Rebecca's journal-may be time to restart this

[Denim Deb]

Rebecca, the next time he wants money, whether he's overdrafted or whatever, DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM!!!! That might sound harsh, but he had made the decision to be w/this other woman. He makes good money, so what is he doing w/it? Is he spending it all on her? Then if he's broke, he needs to go to HER not you for money. He wants to be with HER not you. He cannot have it both ways.

 

[sunsaver]

I agree with DD. If he won't go to counseling, won't admit that he's just having a mid-life crisis, then all bets are off. He can't have two wives. He needs to choose now. If he chooses the other woman, you need to get a restraining order, and don't let him anywhere near your house. The judge will probably let you keep EVERYTHING. It was he that abandoned you for this other woman. The Law is on YOUR side. Don't give him any more more money or let him take anything from the house.

 

[Britesea]

Rebecca, I went thru a very similar situation to yours before I met my current husband (only mine actually insisted on moving his girlfriend into the house with us!). At the time I didn't realize it, but he had been abusing me in every way but physically for 7-8 years, and it never even occurred to me that I had rights. He talked me into leaving the children with him (something I've regretted ever since) and convinced me it would be better if we did the divorce without any lawyers because otherwise they would get all the money. Please learn from my mistakes and DO NOT give him anything, DO NOT listen to him. Use a lawyer, and get the maximum child support the law will allow; that money is not yours, it is the children's, and you have a moral obligation to get it for them.

 

[dragonlaurel]

It sounds like he had plenty of money before this girlfriend. If he's overspending now, let him try to borrow from her.
You need a legal separation with the child & spousal support money coming straight out of his checks. Then he can't get dumb and spend the bill money and leave your kids in the cold.

 

[savingdogs]

I'm jumping on the don't-give-him-any-money bandwagon. Prayers are free and you can give him plenty of those, but don't COUNT on him for anything or GIVE him anything. I know you are praying for a reconciliation but in the meantime you need to file for a legal separation and get things on paper for yourself as well as your kids. That he even ASKED you for money I find repugnant. You and your children can find a better man than that. How dare he? Stand up for yourself honey, don't let him treat you like that. Praying for him is one thing but you ain't gonna get him back letting him stomp all over you. He was obviously embarrassed to ask his new lady for money and you just saved his butt from that, kept him looking good. Don't do that again.

You need a legal arrangement about how much money he is going to give you exactly when each month for the support of your children and to help you while you establish yourself in a new residence. That was HIS request after all. That his family is supportive of you and not him is really immaterial from a legal standpoint, he might not like it, but it is good for the stability of your children not to lose his FAMILY while he has his girlfriend. We are all trying to tell you that legally you hold all the cards and you are not playing them.

I understand that you do not want to divorce him, but you need a legal separation. You could still be responsible for his debts! You want to pay for his girlfriends night out on the town? Help with her rent? Does he have any credit cards with your name on them? Where is all that money going? Seems like his kids deserve some of it. How can you provide for them if he takes his good salary and can't even budget his way through while you manage.

I know you are praying that he will change his mind, but he doesn't sound like a "keeper" to me. Personally I would pray for a better role model (yourself) to be in charge of your children without the interference of this person. There will be other male role models in their life that will be responsible role models for them for them to compare him to, and behavior to leave all of you for another woman is really way past the time to be hoping for a reconciliation, and way beyond what you should tolerate. Just my opinion, but I'm trying to help you not see you hurt further.

People only give you what you demand of them. You need to have him be a man. If he wants his cake and to eat it too, well, he is gonna be one broke guy. Such is life for someone who leaves their family. Let reality slam him in the face. I'd tell him not to let the screen door hit him personally. He sounds less and less of a good guy the more you say about him. I'm sorry hon, but I don't think God means for you to endure this to show your faith in him. I think He is showing you that you need to move on, this is not the man to raise your children right, as much as you want him to be. You can't be the pillar holding up a marriage and if he has another woman, he has essentially told you the marriage is over already. Men never like clingy anyway, so it won't work sweetheart, you make yourself less attractive that way, not more attractive (it is the perverse male mind to want what they can't have). I wish having faith in him and praying for him would turn every bad man good, but that just isn't how it is or else the world would be a lot better place. Sometimes we have to move on to find the good in our lives, spend it with the good people. Life is short, don't waste it, or worse, teach your children that this behavior is forgivable. You have done nothing wrong, and don't deserve this, and you have given him every chance. I'd think about that long and hard, and while I'm doing it, file those separation papers.

 

[Wifezilla]

I'm with SD on this one. A legal separation will protect you, and if he does manage a proper cranial/rectal extraction and you reconcile, no harm done. If he fights you on this, take it as a sign he was planning on screwing you and the kids over the whole time.

 

[pinkfox]

agree with the others, you need everything in writing and you NEED for your childrens sake NEED to get all this into legal hands. he has an obligation not to you but to those children...if he cant keep his bank from overdrawing now whats going to happen next month, the month after, 4 years from now?
no...
you want everything he told you in the beginning written up and signed
you get everything ect ect..
then you need a legal seperation (divorce pending or not) with how much money he owed to you for the kids (child support and alimony...remember alimony is not money for you, its money to keep you and your kids in a home, make sure to get bills covered as was irigionally stated too...)

wether this is a mislife crisis, him just with his head up his butt of the end of the realtionship it doenst matter, this is going to get worse before it gets better, make it legal prtoect not only yourself but the KIDS!