Sufficient Self Forum - Let's have a heart-to-heart

[Nifty]

Ok, I went through and cleaned up some of the stuff that should have been via PM or shouldn't have even been posted. If you think we censure too much, go through this thread and notice the stuff we DID leave.

I'll open this back up because after re-reading I see that many of our good peeps want to help and are having a very good and helpful discussion.

A quick note that I wanted to put in the first post: No need to discuss the POW situation... it's been beat to death. We learned from it and we'll make sure it doesn't happen again.

Again, thanks to those who have been posting their helpful (even if critical) thoughts vs. just venting that they are mad... which does nothing to help. Those people should send me a PM, then go outside and chop some wood!

So, please post your helpful and friendly questions, ideas, and suggestions on how we can improve.

 

[Nifty]

Oh, and one more item: We're working on adding an ignore feature to the forum. We may even encourage a few of you to ignore eachother!


(but you won't be able to ignore a moderator, so stop wondering)

 

[MsPony]

Yes for ignore feature! Woot!

Sorry, you can take it as rude, but it's a very positive step

 

[dacjohns]

I missed all the drama that precipitated the fallout and the departure of some of our friends. I wish they would come back. I don't know who said what or what was said but I wish you all would get over it and move on.

I'm bummed because my favorite thread on BYC got shut done for what the participants perceive as jealousy. I'm bummed because of fighting on this thread. I'm bummed because some really good participants got their feelings hurt and left. I don't need to follow them to Facebook, I would like to interact with them on Facebook but Facebook takes up too much of my time as it is. It's a lot easier for me to follow things on the forums.

I'm a grouch. I don't need all your help being grouchy so knock it off.

 

[FarmerJamie]

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope (1688-1744)

 

[Denim Deb]

Thanks for all those that posted helpful ideas and suggestions.

I unfortunately also saw a handful of posts that surprised me (and the others that reported them); public personal attacks, posting private information, etc. That's not cool or acceptable.

I'll close this while a few peeps cools down. For those of you that participated in a very helpful and friendly way. Thank You! For those that can't follow the rules, especially as they were so clearly posted in the beginning of this thread: this community may not be a good fit for you.

So, a rhetorical question: if you were a moderator of this forum, would you openly allow people to fight like this, stir drama, etc? If you had guests coming over for a party, would you allow name calling, shouting, etc? Some of you would... but I'm not a fan, and from what I know, most of our members wouldn't enjoy that environment either, which is why we have the rules we have.

OK, I've been at my brothers today, so I apparently missed some stuff that was said. But, in answer to your question.

If I had guests coming over for a party, no, I would NOT want a bunch of drama going on, but if it happened, unless it was disturbing the rest of my guests, or endangering anyone, I would allow it. Even the best of friends can and will clash at times. And, getting it out in the opened is often the best way to clear the air. Shutting them up, or attempting to stop it allows it to fester and to grow. And, what was originally a small problem can become huge and turn into a problem that is not easy to rectify.

As to being a mod, I am a mod on another forum. I was never given any training, in fact, I wasn't even asked! I just woke up one day and found out I had become a mod. And, I try, to the best of my ability to be a good mod.

I cannot say about every post that was edited, or deleted in all this mess, but I do know that some of the ones that were deleted, and people given warnings for were things that I would NEVER have done. Some of it was, IMO, over the top. If I'm alerted to a thread that has a problem, I read the whole thread. I look at what's being said, and consider who's saying it. Some people are more blunt than others, others are more sarcastic. That I can deal with, and have no problem with-as long as they're not attacking another member. If someone else is bothered, in all probability, that person needs to grow a tougher skin, and I will NOT censer someone else for them. Name calling, obscenities, etc are NOT OK, and are dealt with promptly. That's a whole different story, and should NOT be allowed.

As to allowing open discussion, yes I do think it's good and should be encouraged. It allows the board to grow and expand. The board will only survive if people participate in it. And, if they feel as if their opinions and desires are not important, then they will not stay. A board w/no participating members is a very lonely place to be.

 

[justusnak]

If I may, I need to say a few things...and hopefully not get "points" I am usually a very laid back, quiet gal. Hubby and I work hard on our farm, trying to be as self sufficient as possible, then I found this forum. The things I have learned are mind boggling. I have learned to not fear the unknown, but to embrace it and learn how to make it work. I have made friends and met people whom I admire immensely. I have also met a few people I just didn't "jell with" That is life, so I moved on past those people. ( yeah, I am a grown up HA) I really just do NOT like drama. I came here to learn, grow, and if I make a few friends along the way, fine. I have been a member of this site for a few years now, and have yet to "report" someone because they offended me. I ignore them. However.......lately.....the "homey feel" that was once this place....is now like living in a home with divorced parents. I wont go on about the POW deal, like Nifty said, it is done and over and liken to beating a dead horse. However, I must say...being an SS place....it is part of life...like it or not..some of us eat meat, and yes, the animal must lose its life by our hands. THAT is being SS and we should be allowed to be PROUD! For someone to come in and criticize another....well..it makes me wonder if that person is not truly wanting to learn, or be, SS and maybe came here to start trouble.. We have lost a few wonderful people..with knowledge that yes, it may be replaceable...but those personalities will not be replaced. There has been a split in the cloth...can it be mended?? Sure, but the scar will always be there. Unless banned, I will come back, to hopefully learn more skills...or share a few of mine..but I have to say...I will not feel as secure to voice my opinions on issues from here on out.

 

[MsPony]

Nifty,

I am a horse person, chicken people have NOTHING on us because quite frankly, money is behind us (even if your "poor" like I grew up as, horses require money) and money fuels a lot in people. Were also bat guano crazy. I have been on horse forums since I had my first Internet computer - 11. That's ten years of watching horse people discuss horses, dogs, life and everything else. Maybe you have more on me, no idea. The thing that I have watched, learned and my favorite mid ever has grown and learned the past 5 +/- years is this:

Arguments have to come out, heighten and fizzle.

That's why I loathe the "report" button, it has it's good...but at the same time, that + slighty heavy moderating means that the natural cycle isn't allowed to happen. Now there are some that keep going round and round, obv those need to be moderated, but general arguments that are stifled just keep burning then blow up. Think of a fire, this summer I stuck a plate over a citronella candle...but it got so hot it blew up and sprayed all over the place.

Now, there's no good answer for this forum- it's just the way it is. But maybe take that into account a little?

 

[kstaven]

But here is the problem. You speak about heavy handed not knowing how many of a persons posts had to be deleted because of vulgar and hateful content and how many warnings they had already had.

These are the things we see that the members don't.

 

[BarredBuff]

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope (1688-1744)

Couldnt have said it better myself...