What ever happened to Community

[DrakeMaiden]

You know....reading this post has reminded me of a situation we had here 2 years after we moved into this closed tight community to which [w]e are NOT a part of. . . .

Oh, yes, how I can relate to that feeling! There is nothing quite like moving into a community to realize that your opinions are of no value, because you are the new people, however your financial contributions are more than welcome and expected (my own personal experience). Please. Give me a break.

When I was young and in school, I learned early that the new people were often quite fascinating (for having different formative experiences than the people who were well established in the community). But I guess different is scary in our culture.

As to your experience with the neighborhood church . . . wow . . . hypocricy in motion.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

I can't stand to go to church because of the people in it.

That is my feeling as well. But in my own case, I think it has more to do with just not enjoying social situations much. I also feel uncomfortable wearing nice clothes.

 

[gettinaclue]

Drake,

I found a church that doesn't care what is driven or what is worn as long as there's no holes and it isn't tight. . They say come in jeans if you want but just come.

I was so happy and ethusiastically (sp?) joined the church. It's the same ol' same ol'.

He said and she said, we don't like what the preacher said.

Blech. No thanks. I thought church was supposed to be the one place where there wasn't any drama.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

Well, sadly, I guess you can't escape human nature, even in church.

 

[sylvie]

I'm very put off by churches, too. I was raised Lutheran and loved our little stone church with the flowering dogwoods, azaleas and maples surrounding it. So did everyone else and the church began adding on, ever expanding and now looks hideous. The membership is huge.
I left and attended Baptist, Methodist and Catholic churches with my friends. I once checked out a Hari Krishna in Toronto. I've gone to Church of Christ outdoor services in a gorgeous ravine. I've been to Unitarian and Episcopalian. I've studied Buddism and the Cabbala.
None of this is what I was looking for. I'm very spiritual but unable to find a match for my beliefs but find that I am comfortable and happy. No building needed.

 

[Beekissed]

justusnak, if our preacher showed up in leathers I would go into an epileptic seizure, for sure! Then I would shake his hand and tell him that it was about time he loosened up and had some fun! Now, the rest of the church might swoon but I would think it was wonderful! Our church definitely suffers from HDD...the whole darn crowd! No laughter, no just outright fun and foolishness, no playing softball or having picnics or cookouts or bonfires....you name it, if its fun, they don't do it!

OH, BTW...HDD = Humor Deficit Disorder

My old church had the most wonderful hayrides each fall that ended in a huge bonfire and hotdogs, had game nights on holidays and everyone gathered for food and board games and simply everyone played! It was fun and down home and I miss that simple joy for life and community.

This church doesn't really have much joy but I've noticed that the preacher has loosened up a little since we came and actually can smile more often. I hope it was because we showed him it is okay to smile. His wife wears a face like thunder every day....the absolute sourest person I've ever met!!! Hard to understand that.....

 

[justusnak]

justusnak, if our preacher showed up in leathers I would go into an epileptic seizure, for sure! Then I would shake his hand and tell him that it was about time he loosened up and had some fun! Now, the rest of the church might swoon but I would think it was wonderful! Our church definitely suffers from HDD...the whole darn crowd! No laughter, no just outright fun and foolishness, no playing softball or having picnics or cookouts or bonfires....you name it, if its fun, they don't do it!

OH, BTW...HDD = Humor Deficit Disorder

My old church had the most wonderful hayrides each fall that ended in a huge bonfire and hotdogs, had game nights on holidays and everyone gathered for food and board games and simply everyone played! It was fun and down home and I miss that simple joy for life and community.

This church doesn't really have much joy but I've noticed that the preacher has loosened up a little since we came and actually can smile more often. I hope it was because we showed him it is okay to smile. His wife wears a face like thunder every day....the absolute sourest person I've ever met!!! Hard to understand that.....

Now THAT made me LMAO!!!! Unfortunately we see way too many faces like that every day. Maybe I am too stubborn, or set in my ways...but I just cant be a part of something I dont feel comfortable in. Bee, I sure wish we could find a church like the one you HAD, picnics...hayrides, baseball..yeah, THATS a great community.

 

[Mackay]

Guess I should start out by saying I don't go to church at this time.

I always thought that people went to church not just to praise the lord but to get advice on how to conduct their lives. Is not the 10 commandments advice on how to conduct your life?

So if a church congregation is not acting friendly perhaps their paster gave them a wake up call to extend their hearts and souls a little and be friendly to the neighbors. Have you not had to scold your children for misbehaving in public or to other relatives.

So if I was sitting on my porch Sunday morning I would wave to my new found friendly church neighbors and be thankful that they are in a learning process and learning to open up.

Now we live in Morman land. They are pretty friendly folks but once they figure you don't want to be a member of their church they don't come around so much. But we persist and keep friendly. It pays off in the long run with good relations and good vibes in the neighborhood.

Also, my husband originates from the Bend Oregon area. Folks up there, before the big population explosion of recent years, all waved to each other and many still do when on the country lanes. When we lived up that way in 92 it was remarkable how everyone waved. Turns out most people know each other or of each other...so being the foreigner that I was I just got into it.

When grandpa died over 300 folks turned out for the funeral. Many my husband had not seen for 30 years and he figured grandpa had not either. But folks remember a good neighbor and in rural parts like to salute neighbors with a wave even though life's journey may not take them to each others homes.

So on our venture to moving to Idaho we are finding the same thing and we honor it and welcome getting to know folks as time goes by and if we don't meet everyone or develop a personal connection is it good to know that intent to greeting and meeting is open even if it never really comes about. Its a country way..... and I remember it from upstate NY also when I was a kid, driving the back roads with my dad.

 

[gettinaclue]

My preacher wears leathers and rides a motorcycle, so does my Sunday school teacher, a couple of the Deacons and a few of the members. They ride with a Christian motorcycle group. I think it's great and I get such a kick out of it!

They have hayrides and all sorts of activities.

Reading what you all have to say is really making me rethink.

Like Drakemaiden said, you can't excape human nature. I guess I can learn to live with it, or at least tolerate it.

I'm thinking I had some unrealistic expectations.

I'm gonna give it another go.

 

[breconbcs]

I pretty much grew up in the "community" we live in now, we moved in my grade 6 yr to a really large town (which is now a city). My dad was a supervisor at the main plant in town so everyone knew us. And back then, even if you didn't work at that plant, you still new everyone or knew someone that knew them. DH grew up in a similar small town. Looking back, I remember my mom asking why it took me so long to get home from school - cause so and so had called to let her know they had seen me and where and what I was doing. Us kids could never do anything without our parents knowing. And at the same time, we had more freedom cause my parents knew the town was watching us. When dh had the chance to transfer up to the area, we jumped at it. We have been disappointed. With people commuting to the city and moving here from the city, they have brought that city mentality with them which is not friendly and the town has lost it's friendly family feel. Basically, the town has lost that community feel. DH has noticed a difference in the people when he's working. He says it's very easy to tell the people who have lived here almost or all their lives and those that grew up in the city and wanted that community feel with all the city benefits which of course aren't always compatible. He finds the city people are very unfriendly, abrupt to almost being rude to being down right rude. He has found that people that have been born, raised and working on their last years here shy away from chatting with him (he likes to talk while fixing their equipment) and when they find out he married a "local", especially for many of the older people they remember me and my family - some remember making those calls! lol - they open up and chat, sometimes I wish they wouldn't cause he's found out about some things we kids did that I never wanted anyone to remember..lol. But on the whole, that safe community feeling is not there. I don't feel comfortable letting my kids walk from school to downtown to the variety store (like I use to do at their age). The parent school board is filled with city people (principal's wording) and no one that is local cause they are clicky and the locals got tired of it. DH was offered a position on the board, he works alot so he couldn't but he recommended me to take his place. They even told him no, she's a local and they never agree with us. Dh told them he didn't agree with them either and he'd fight them every step too cause there had to be a balance. It has gotten worse over the years to the point where school fund raising functions don't raise much money cause most can't afford to participate. People here don't have the money. I buy extra supplies when I can and give them to the office to give to classes that need them, the parent board tried to have that stopped saying we should only give to our own kids or their classes. I went to this school as a kid, I know many of the kids in the school, not just in my kids' classes as we volunteer for any teacher that needs us, whether it is for in class stuff, field trips or even just for tutoring. You can see the city parents (especially the moms) when we are out as their kids come over to say hi to us, some call us hi N's or L's mom cause they can't remember or pronounce our last name but they know us and they know our kids. They go back to their parent's side and the parent starts grilling them, there is no friendliness there, just suspision that we are going to do some evil thing to the child jsut cause we are friendly and active in the school. One mother came over to us once and started freaking about us talking to their child in the store. DH let her have it (he'd had a bad day with something similar at a house where he knew more about what the little girl was doing at school than the mother and she called his boss to complain) and reminded her that he has never seen her at any of the school functions (we attend and participate at all of them to show support for the school) and maybe if she volunteered she'd get to know more of the parents and she could at least thank me for all the extra tutoring I had given to their child on my own time or better yet come and tutor with me. Course by the time he stopped talking there was a crowd as he had raised his voice alittle to loud, she walked off ticked and we have yet to see her at a school function. Dh and I believe like alot of the "locals" that inorder to get our community feel back we have to start with the kids. They are the ones who will eventually stay, leave, or leave and come back to raise their own kids here and we want them to have the same feeling and memories that we do of our town. And maybe, just maybe we can get that feeling back for the next generations.

eta: sorry it got so long.