1/3 Life "Crisis"

[treerooted]

Thanks @Mini Horses , it's true that I still have a few hard feelings towards my sister which is tough because we've always gotten along so well, and there is now this "tarnish" on our relationship. When I go over the situation in my head sometimes I feel pretty frustrated/angry/disappointed. But I know time will ease those feelings, and I know it's up to me to feel better about the situation.

And I did identify the "lost" feeling stemming from the change in plans, but of course the wider issue is my response to such circumstances, which has everything to do with depression and I never know what the catalyst will be. I'm a deep analyzer so I've done exactly what you've suggested....just haven't come up with any conclusions yet! lol

 

[Mini Horses]

You are on the right path!! You have started. You will do fine. Make & change the lists...analyze the heck out of them. Boils down to moving forward on a slightly different path to your destination.

It is OK the be angry, disappointed, lost, hurt, frustrated and everything else. You can deal with it, define it, acknowledge it. Then accept why YOU feel that YOU were unhappy with "the" decision. Forgive and restructure your plans.

Remember that she has her own feelings & reasons toward the situation. It is NOT about WHO but just deal with forgiving each other over unexpected changes in plans. HUG -- clear the air -- do not place blame. Keep your sister in your life because I know you miss her. Fix it.

By the way, your tomato sauce looked great.

 

[treerooted]

Lol thanks Mini...not sure how well it tuned out, but I figure not too much can go wrong with tomato sauce!

And no worries, things between my sister and I are good; to be honest I'm not sure she realizes how disappointed I was/am. She comes over every week for dinner; I don't treat her any differently then before. But how I think of her has changed...and that's just part of growing up. I'm not totally thrilled at the 20-something she's become, but she suffers from depression too (it, er, runs pretty deep in the family) and hasn't learnt how to manage it yet, and doesn't seem to know herself yet either. And of course, there's some personality traits that I'm not very fond of, which I'm hoping will diminish as she ages. There's certain areas where she needs to mature.
I do want to "clear the air" with her actually, but not now. Right now it would only be to make myself feel better, and I'm not going to vent if it's going to do her more harm then good. At the right time we'll go over everything. And it's certainly not that we can't try again with a farming business, but I won't be counting on that moving forward.

I did have a good talk with her back in March when we broke up our plans; I opened up a lot, and I wanted to make sure we could move forward positively as well as set some ground rules about her living here while she looked for a place. But my impression of her attitude and actions afterward was only made worse...as can happen when you live with someone.


Thanks for the hugs

omg sorry that was so long

 

[Chic Rustler]

welcome back. I'm not one for sound advice. But I wish you the best!!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Sounds like you're looking at things very realistically...and that's a great place to start! Families...yikes! It can be hard for sure!

 

[Mini Horses]

Girl, you are both YOUNG -- things will be great. LOL Most of us are 2 or 3 times your age. Keep on gettin' up! Life is good.

 

[treerooted]

Haha, totally! But your options definitely do change as you get older, and certainly choices I make now will effect my future life to varying degrees. And trying to anticipate my ability to handle my different life choices (stay home, work, do what, more kids, etc). So I do want to put more thought into it then rolling the dice. Though I know that works for some people!
I'm also aware of things I should be doing in terms of outlook and action to get over this perceived hump in my life; but following your own advice is sometimes easier said then done