Ohiofarmgirl'sAdventuresinTheGoodLand-where ya been? whatcha been doin

[AL]

I have to chime in on the bully stuff. I was bullied a lot because of my weight. Looking back at school pics I wasn't even "fat".
Now I realize this story could never apply in today's "Columbine world", but I'm telling it anyway.
In 6th grade I was 11yrs old, an averaged sized kid (looking back). There was a girl in my class who was 14. She bullied me and picked on me, twisted my ears and insulted me. I finally told my mom, who went to the principal. Mr. W called me to his office and said "I understand your dad has told you to either fight back or you will get a whipping when you get home?" "yes sir" "Well, you will get one before you go home too. Don't let her do you that way"

The next day D pushed me to the concrete floor in the gym and started slamming my head against it. I vividly remember 2 things - 1) seeing the girls behind her yelling "Kick her @$$ Lori!" and me thinking "y'all are the ones on your feet" and 2) knowing I had to do something NOW. That is all I remember until the PE teacher had pulled me off of the girl and had me pinned against the wall. They sent us to the principal, Mr W asked me if I was ok and sent me on to class while D went to juvey.


I don't have kids of my own, but I have nephews and a niece whom I would die for. It is a scary environment kids face these days. I count my blessings that their schools are pretty good and have several "peer" programs in place.

 

[dragonlaurel]

Why thank you DL
I'm glad I'm here too.

In my response to BibBird on her blog I mentioned a shift in the earth/universe.. Have you noticed this too Laura?

I didn't see your response on it. I'll try to look.

 

[miss_thenorth]

I had this really long reply written about my son's story, and i am debating posting it. On one hand I want to respect his privacy, but on the other hand, I think it might help other ppl. today was his first day back at school after suspension. He was worried about what ppl would say, b/c all his former classmates were trashing him and saying he lost (he didn't).

BibB, I woul dlike more info if you would care to share, maybe it is something that could be implemented in hsi school. and altered to fit my dd's grade school. she is encountering a different type of bullying after she ended a 2 year friendship. girls can be m e a n.

OFG, ds is an outdoors kid--dirtbikes, quads, bmx, hunting, even doing chores around the farm. NoFB, but Ido look up his classmates. It's amazing to me that they don't know how to change their privacy settings. church and 4H are 45 minutes away, but it's ok, (he's busy enough) and he knows most ppl aren't jerks. We have just deduced it to his former classmates. Well, most of his school for that matter. We can talk about the parenting that goes on with most of his classmates and that will explain alot. I think my kids are some of the very few who actually have a bed time, and chores etc.

BB, don't you even think about it!!!!!!! Promise all of us here that yo will NEVER consider that again!!!!!!! You're much too valuable!

a lot of churches use anti gay stuff as a way to keep their congregrations reved up so they can keep the $ coming in, keep the congregration united and the business of the church going.

I love how someone can pick something out of the bible and use it as a weapon - and ignore all the bibilical verses that you might think of (casting the first stone, judge not lest you be judged, etc).

Where did this come from? there are different types of bullying, not just homophobic bullying. I have been to alot of churches over the years and I do not get this at all. Glad I don't got o the church you are talking about. It is exactly 'those who are without sin cast the first stone.' We are all sinners.

 

[Wifezilla]

Bullying is a sensitive and personal subject for me, and you say it can be stopped. I would really like to know how.

My oldest son was being bullied. He had begun taking martial arts. It helped him with poise and confidence to a certain extent, but when we talked about the bullying, he was afraid he would get in trouble if he touched the other kid. We had to basically "deprogram" him from the schools insane policies. Their policy was basically defending yourself was just as bad as instigating violence. Some kind of zero tolerance nonsense.

We told him to go ahead and defend himself and that WE would take care of the school. He was not obligated to be anyone's doormat. The next time the kid picked on him, our son grabbed his jacket and pulled it up over his head so his arms were stuck and then pushed him down. He didn't hurt him or anything but he got the point that our son wasn't going to take his crap anymore and that he was quick enough to render him defenseless.

I credit the martial arts classes for teaching our son to have the restraint not to pummel that kid for all the previous torments.

Now when I was a kid, I just used to beat the snot out of the bullies. Sure I got suspended a couple of times, but I never instigated it. I just refused to take it or watch the bullies hurt other kids.

As for the teachers...yeah..some would watch kids get picked on and GRIN!!! Sick %@$ks. I hated them. They were evil.

 

[Blackbird]

I'm fine now! Heh. For the most part.

I would encourage you to post your son's story! I think we could probably all help.

Lala's post was also in regards to BibBird's blog post, which was inspired by a lot of recent suicides by LGBT teens.

Lala and I are in the same state, and I've noticed the same thing that she's said. At the churches where I grew up, you could get thrown out just because of your clothing. When I was still Christian and went to church, there was a lady that went out of her way to show that she disapproved of my long hair at every single mass. That sort of stuff is pretty common out in the small towns.

 

[Wifezilla]

Sad but true Blackbird.

 

[bibliophile birds]

MTN, i'll get my head together tomorrow and PM you some details.

physical bullying is certainly a big problem, but it's also the most overt form of bullying. school systems that don't take action against physical bullying are usually on their way to a lawsuit anyway. of course, that's never an excuse not to take measures on your own or your child's behalf.

i worry so much about the more covert forms of bullying, probably because those were the forms i saw more of. our school was good about punishing anyone who physically attacked another student, but that just meant the bullies had to be more creative, and therefore more cruel.

my sister was a freshman when i was a senior. there was a boy who liked her and kept asking her out. she kept telling him no and he eventually started spreading rumors about how she was a slut and he and all his friends had slept with her. she was a virgin, but i would have felt the same even if she was a slut. she didn't tell me because she knew i would do something about it and she was terrified that things would get worse.

when i heard the rumors from other students i marched up to the kid's table at lunch, took his chair out from under him and very loudly but calmly informed him (in front of about 300 people) that if he was so unmanly as to be unable to deal with rejection that i could easily help him remove such sexual distraction.... forever. i then walked him (by the ear) over to the administrators' table and TOLD THEM that he would be in in-school detention for the next 2 days. they had watched the whole scene and i think they were just shocked enough to do whatever i asked of them.

he never bothered my sister again.

MTN, whatever is going on with your son, i don't think i'd hesitate to use similar means if that's what it takes. the physical and mental health of children is more important than staying on anyone's good side.

 

[savingdogs]

We are doing online public homeschooling with my 14-year old, partially because of these types of issues. He was extremely distracted by his classmates and not doing well in the public school format in other ways as well, borders on ADD. So we are finding this new format keeps him away from the bullies and distractions and puts us back in control of his school in a way regular public school never could. He still has his friends but we can select which ones he sees and not deal with every darn kid in a class or school or on the way to school, whenever that stuff happens. But it is also keeping him out of trouble, and his nose to the grindstone.

 

[Javamama]

Savingdogs, I think that's a great decision you made! I wouldn't hesitate to do it myself - I keep it on the table as an option.
I know high school was bad when I was that age - and I only had 76 in my class! But now we are in a district with approx 1000 kids per class and I hear horror stories. And it's mostly about girls.

 

[kcsunshine]

I think the school systems made a big mistake when they consolidated the small town schools and built those huge high schools. The one my daughter attended was "lucky" enough to get all the kids who were from one of the drug treatment facilities in our county. I'm so glad she didn't get bullied in school, but I guess it helped that two of her teachers (one was her guidance counselor) had been my best friends in school. She knew she could go to them for anything and they would help. Most kids aren't that lucky.