Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[frustratedearthmother]

I love Cowboy!

Me too!

I fed the critters earlier this afternoon than I usually do so I only went back out this evening to give a quick "look-see" before it got totally dark. Saw Cowboy standing behind a goat - fending off the pigs from the area. Didn't seem right so I went on into the pasture to see what was going on. Stupid little Nigi doe that still crawls through the panel holes was stuck....musta been stuck for awhile. She had gotten through past her ribs and then her big belly wouldn't go through. No going forward - no going backward. Pigs were too interested for comfort. I might not have minded too much cuz this goat is a pain in my butt - free pig food, right, lol. Okay - my sense of humor is a bit warped these days.

Anyway....he stood guard while I went and got bolt cutters and had to cut the _itch outta the fence. Yay...

Not a great couple days with the oldsters. Dad fell from trying to walk without pulling his pants up after pottying. Mom has been paranoid delusional for a couple days now. (She has had a psych diagnosis for years now) Thought we were trying to separate her and dad when they go to the assisted living. Kept saying we wanted her to go and not him. Today she thought we were trying to poison her with the water that wasn't really water. She didn't want to take her meds so she tossed her tomato juice on to the floor. I asked her if she spilled it or if she did it deliberately and she laughed and said "I sure didn't spill it." Then she cheeked her medication and went to the bathroom and spit them out. She's getting scary.... I told her if I caught her doing it again I'd call an ambulance and have her admitted to a psych hospital. She's been once and doesn't want to go again. Thinking back I think she's been doing it for a few days because she's under control when she gets her meds.

Talked to the Assisted Living facility yesterday... I asked if we're talking weeks or months because I can't do months. Was told it's probably a couple weeks. Looks like no sleep for me for the next few weeks. Tonight I start sleeping downstairs on the couch....with one eye open I guess. I've gotta admit that I'm a little afraid of what she's capable of. She keeps rummaging through the silverware drawer when she thinks we're not looking. I keep telling her to stay out of the kitchen. Not working so far...

 

[baymule]

I pray that the wait isn't much longer. You need help now. Waiting on that phone call.....

 

[NH Homesteader]

To be honest with you, I would put her in the hospital while you wait. I know you do not want to do that, but that is scary. I really hope it's soon....

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Now that she's on Hospice I could do a three day respite. Only thing stopping me right now is the Holiday - and dad would freak without her. Hopefully getting her meds back into her will straighten things out. However, I expect dad to be hospice eligible soon and if so, we will definitely try to take advantage of the respite care.

 

[NH Homesteader]

Yeah after Christmas, I would do that. Scary. And stressful. So sorry this is just getting harder for you.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks.... it's gonna get better, eventually.

 

[sumi]

This is worrying and I really hope you can get her and your dad in a better place soon I sometimes wish I lived closer, so I can go over and look after them for a bit for you, so you can get some sleep.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks, Sumi!

Strangely enough, neither one of them came out of their room all night! That has never happened in the nearly 4 months that they've been here. I did get more sleep than I've had in while. But, I kept waking up and wondering why the door chime hadn't sounded off. I got up to check and see if I'd accidentally locked their door before going to bed. I was even afraid to open the door and check on them this morning.... But, I did peek in on them a few minutes ago and all seems well.

 

[sumi]

So glad you had a quiet night! I hope they can continue doing this now so you can rest more.

 

[Mini Horses]

Glad you got some rest.

Odd about their not getting up after doing so for so long. Did mom know you were down there? Maybe she felt more secure if you were? Who knows??!! They don't...