, exhubby of 17 years came in, ate lunch, cleared his throat and said "i want a divorce". I'm like what?? i thought i could trust him with my life but not so much i guess. he left me for another woman who was more fun, yep fun. i raised our then 13 year old daughter by my self while he had fun. all i can tell you is this too shall pass and life will go on. how long will it hurt? i don't know but you will function day by day until one day you realize you will be ok. I'm like you in that i thought we would grow old together, sit on the front porch and watch the world go by. now I've moved on, have a place all my own and live the life i want to live. do i miss my 'happily ever after', yes i do but i am also content with life now. i pray Gods peace for you. and please, please protect your self legally and financially. i know it feels to soon to get an attorney and you may feel that she wouldn't hurt you or take advantage of you but divorce is never pretty and only you can protect you. he wouldn't get counseling either, said if anyone had a problem it was me and if i wanted counseling i could get it. so i did and it helped me get thru the ordeal. i highly recommend it.

 

[FarmerJamie]

Hopefully, as a guy, I can offer some help from our perspective. The hurt WILL end.

First, this is a death. A death of a relationship. You WILL, you MUST, go through the seven stages of grief in order to heal.
- Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope

It's going to be hard, but you will experience all of these. You are about the same age as me, our relationships were about the same length. Guys our age were expected to be the provider, the rock, the stoic anchor in the storm. From personal experience, jettison that crap right now. It's BS. You are a human being, with emotions, pain, and lots of crazy thoughts racing through your head. Cry, scream, rage at the moon, it's okay to be emotional.

After 2 years, I am not ashamed to say that I am somewhere around the 6th stage, trying to move to the 7th. Find someone to talk to, a friend, clergy if you are so inclined, or a mental health professional.

There is nothing unseemly or unmanly to seek out help. Took me 6 months to realize that fact. Six months of time wasted I could have spent healing