When I make soup, I soak them overnight with some baking soda. Then, when boiling down a broth, I steam the beans over it. Then add it into the soup and boil for 30 mins or so. Soft beans without mushy or very much splitting.
Well, they did actually cook down enough by 7pm to eat. DH didn't even complain that they weren't soft enough. (He really likes "mushy" food.) So I guess I worried for nothing. I think next time, I will cook them separately for an hour before I add them to the chili.