Rathbone: Eggs for Hatching, Eggs for Eating, Eggs, Eggs, Eggs

[2dream]

You know, its funny. My only in person friend and I were discussing this 2 days ago. How do you get to be our age and not have more meaningful people in your life? People who know us and whom we trust with our deepest thoughts and would trust them to give us good sound advice. We came to the conclusion that as we age we not only become wiser we become more leary of people. We even discussed how much I love this forum and the people here and how smart you all are. Then we discussed how its much easier to read a post or two and mull it over for a couple of days before you form your feelings on that post than, it is to sit face to face with somone and have a conversation where both sides of the conversation is "words spoken in the moment".

I don't know if any of that makes any sense. For some reason I am having problems string a few sentences together and get my true meaning across.

Leave it to Britesea to find the perfect picture. I too love your description of the women in the water.

 

[Beekissed]

I've found the same phenomenon in my world. I think we just have all realized that we own our truths, time is too short to waste on fools and have gained appreciation for the important things in life....and all that translates into not giving time away to people and things not worthy of it. I don't believe it is arrogance about hard won wisdom, it is merely sifting the wheat from the chaff at a quicker rate than we used to as youngsters with plenty of time.

 

[Marianne]

I finally got to the point where I was A-Ok in my own skin. So I've been in hermit mode for several years, a complete 180 from the social butterfly I used to be. I'm okay with it.

Although I still have people friends, the ones that I have the most in common with are here on the computer. Maybe it's my passion for simple living, SS, etc ...none of my friends here have any interest in that.

Years ago, I had the most freeing experience on New Years Day. I decided to give up friends that weren't really friends. I was surprised at how toxic those relationships were until I freed myself from them.

Let's see, what was it that I just saw recently... Oh ya -

Note to self: It's still illegal to shoot stupid people.

 

[Beekissed]

Years ago, I had the most freeing experience on New Years Day. I decided to give up friends that weren't really friends. I was surprised at how toxic those relationships were until I freed myself from them.

I've done the same thing over the past 6 years and cut the final ties this past year. You are right....it is like cleansing one's soul to cut out the deadwood. You all know of the relationships of which we speak: the friend that never calls you but seems put out when you call because you haven't called in sooooo longgggg; the friends that never visit but insist that you do so because "we never see you"; the friends that only want to communicate on FB when it is convenient for them; the friendships you've nurtured selflessly since high school and one day you realize that it is all one-sided efforts; the friends that never support what you are doing but almost demand that you pay attention to every little change in their life with full attention and applause; the ones that never care if your life is in crisis but are more than willing to burden you with their life's emergencies.

Life gets much simpler when you cut out the old underbrush of your emotional history and let new growth see the sunlight.

 

[rathbone]

It is a proven fact that women and men think differently; it's only natural that we would gravitate toward others of the same sex. Native Americans had men's and women's lodges, Jewish men and women tended to segregate themselves. Even when we have friends over, how many times has it ended up with the men speaking to each other and the women to each other?

But I really love your image of the women helping each other in the water.
http://www.sufficientself.com/forum/uploads/3802_nudelake.jpg

BriteSea - love, Love, LOVE this pic! And yes, there is something to segregation. My husband is Mexican (if anyone didn't already know that). When his family visits, there seems to be an unspoken rule as to grouping. When family first arrives everyone stays together as a group. Kisses and hugs are exchanged. Then after about an hour by some silent signal the sexes seperate. The women gather in the kitchen and house. The men group outside. After a couple of hours, the groups mix back together. When I first was part of it it felt controlling. It took me a while to notice that it wasn't forced, it wasn't constant, but it was a voluntary grouping. I now watch my sons stand next to their Papi and imitate the mens body stance and form of speech. Very interesting this.

 

[rathbone]

To each and every post above this...
Yes,
Yes,
Yes,
Yes.

You have detailed EXACTLY what I am feeling.
I also just recently began to wonder how I got to this age and basically have no friends. And what I realized was that over the past ten years, I have been a lot more selective about friends. I have many aquaintances but really no friends outside my husband and children. And suddenly I realized my life was already full. My husband takes care of my emotional needs. My daughters are really my most excellent friends. My sons are there for me to nurture. I do miss very deeply having someone who is my equal. But I find that here. So again, thank you. You allow me to grow.

 

[Beekissed]

I'm relieved to know there are others that feel that way and are experiencing the same thing....I was starting to think I was some kind of elitist hillbilly snob! Maybe it's just that, when we were younger we didn't have this strong of an individuality. Maybe we still felt an affinity with other women our age simply because we were going through the same experiences at the same time...and then we slowly realized that how we dealt with those experiences were vastly different from our "peer group" and it started to open our eyes.

In the end, we have no equal. No one does. We may have someone who is vaguely similar enough with which to exchange ideas but an equal in any sense of the word? I've not found it, though I've looked far and wide..... then, finally, I realized I wasn't willing to compromise who I was just to blend with someone else and have a supposed "equal". I am what I am and that is just extremely fine with me....lonely, but fine. Frustrating, but still fine. Do I stop looking? No...hope springs eternal!!!

 

[Britesea]

When you REALLY need a friend or mentor, you will find them. I know this to be true.

I tried the social butterfly thing as a young adult, and in an effort to blend in I was drinking and doing drugs. Then one day I was at a party and it was as if the scales dropped from my eyes; I realized there was NO person at that party that I really cared about. I dumped my entire circle of acquaintance, stopped drinking and drugs, and became something of a hermit for years. I do remember going to a councilor once who asked me about my friends. When she asked me why I didn't have any friends I told her it was "too much trouble" She was a bit shocked, and suggested that I might find the company of other women more rewarding than I realized, so gradually I made myself available to meet people again. She was right- I have a small circle of friends and friendly acquaintances, and though I still spend a large portion of my life alone, I really enjoy spending time with them.

 

[rathbone]

In the end, we have no equal. No one does. We may have someone who is vaguely similar enough with which to exchange ideas but an equal in any sense of the word? I've not found it, though I've looked far and wide..... then, finally, I realized I wasn't willing to compromise who I was just to blend with someone else and have a supposed "equal". I am what I am and that is just extremely fine with me....lonely, but fine. Frustrating, but still fine. Do I stop looking? No...hope springs eternal!!!

Not to split hairs but when I say equal - I do not necessarily mean my twin, but rather someone whose belief system I consider valuable, or of merit. Someone...worthy of my friendship.

 

[Beekissed]

I mean the same thing! I've tried on many in the past few years but found them to be seriously wanting in one aspect or another that would cause me to lose respect in their intelligence or their character and then it became very hard to get past polite social chatter with them.