Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[frustratedearthmother]

Caregiver for 3 people and what.... 100 animals?

OH yeah...animals too, lol. Kinda left them out of the equation!

I did get the quail/chicken brooder cleaned up this morning before the oldsters were awake. Totally out of game bird feed so took some lay pellets and wet them down a little so they would dissolve some so the little critters would have something to munch on until I can get their feed. (wow, massive run on sentence)

Drizzly and chilly and yucky today so no great loss that I'm not outside. Think I'll try to bake something fattening. I started some ooey gooey bars yesterday but didn't get very far. Refrigerated the crust so I could finish today. Yum....shouldn't do it, but gonna do it anyway.

If I can manage it I'd love to can some white beans with some bits of ham. That sounds so good to me right now... comfort food I guess.

 

[baymule]

I don't know how to delicately put this..... I had a conversation with a Doctor and the Director of the nursing home where my DH's mother was. The Doctor recommended no "life saving measures" for my MIL. He advised to keep her comfortable, but not rush her to the hospital the next sickness she got. She was in Alabama, we were in Texas, DH could not have had that conversation, so it fell to me. I made the decision to withhold treatment. The next time she got sick, it quickly went to pneumonia and she passed quietly. She had suffered enough. I could not, in good conscience, keep "saving her life". Saving her life for what? Prolonging the inevitable, prolonging the misery? It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but it was the best thing I could have done for her.

I know you cherish and love your parents. I am not advocating that you mistreat them in any way. You are a good and loving daughter. Once they go into a nursing home, some homes keep them alive as long as possible for the money. I was glad the Director initiated the 3 way conversation with the Doctor. I bawled all the way through that phone call. There is a fine line between loving treatment and cruelty in keeping a person alive and not letting them go. I pray that you don't have to make that decision. Big hugs.

 

[NH Homesteader]

My primary care doctor is a geriatric specialist, of course he sees everyone but that's his focus area. I so wish everyone with elderly parents could see him. The man is brilliant and realistic, and I hope you find care even close to that. He is a firm believer in not prolonging pain.

He also would be telling you that you need a break!

 

[Wannabefree]

Amen. That's sound advice. I went through this with my boyfriends mom last year also, either way is very hard to lose someone, but prolonging is more difficult.

 

[sumi]

FEM,

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I do appreciate ya'lls advice - it's all good. I agree with it all and in fact the legal business has already been taken care of for months now. I'm not just the Statutory POA holder, but I hold Medical power too. We have DNR's for not only the hospital, but for home too. Mom lost 7 lbs in about a month. I told the Nurse Practitioner that we won't be doing such things as feeding tubes or other extraordinary measures. Keep 'em comfortable is the main thing. She is totally in agreement. But, I still don't believe we are that close. Mom's physical health is still good - but with her rapid progression it could change at any time. Like Bay mentioned - it is usually pneumonia that get's em. Mom has said 3 times in 3 months that she wants to die... I can only hope that when it's time it is an easy road for her.

Yesterday was such a peaceful day for her after the horror of Thursday. She was serene and quiet all day and only got a little disturbed before bed when she fiddled with her zipper for a full 1.5 hours without saying a word to anyone...totally focused on working that zipper up and down. I'm ok with that. She got up once to go potty and another time I found her rummaging in the fridge. I re-directed her to the yogurt I had left out for her. She ate that and went back to bed on her own. I hope today is just as nice.

We have YUCKY weather on the way. I need, need, need to get out and re-create a new feeding area for the goats. I have feeders that hang on the fence and they have to put their heads through the stock panel to eat. Makes feeding time less crazy for me because I don't get stampeded. With our wet weather the whole area has become just nasty. Goats don't like to get their feet wet and neither do I. I need to figure out somewhere else to feed them that's not too much more trouble. It's just gonna take moving some panels and planting some fence posts. My shoulder is not doing the happy dance in anticipation...ugh.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

p.s. I got up from the dinner table last night and announced I was going to bed. I slept from 7p to 11 p with zero interruptions...it was heaven! I am a whole new person today!

 

[NH Homesteader]

Woo hoo for sleep! Glad your mom had a better day too!

Goats seriously don't like wet feet! Hope your shoulder cooperates for that adventure. And that your mom has another good day so you can get some chores done!

How are the baby piggies?

 

[sumi]

So glad you had a good night's rest! It sounds incredibly difficult, this situation with your mom I'm glad she had a good day and hope today will be good for her too. How is your dad doing?

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Baby piggies are doing well. We had some initial losses, but after those first few days things were ok. I did notice a couple days ago that one of them was really having trouble getting around. It was favoring a back leg - but this morning I couldn't even tell which one it was so I guess it healed, lol. Poor things aren't getting much attention from me so it's a good thing that their mama's are taking care of 'em.

It sounds incredibly difficult, this situation with your mom

It's stressful, and it is weird, but it has become our new normal. We have good days and bad ones and it's no doubt harder on her than it is on me...

I've been outside for awhile this morning making a plan, but if DH doesn't get up soon I won't have time to implement the plan - grrrr. He stayed up while I slept last night and didn't come to bed until after midnight so I know he's tired. Hopefully, he'll be up soon.