Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[NH Homesteader]

Did she ever show up? I bet it'll be lovely that someone will take over some personal care for your mom. Sounds like a huge help!

 

[baymule]

My Mom got up several times a night to go pee for YEARS. Years. I spent quite a few nights in ER with her, because of her falling. She'd make it to the phone, call neighbors who had a house key and they'd go get her back in bed. But when she did things like bust her head open, break an arm, I was called. All because of her having to get up multiple times a night to go pee.

This continued when she lived with us and at the assisted living place. She finally got so bad that the assisted living facility could no longer keep her, she had a bad episode and was taken to the hospital. When she was released, I took her to a nursing home. I went every day, sometimes twice. About the 2nd or 3rd day, I asked the head nurse how she was sleeping. Like a baby was the reply-she slept ALL night. I was stunned. How could that be? They gave her a medication that kept her from having to pee all the time, and she slept all night.

Bone headed woman would never tell her doctor about it. He could have prescribed her the same medication and she could have been getting a full night's sleep for all those years.

I believe the name was Myrbetriq.

If Hospice gives your Mom medication to help her sleep, check on the Myrbetriq. If she doesn't have to get up to pee all night, maybe she can get some sleep.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

She did, finally. I told her that I will never complain if she's late or has to reschedule IF I am forewarned. She was very apologetic and I understand the life of a nurse - it can be crazy. We actually bonded a little, lol.

The nurse will be coming once a week to start - but an aide will come 3 times a week for bathing and personal care. I am so thankful for that. Getting mom bathed was a huge challenge, not only physically, but emotionally as well.

Because DH isn't allowed to go to work until next week I did get outside for a little while. Something is eating my garden GRRRRR! I've never had little crittters eat my garden before. I have a raised bed that is fine - it has some panels around it that has 2 x 4 inch openings and nothing is getting in there. My plants that are in tubs are also fine...so it's a ground dweller, lol! That helps me a lot - not.

 

[Britesea]

I found out that something else can cause you to pee several times a night... That was me for years, and we finally discovered that it was because I have moderate sleep apnea. Apparently, the episodes would wake me up enough for my bladder to say "well, since you're awake anyway..."
Of course, it doesn't sound like using a CPAP and a mask would work for your mom-- she would just yank it off. But if anyone else reading this has a similar problem, I would recommend checking into a sleep study.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks @Britesea! You're so right about that - and mom does snore and snort. She has a mild case of central apnea. Thankfully, her episodes don't last more than a few seconds. I once thought I wanted a career as a polysomnographer. I went through the entire program and LOVED it all - except for staying up all night, lol. I started clinicals and decided it just wasn't for me. I coulda/shoulda stuck it out through clinicals and then would have been able to work days by scoring the studies. But... Anyway, I've observed her several times and while yes, she would benefit from CPAP therapy - there's no way she would adapt to that. She has major claustrophobia and would never accept the mask.

Thanks @baymule! I'm going to look into that. I'll ask the Hospice nurse about it too. But, a lot of mom's problems sleeping stem straight from dad. He tosses and turns and gets up at night to pee too. He uses the bedside commode, but he's not quiet about anything. And, half the time he'll call out to her which wakes her up. I promised my dad I wouldn't separate them, but I could get them into assisted living more quickly if we could get them in separate rooms. The director mentioned that if two separate rooms came open right across the hall from each other that might be a solution. I'm for anything at this point.

I have really struggled with the idea of assisted living vs. keeping them here. Lack of leep isn't the only reason I think a move would be best for them. Being their personal caretaker changes our relationship. I want to be their child again. I want our interactions to be pleasant for all of us instead of the frustration that comes from the 24/7 caretaker/dependent relationship we have now. Is that selfish? I dunno...

 

[sumi]

No, not selfish at all! I understand where you're coming from. All your life, especially when you were young, you were their child, looked up to them, got taken care of by them. They were the stronger people you looked up to and respected as such. Now they are weaker and you have to be the stronger one and you've become the parent almost. I get you. Your time with them is limited, they are both getting old and their health is not great any more and you all should have pleasant times now as much as you can… If you can find a way to distance yourself from the caregiver role and just be with them, be their daughter and spend parent and daughter time with them like you used to, it would be wonderful for you all.

Hopefully things will work out for them assisted living wise and they can stay together. That would be ideal right now, but if it doesn't work out that way… Well, we can only hope for the best at this point. Big hugs for you all.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

If you can find a way to distance yourself from the caregiver role and just be with them, be their daughter and spend parent and daughter time with them like you used to, it would be wonderful for you all.

It may be an unrealistic wish - but it's my wish just the same. They sometimes look at me with so much anger in their eyes because I have to tell them things they don't want to hear, make them do things (like wash their hands) that they don't want to do. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want them to be happy to see me, lol!

 

[NH Homesteader]

No not selfish. I can't imagine. I hope you find a spot soon. Separate rooms as a temporary solution isn't so bad. They'd still be in the same place at least. It would be nice to spend some time not being the bad guy!!

 

[Britesea]

@frustratedearthmother I can't help thinking of the many times you probably looked at your parents in anger, because they said you had to do your homework first before you could play, or whatever... it does indeed go around

 

[frustratedearthmother]

It does indeed go around - but I want their last bit of life to be spent enjoying my company - not despising me...