Making your money choices and family

[me&thegals]

we went to children only gifts a few years ago and it has really helped us (the whole family) alot. we set the child gift age limit at 18 years old. at 18 the parents get them something but not the uncles, aunts and grandparents. some of us in the family now pool our money and sponsor a family in our county during the holidays.

That is a really excellent idea!

I'm sure this type of situation (that the OP posted) is not always the case, but it seems to me SO much money is spent unnecessarily over Christmas on people who really don't NEED anything while so many people on earth don't have even basic needs met.

Sounds like BIL was a bit rude. It's hard to not feel cheap when you're just trying to be financially responsible, especially in contrast with someone who is generous but in a financially irresponsible way. A tough one without majorly stomping on toes in trying to explain your stance.

 

[Dace]

Sounds like your BIL ha his head in the clouds....I would disregard any off comments.

This year we only did baked goods, and a jar of OFG's Gingerbread pancake mix. We bought our mothers a small gift.

Next year we will do a bit more but as usual my well laid plans of this year um, crashed and burned.

I think store bought gifts for adults is silly, perhaps you could talk to everyone and make it a new family rule...kid gifts only!

 

[PamsPride]

My MIL bought us a brand new fridge this year...bought BIL a new stove! ON CREDIT!! Spent well over $200 on each of my kids...remember I have 6 kids! ON CREDIT!! Then when she was over a few days before Christmas she was stressing because they were talking about layoffs at her work!!
My BIL did not get us anything....same as last year. I am cool with that! We made them homemade chocolates!
DH's aunt and cousin buys for me and DH and each of the kids. I made them homemade chocolates.
My brother did not do anything for the kids this year...for the first time. He has been laid off of work for over a year.
I do not plan on buying all of my grandkids stuff when they are born. I plan on doing family gifts. I don't want to set up the expectation that my kids should spend that much on Christmas getting each other and each others kids stuff for Christmas. That could add up to be a LOT of gifts!
6 kids, 6 spouses just 2 kids each...hopefully more...that's 24 gifts!!

 

[enjoy the ride]

I would suspect that your BIL knows exactly what his situation allows but is making himself feel better by pretending it just ain't so. And your position puts a dent in that. There are obviously lots of feelings mixed in with the gifts.

I used to love looking for the gifts that would mean something to the receiver but I admit I have now slouched off- I hardly know any of my family anymore.

But I can also remember getting gifts myself that had great meaning to me like a photo my sister had taken of me on a beloved horse who died or a pair of slippers that were exceptionally warm.

And my most appreciated gifts where to one I made when money was very short- I'd had to think hard to come up with something I could make and they were surprisingly the most often appreciated.

So I still love the idea of giving. It is indeed the thought that counts but not just the minimal "I have to get something" thought but real time spent thinking about the person. Healthy for both giver and recepient. And not in dollars but in the feeling that some love is represented.

 

[Wifezilla]

Sounds like your BIL ha his head in the clouds

I was thinking it was somewhere a bit lower

 

[hikerchick]

A friend that I used to work with gave me some Macoun apples for Christmas. I almost cried when I saw them; because she remembered how much I loved them and how hard I looked for them when I moved here to PA. sure, 6 apples don't cost that much, but the thought behind them was priceless.

 

[sufficientforme]

Someday he will figure it out hopefully, I just would not change your gift giving standards, next year give him a financial planning book for laughs.

 

[hikerchick]

I have always been fortunate in that I don't care what anyone thinks of me; least of all my family.

 

[big brown horse]

Sounds like your BIL ha his head in the clouds

I was thinking it was somewhere a bit lower

I would also ignore this BIL as he sounds like the laughing stock of the family if he is wasting his money AND sucking his inlaws dry. (Especially in this economy!!!) I'm sure everyone in the whole family is aware of his, um stupidity.

AND what type of role model is he for the children in the family??? In this economy we should be teaching our children how to adapt. Remaining financially secure should be the number one gift to give our children...even if we have to cut corners and make our gifts from scratch. (I gave homemade bread to everyone I knew. Everyone else got a card with a nice little handwritten note inside, maybe a photo of my daughter.)

And Okiegirl, I love the 12 year old limit! IMHO Christmas is never about the gifts!! (Children or not.) The best gift my daughter said she got this year was a $2.00 walk-on ferry ride to get a $1.00 ice cream cone on the other side. She even said to me "Mom this is the best gift ever!" Three bucks each and we had the best time together! (She is an easy pleaser I know, but I would like to take some credit for that. I never over indulged her with gifts. I would much rather make our experiences together memorable.)

 

[big brown horse]

Someday he will figure it out hopefully, I just would not change your gift giving standards, next year give him a financial planning book for laughs.

Aww, you didn't need to edit your post! I get just as upset around Christmas about the wastful spending too. (Christmas is not just about giving!!) My daughter's best friend's dad lost his job right before Christmas and her mom's job is part time and not secure. She came over to our house with a brand new fancy ipod and an awesome set of ear phones and told us about all of the other gifts she and her siblings got. (I know they may have been purchased earlier in the year during one of those crazy sale days, but still!!!) You have to be careful in these times, even if you think your job will be there.