Bee~ Journal of then...

[big brown horse]

I have a suspicion that many people with bad family experiences get into self sufficiency stuff because of it. Growing up in an environment like that made me feel like I couldn't rely on anybody.
Having these skills gives me more confidence that my life wont ever be like that again. I became a capable person. I stopped putting up with people or situations that are destructive, abusive or extremely negative since I have a choice now.

Good point Dragonlaurel.

 

[keljonma]

I know from experience that each child has their own memories, depending on their birth order.

Funny you would say that. I've found that I'm the child that seems to have the most painful memories. I'm the oldest of 3, but became the middle child when my mom married, until she had the two she has now. Then I became the third child.

I think the first born always has memories the other children in a family won't. My dad was the oldest of 17. Then two siblings died young. One died by fire and pneumonia and witnessing it haunted my father most of his life. My mother was the 13th of 14 children, although two had died before she was born, so she did not have the traumatic childhood memories my father had. Both had other times of sorrow, trauma, sadness in their lives, but in the end, I think they each decided whether to keep the bad memories or toss them. My mother did a better job of giving the bad to the Lord to handle.

 

[Beekissed]

I have a suspicion that many people with bad family experiences get into self sufficiency stuff because of it. Growing up in an environment like that made me feel like I couldn't rely on anybody.
Having these skills gives me more confidence that my life wont ever be like that again. I became a capable person. I stopped putting up with people or situations that are destructive, abusive or extremely negative since I have a choice now.

Good point Dragonlaurel.

I agree! I realized, if I'm going to be alone in this world, I better prepare for it. I do believe it HAS reinforced my natural independence and reluctance to depend on anyone during a crisis.

 

[Farmfresh]

I think the constant warring had an effect on me as well. My mom was always telling me I could not do anything right. Then she would tell me, "You will never be able to do ____ (pick your item of interest here)."

By golly I was going to prove the old hag wrong! Now it seems my first reaction to the old "You can't do that" is to work my butt off until I can do, what ever it is, and do it well.

 

[lorihadams]

Our family is filled with drama too.....my aunt and uncle are guilty of identity theft, fraud, tax evasion, theft, embezzlement. All from my father's company that he ran with his brother (my uncle). Fun stuff.

My mom is a control freak, nuff said. Fun childhood memories from that.

My husband's family is just as whacked out. There's always some crazies in every family, just different degrees of crazy.

 

[FarmerDenise]

I have a suspicion that many people with bad family experiences get into self sufficiency stuff because of it. Growing up in an environment like that made me feel like I couldn't rely on anybody.
Having these skills gives me more confidence that my life wont ever be like that again. I became a capable person. I stopped putting up with people or situations that are destructive, abusive or extremely negative since I have a choice now.

Good point Dragonlaurel.

I agree! I realized, if I'm going to be alone in this world, I better prepare for it. I do believe it HAS reinforced my natural independence and reluctance to depend on anyone during a crisis.

I also agree.
This was reinforced after my now ex moved out after 22 years of marriage. People were trying to tell me to sell the house. That as a woman I would not be able to manage hanging onto it and maintaining it. First of all, I was doing most of the maintenance already!!! And then I showed them all, that I could hang onto that house. I cut off my electric, applied for free food wherever I could get it. Grew a lot of my own and made wreaths for sale at christmas time. Then I refinanced the house and got a better loan and also got a better job with much better wages.
My daughter now lives in that house. So there to all who thought I couln't do it.

I learned at a young age not to depend on anyone, I learned to do for myself. I didn't always like to. And I still don't always like to do for myself. But it sure feels good to know, that I am just fine and capable of managing without anyone, if it comes down to it.
I don't need anyone, but it is nice to have people around that you love and who love you back.

By the way I'll have to check that thread at BYC and see how it is going.

 

[Beekissed]

One part of me always wanted to be one of those cherished women whose husbands always did everything for them...you know, all the hard stuff like oil changes, building things, the lugging and carrying of heavy things.

And then, the other part of me always had a reverse snobbery for women who were so weak as to want or need that kind of thing....guess because my Mom was always doing all the man work as well as the woman work and I respected her so much for that.

I think, ideally, it would have been nice to have help when I didn't feel like doing it myself or when I couldn't do it and the freedom to learn and do all that stuff right alongside my partner so that I would know how if he wasn't available.

As it turned out, I didn't ever have a choice, so it was fortunate that my mother never had that luxury either. It all fits into the master plan that we can't see, in the end.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

One part of me always wanted to be one of those cherished women whose husbands always did everything for them...you know, all the hard stuff like oil changes, building things, the lugging and carrying of heavy things.

And then, the other part of me always had a reverse snobbery for women who were so weak as to want or need that kind of thing....guess because my Mom was always doing all the man work as well as the woman work and I respected her so much for that.

I think, ideally, it would have been nice to have help when I didn't feel like doing it myself or when I couldn't do it and the freedom to learn and do all that stuff right alongside my partner so that I would know how if he wasn't available.

As it turned out, I didn't ever have a choice, so it was fortunate that my mother never had that luxury either. It all fits into the master plan that we can't see, in the end.

Know what, Bee? Everytime I read one of your posts talking about husbands, expectations of husbands, etc., I'm always reminded how blessed I am with the husband I have.

All those things you mentioned in your first paragraph, he does those things. What people don't always see, he has me right out there with him, teaching me to do those things for myself. He teaches our daughter, too, as well as our boys.

 

[TanksHill]

hello all, just stopped by Bee's to say hello and see what was happening. Looks like I missed most of a great conversation.

dragonlaurel wrote:
I have a suspicion that many people with bad family experiences get into self sufficiency stuff because of it. Growing up in an environment like that made me feel like I couldn't rely on anybody.
Having these skills gives me more confidence that my life wont ever be like that again. I became a capable person. I stopped putting up with people or situations that are destructive, abusive or extremely negative since I have a choice now.

I am the 12th out of 13 kids. We had many challenges growing up. And yes birth order made a huge difference. My eldest sister tells me stories about when she was a kid. Nothing like my childhood. I had a different set of challenges living in a single parent family. All of which made me who I am today and a much stronger person.

Anyways, I hope all is good here. Have a great day!!

 

[ORChick]

I am beginning to think that I am decidedly strange . My brothers and I get along great; I really like my sisters-in-law. I am developing a very nice relationship with my half-sister - it was distance, and age difference that kept us from knowing each other better, and the internet, and both of us growing older are helping on both counts. I love my DH's siblings, and their partners, and the feeling appears to be mutual. My parents and parents-in-law are no longer here, but mine loved DH, and his loved me.
What's wrong with me? How can I ever learn to be self sufficient if we all get along?
Actually, I am very sorry that so many of you have such outrageous family members; it boggles my mind that anyone, especially family, can do the things you have written that they do.