Daughter dilemma

miss_thenorth

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Ok, now this is a touchy subject around here. For -like- ever my dd has wanted to do something with animals for her career when she grows up. She kinda had her mind set on being an equine vet. then one day, a bunch of us were sitting aorund and she was asked if she wanted to be a stay at home mom like me. She has been a big supporter of all I do around here, and does want to be a SAHM when the time comes. So, then the conversation turned around to why would she go through all the schooling and money of becoming a vet, if she wants to stay home with the kids.

So now she is in turmoil, because she wants to have the best of both worlds. she will obviously work until she has kids, then stay home to raise them. She says ideally, she would like to find something tht she could do while still being home even after the kids are in school. but it has to do with animals. She is already in training to become a barefoot trimmer for horses, and she would like to do something holistic like that regarding animals. Ideas were thrown around like equine massage, to go along with the barefoot trimming. What else could she do, on her own, and with horses, that could be tailored around being home with the kids.

Of course this is all hypothetical, since she is only 13, but still, -- she is focused like that.

Hubby and I have said, that if she wants to become a vet we will support her 100% (financially too), but it is a choice that is totally up to her.

but just to get ideas on what she could do without the $100, 000 university bill, what could a girl wh wants to spend her life working with horses do, and where could we find more info on it to see if it would be a good fit.

And please don't think that we are discouraging her from going to university. We are not. She wants to be a sahm, and still make money working with horses, so that she still has independence.

Any ideas?
 

ksalvagno

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My alpaca vet is a "stay at home mom" of sorts. She broke off from the vet she worked for and now works out of her truck. She is only willing to travel a certain mileage from home. She brings the kids with her if necessary. She does have a woman from her church that does babysit a couple days a week. Her children learned to sit in their car seat or stay in the truck while she does her job. Sometimes she just schedules evening appointments when her husband is home. She does appointments between school bus pick up/ drop off too. So in large animal vetting, it is possible to do it if you keep it a small practice. My vet still manages to come out for emergencies and everything.
 

gettinaclue

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I have had this same conversation with my daughter who just turned 13 and also wants to be a SAHM. I'm pushing the higher education and I think she is seeing the light.

The simple fact of life is, even if you are happily married SAHM, and your wonderful hubby brings home more than enough money to support you...what happens if he dies?

How will she support her children? It's hard to get a job that pays the bills WITH a college degree - you can pretty much forget it without one.

What happens if they break up?

What happens if he dies in a car accident?

Life is an endless tangle of variables. Being prepared is a wonderful thing.

And if she wants to be a VET, my mom has a vet come to her house! She doesn't have an office. She picks her customers. She is also a SAHM.

If she decides she wants to keep animals, her vet experience will be invaluable.

Not to mention, I see it all the time - people who have been married 20 or 30 years getting a divorce. Where does that leave her? How will she live? She has no work experience.
 

Wifezilla

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Kids don't stay at home forever and there IS life after 50 ya know! :gig

Get the education FIRST. Know you have a marketable skill FIRST. THEN pop out some babies and stay home with them. There may still be times when you can make some money on the side or if finances get tight, a part time job in the field may be needed.
 

moolie

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As a former teacher, and current stay at home mom with my own home business, I firmly believe that your daughter shouldn't allow anyone to dissuade her from getting an education. And frankly I'd be really pissed off at any "friends" of mine who said something like that to my own kid, but I'm reading this from a distance and don't know how the entire conversation went.

I'm a huge proponent of life-long learning, and believe that any course of study that a person wants to pursue is totally worthwhile, regardless if it applies to a future career or not. I took a 5-year Bachelor of Education (Elementary) degree, but didn't teach long before I had my kids. I don't regret the time or money spent, as everything I learned has been pretty darn transferable to the rest of my life after graduation.

At age 13 your daughter has TONS of time to decide what she'd like to do as a career, in addition to her plans to stay at home with her future kids. My own daughters are 15 (on Tuesday) and 13 and have lots of ideas about what they could do, but their thoughts on what they WILL actually do change frequently. One wants to be a farmer, and author, and be the first woman to set foot on Mars. She used to want to be a vet but found that she can't stand watching simple first aid treatments. The other wants to be an artist/musician and perhaps a teacher or do some other job with kids, or maybe even work with elderly people. She used to want to be a vet or an astronaut.

Should your daughter want to pursue a veterinary education, spend time working as a vet prior to having kids, and then perhaps get back into it (or not) after a certain point in her kids' lives--that's a very logical option if that is what she wants.

When it comes to horses, I'm no expert on careers so I have no other advice to offer there--I just wanted to put in my plug for education for the joy of learning, in addition to its practical applications. :)
 

miss_thenorth

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yeah, there was more to the convo than that, but those are the cliff notes. So her mind got working. She is basically looking for options that she might pursue in the holistic animal healthcare field as opposed to becoming a vet. (and not a vet tech). She has also had a bad picture (of some vets) being painted in her mind (from dealings that we have had from vets, not our horse vets, but small aimal vets)She would like to pursue a more holistic approach.
We have been telling her (but then again we don't really know whats out there other than veterinary) as far as horses are concerned, that if she got a good foot hold in with the veterinary, she could branch out into holistic care. but is there anything out there that she could do to bypass the university and vet college? sorta like the difference between MD and ND?

her frugal mind (she got tha from me) says there must be something out there in the holistic field that she could do, that would not be $100,000 for 7 years of university and college, that she could do while still being a sahm and till make a decent wage at.

Are there such things as holistic animal health practitioners? I understand about.

gettinaclue, I hear ya. I guess I am just a bad example. My college is useless after being out of the workforce for 15 years. If anything happened and i needed to get a job, I would have to settle for a min wage job.

I am encouraging her to get a post secondary education, and will 100% support her if she goes the vet route, (or whatever route she chooses, unless it is no education) but I guess i 'm fishing for ideas that she could do that would not require the 7 years of ed. then I can tell her, and she can toss them all around for the next 5 years before she makes her ultimate decision. i want her to get a good eduction, have a good job, and be able to support herself if necessary, but I also want to see her be a sahm. What I don't want is to see her beat herself up deciding what she is going to do for her future. there are no guidance counsellors for grade 7 kids. but she is one that needs a plan.
 

BeccaOH

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My dream was always to be a SAHM, probably home schooling. I also thought teaching would be cool. That is what my mom did before kids. So I went to college -- fully expecting to meet my future husband there.

At at 40 -- I'm still looking for a husband. :barnie :lol: Anyway, sometimes our idea of how life will go just doesn't happen. I am glad I did get 4 years of college. The basic training led me into the professional career I have now. Most of what I needed for this job came from on the job experience, but the 4 years of college helped me transition from high school, learn some independence, and put something on a resume to get the job.

My mom was also one of those who was glad she got a college degree in the 50s when it was still a new thing for the women of her family. She lost her first husband (who she met at college) at the young age of 25 and had to lean on teaching to support herself and her son. Teaching also helped her later to earn some extra as a substitute. She now gets some teachers' retirement even though she didn't put in a full 30 years of teaching.

I do personally value apprenticeship over most average college experiences, but so much of life is programed to believe that a college diploma equals a person ready to do a highly skilled job. :/ It would be great if your daughter could get some hands on experiences with vets through her high school years. Maybe she can find a way to accelerate through college based on her experiences so it won't take as many years as usual. ???
 

ksalvagno

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I don't know how it is in Canada but you can't practice any type of veterinary care without a veterinary license. I recently heard about someone who was given a cease and desist letter from the government because she was disbudding goat kids for other people. I can't believe that that is even considered veterinary but I guess whatever.
 

Icu4dzs

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FWIW coming from a guy, (albeit one with too much education) I would STRONGLY ENCOURAGE HER to be a vet. More than any other profession of care, Vets more often than not have their clinics where they live. I'd be jealous of that opportunity myself. (Doc's used to do this but then the insurance company's and lawyers messed that up for us..)

As for the time expenditure in college, etc. there is little that one can do to avoid it. It is a necessary part of becoming a professional. She will make it if she stays focused. Don't encourage her to "cut corners" ANYWHERE!!! Play by the rules. Getting into vet school is HARDER than getting into MED school. (I know). It is much more competetive and difficult so if she gets good grades in HS and college, she will at least have a good fighting chance at a seat in the vet school class.

Our town vet lives where his clinic is and while he does travel a lot in the local area to manage cattle, he does take care of small animals and anything else that comes in. He is a busy guy...often gets a partner who only stays for a very brief time...cause he is "TOO independent".

To be a vet and a SAHM is probably one of the more possible scenarios out there. I don't know much about holistic approach to veterinary medicine but vets don't take insurance. They get paid in cash. There is a LOT to be said for that. Yes, there are deadbeats in the farm/animal world but for the majority of animal owners be they large or small animals, they will pay their bills and that is good business for the vet.

She will have to buy a nice piece of land OR buy an existing practice from a retiring vet (always a good idea if the retiring vet is well liked). Her best option is to start working for the other vet AFTER a contract is signed obligating the sale. (Yes, people do act kinda strange on their way out the "professional door". It certainly happend to me)

While she will have to devote a tremendous amount of her time to her work, any child she brings into this world will have many advantages not the least of which will be a good life with animals, adequate finances for education and a delightful place to live and grow up.

My advice is GO FOR IT!!!! Help this child fulfill her dream and she will do fine. Her personality was determined by you from age 0-2 so if you did a good job (and we assume that you did) then she will reward you with a wonderful husband, lots of grandchildren and a good life for them. You are lucky to have a child so well focused.

Do all you can for her and guide her with faith and love. Your efforts will be rewarded many times over.

//BT//
Trim sends
P.S. Tell BeccaOH to post a photo...LOL
 

Henrietta23

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I'd say go for the education too. There are too many what-ifs. I didn't become a mom until I was 38, not something I planned on. It wasn't easy and there were a number of years when I didn't think I'd be one at all! I also know woman who planned on being SAHMs but then didn't like it all. For now, I wouldn't want to see her sweat it and get anxious about it. She's got time and she can focus on just doing her best in school so that she's got options.
The other thing I'd add is that for many years I was not working in a field directly related to my college degree and I never regretted it. I learned much more that the classroom material. Granted I was paying for a veterinary degree!!
 

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