With the most recent forecasts, this is rapidly turning into a multiple bread loaf situation. During extreme winter weather preparations in the Midwest area, it’s important you stick to the following method:
-Panic
-Encourage others around you to also panic by uploading pics of crowded grocery store lines
-Buy every gallon of milk you can find. Is two gallons enough for 2 days of snow? Doubt it, buy 6.
-Do not make eye contract with anyone in the bread aisle. This is a surefire way to incite unnecessary stampedes.
-Check road reports constantly by asking on community pages how the roads are. It’s snowing but are they snow covered? We don’t know until we ask, again.
-For every .5 inches of precipitation forecasted, you’ll need one loaf of bread and one dozen eggs. For example, 12 inches of snow forecasted X 2 equals 24 dozen eggs and 24 bread loaves.
-Become an immediate social media expert on city snow removal tactics, school superintendent decisions & meteorological forecasts. Who knows better than you? Not a single person who actually does these things for a living.
-Drive your front wheel drive Camry up steep hills during the event and take pictures to tell everyone how they should stay off the roads because it’s dangerous, because of you.
-Wear fun thermal socks and post pics of them in front of your fire with hashtag #SnowDay
Let’s be careful out there.