Upset and Angry...

[MorelCabin]

Maybe a little outsiders help would be good:>)
My daughter is a tempermental 'me' girl. She's 19 and has my grandaughter who is going to be 1 yr old this month. We take my grandaughter two or three days a week, she LOVES being here, and my daughter loves the freedom of being able to go our and party (still young)
A few weeks ago I reprimanded my daughter about 'boyfriends'... too many too close together, not good for grandaughter. She had one really great bf who was a son of friend of ours and he has stayed close to us, started going to our church. He has this house that i have been helping him fix up to sell and he has been helping us build our shed. She was upset by this and told us that we would no longer see our grandchild if we kept exboyfriend as a friend. Huh??

So this weekend she drops of the grandaughter, and tells us it;s for one night she'll be back early next day ( I was reluctant to take the baby because DH has just come back to town after being away the week and I wanted to spend some time with him...but I took grandaughter anyway. DD doesn't show up for two days...calls today demanding that we drop grandaughter off because she is 'home now' Huh???
I gave dd a peice of my mind about being gone for two days and now she is playing the 'you will not see grandaughter again until you 'respect me'
RESPECT HER??? Everything in her apartment belongs to us...*I* bought her groceries last week for both her and baby because she doesn't budget her money well enough...SHE usues us and everybody else when it suits her and then plays games like this.
What would you do in this situation??? I SO wanna give her some tough love, she deserves it, but there is an innocent baby involved who just jumps for joy when Nana shows up to take her home with me for a couple of days. Any ideas...should I bend to dd's wishes just to keep the peice> I don't even really know what her wishes are except that she doesn't want to be told that she is EVER in the wrong about anything.
Right now I am not allowed to see my grandaughter.

 

[Wifezilla]

In some states grandparents can sue for visitation.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Does Canada give Grandparent's rights?

I hate to say it, but if she's living a lifestyle that's not safe or healthy for your granddaughter, do you think you would consider taking in your granddaughter? even just until your daughter "grows up" a bit?

 

[MorelCabin]

Does Canada give Grandparent's rights?

I hate to say it, but if she's living a lifestyle that's not safe or healthy for your granddaughter, do you think you would consider taking in your granddaughter? even just until your daughter "grows up" a bit?

Oh I have really considered it...but I hate to hurt her that way...and all they do is get preggos again...I'm trying so hard to help her grow up thru this one, but she is throwing it all in my face and my grandaughter is going to suffer. I am getting closer to deciding to do something about it, but I am hoping dd changes her ways

 

[Bettacreek]

I've never been in a situation like that, so I wouldn't know what I would do, but, my idea as of right now would be to take everything back that you bought. Do not buy groceries. Let her know that she's welcome to bring the baby over for dinner (welcome her to eat with you guys of course). This way she cannot just use you guys, in order to take stuff from you, she has to bring baby over and allow you to visit. If she's desperate for food or other necessities that you can provide, then she'll come to you. She won't starve, as there's always the option of coming home to mom. Also check to see about visitation rights, just in case.

 

[MorelCabin]

I've never been in a situation like that, so I wouldn't know what I would do, but, my idea as of right now would be to take everything back that you bought. Do not buy groceries. Let her know that she's welcome to bring the baby over for dinner (welcome her to eat with you guys of course). This way she cannot just use you guys, in order to take stuff from you, she has to bring baby over and allow you to visit. If she's desperate for food or other necessities that you can provide, then she'll come to you. She won't starve, as there's always the option of coming home to mom. Also check to see about visitation rights, just in case.

Now THAT is a good idea:>)

 

[ToLiveToLaugh]

I like betta's recommendation. I'm 21, so I have friends who do the same things to their families... the one thing I can say is, do NOT coddle her. She knows she can use your granddaughter against you. Don't give her that power. What is right in this case I think isn't going to be what is easy.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

sorry MC, what a situation.

my sis is in a similar one and i can tell that your DD will continue to manipulate the situation as long as you let her. do what you can for the baby but let your DD grow up and handle her own business.

you might want to consider taking custody of the baby but once you go down that road you can't turn back.

be available, do what you can for the baby, but dont be manipulated.

sorry
:-(

 

[FarmerDenise]

I wouldn't worry about not being able to see granddaughter. As long as you are the easy and free babysitter, she will bring the baby to you. Give her a week or two, without the convenient childcare and all the other stuff you do, and maybe she'll appreciate you a little more. Or at least won't be so rude about it. At least for a while.
I have a friend in a similar situation. Her DD always takes advantage. My friend finally put her foot down and things are a little better.

 

[Beekissed]

I agree with the advice given here...stand your ground and no more handouts unless you are a part of your granddaughter's life. Some tough reality may show your daughter on which side her bread is buttered.

I'm sorry things have turned out this way...I thought she was doing better there for awhile...

You might find that you wind up with this granddaugther without having to go to court....mom sounds like she is just not ready to be tied down with the baby and may just let you take her on full time to free up her social life.

You could even make her a deal....you continue to subsidize her financial life if she gives you guardianship of her daughter. This way both parties are happy and she still gets to be a part of the baby's life but you get to control where that baby goes and who is in her life. A young girl baby and many boyfriends can lead to some very horrible events.