My DH won't even try

[Rosalind]

Im not sure how to untrain myself.

It is difficult but can be done. You must keep very firm resolve and learn liberal use of the word NO. Make a note for yourself that you are not the bad guy for saying NO.

Since were married his lack of financial planning does affect me. For example if he doesnt pay his auto insurance then gets in a wreck my wages can be garnished, our house could be sold out from under us to pay off whatever damaged is caused.

I agree with most of what you wrote but what he does affects me greatly. There is no His credit card. It just has name on it. I dont want our credit rating ruined. He can max the card out then run off and join the circus or heaven forbid, die and Ill have to pay it off.

Compare "amount of money I will have to pay out for auto wreck which may not happen" vs. "amount of money currently paid to cover your DH's currently existing bills." Recall that even truly bad credit issues like bankruptcies are repairable. Is he going to run off and join the circus? Really? When you're putting a roof over his head and food in his mouth? Even if he does, it seems like you'd be getting a net profit, so I'm not sure that's a cloud without a silver lining...

I dont know. If I have the money and dont pay the bill when we get a late notice because that was his bill to pay I feel like Im playing games.

He's playing games with you. Turnabout is fair play. There's nothing wrong with games between adults.

Honestly, I think the best policy when it comes to marital finances is "start as you intend to continue." That is, don't start out taking care of all the bills and then change the rules. Your spouse/partner is bound to feel that the situation is unjust when the rules change, because they've been led to believe that you will handle everything and grant their every wish. So it's tough to change. That doesn't mean it can't be done, only that it takes some spinal fortitude and constant reminders that you do love them and that you are shutting your wallet for the GOOD of the relationship. If all your spouse loves you for is your money, what kind of relationship is that?

 

[Better Half]

Thanks everyone for your advice and stories. Its best to discuss this with strangers since people I know say either to dump him or some version of thats not so bad, you could be married to Christie Brinkleys soon to be ex. Money is what most couples fight about so I figured I could get some good advice from people who have solved their problems.

Paying bills on time is very important to me. It isnt to him. He has no desire to be frugal. His idea of sacrifice is my idea of extravagance. I understand that I have to live with our differences even when his behavior strikes me as completely illogical. I got rid of the home phone three years ago because he would make long distance calls from the home phone when there are no long distance charges on the cell and plenty of unused minutes.

I cant say he wont even try since he brought home a truckload of firewood the other day. But its frustrating when he reads homesteading magazines and The self-sufficient life and how to live it, talks about someday, when we could actually do this stuff instead of fantasizing about it if he would live within his means. Someday will never come if we dont take some steps toward it. Why doesn't he see this? Amortization tables don't impress him.

 

[FarmerChick]

so hard to change the true inner workings of people. ya just can't do it...LOL

make the best of the situation and one day, who knows, he may just "up and surprise" you..HA HA

Tony has no sense when it comes to money or financials. I do all the worrying, all the paying, everything. I am sure he could do it (well, maybe) if I couldn't, but heck, he wouldn't know where anything is or which acct. things are paid from..HA HA

I think (FOR ME) I work my marriage as a his and hers and ours. I have my things, he does his, and we get along in the middle and I can't go too far into "his" domain of thinking or I would freak out..HA HA