Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[Mini Horses]

They will put extra watch & checks on them! They will write again & again...to dad...that they are close but not in same room. It's very hard for you but, it will be OK.

My mom had to have an ankle bracelet at one place, it locked doors as she approached, wanting to get out the door and leave. It passed after a while. They constantly monitored the "escapees" and "wanderers". I could NOT do their job but, that's why they are there -- trained and in shifts.

Do you remember when your kids were young, you were trying to make lunch, they were fighting and yelling, you were in tune with it all and SOMEHOW knew who needed time out & when to intervene and just WHAT TO DO -- do you remember that? These nurses & aides know which resident needs what and when....have faith.

 

[sumi]

I'm sure you have a lot of mixed feelings and emotions going on right now, quite understandably so. They were a huge part of your life for the last few months, coupled with feelings of love, guilt, worry and everything else that comes along at times like this. You have done a lot for them and you made sure that they are in good hands now. The time came that you had to hand the responsibility over to people who has the facilities and training to help people like them and that was the best thing you could do right now.

Take a few days for you, hug your wonderful DH, your animals, go stand outside, close your eyes and just breathe. Have a bottle of wine in the hot tub. Sleep as much as you can and look after YOU now. You are and have been amazing through all this

 

[frustratedearthmother]

And I just thought I could relax when we go them placed. Dad fell last night and mom fell this morning. This is a really good place, but even though I tried to tell them they need constant attention, I guess they thought I was being over-protective. Now they know better.

I was basically freaking out when they told me about mom's fall because they said she lost several teeth? WHAT???? Turns out, after they sent me pics, I could tell that it was a (semi) permanent bridge that has been knocked out. Not real teeth... Doesn't make me a whole lot happier, but at least I know she's not dealing with the pain of broken teeth. Gee whiz!

I talked with the owner this morning and she was so apologetic. She said to me...you weren't exaggerating when you said you watch her constantly. I'm like 'no, I meant it when I said that if mom's awake we've got eyes on her.' She's like "no wonder you're exhausted".....ya think?!

Dad called out all night for mom...kept the other residents awake. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but the guilt feelings I had before are magnified by about a gazillion knowing that they aren't settling in. Well, actually it's just dad that's not settling in - mom has no idea what's going on anyway.
I knew there would be trade-offs. I knew they couldn't watch them 24/7, but I didn't foresee it being this bad.

Home Health is sending some meds out to try and calm dad and help him sleep.

I'm going outside to squeeze a goat...

 

[sumi]

It's very, very early days. All this is still new for them and for the care home getting to know them and their needs. They will settle down soon Go hug your goats and those lovely dogs of your too…

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I think I made the biggest mistake of their lives...

 

[sumi]

I think I made the biggest mistake of their lives...

Don't say or think that You could not continue looking after them properly. Not while trying to take care of yourself and hold down a job as well, never mind take care of your house, your animals, etc. They will settle down and get used to the new arrangement. Give them a few days.

 

[NH Homesteader]

They will settle in! Don't feel badly, they were bound to have a rough transition regardless of where they were going. Your dad will get used to it and now they know how closely to watch your mom. You wouldn't have been able to keep them safe without staying home with them and never sleeping as they progressed.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I know in my head that this needed to be done. But, they've been through so much...to have them both fall within hours of being there has shaken my confidence in this decision, for sure.

My father looked at me like I was totally betraying him when he found out he couldn't sleep in the room with mom even though we had discussed it. To know that he called for her all night...just heartbreaking. But, the worst was the picture they sent me of mom after her fall. I can see the fear and confusion in her eyes, but the part that is killing me is that I can see her struggle to maintain that quiet dignity that she's always been famous for. Even in this state of non-reality that she lives in - I can see her struggle.

We called the Home Health folks and asked them to prescribe an anti-anxiety medication for dad that will help him sleep. DH went to pick it up and deliver it to the facility. I couldn't go today - I just can't. I would want to gather them up and bring them home.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Ok - better now. DH went and took some new meds for dad. He talked to the owner and told her I was quite distressed about all of this. Not so much angry - but more sad.

However - Hospice is awesome! They are sending out rails for her bed and an aide to sit with her! Yahoo for that!

Actually went outside and had a little critter time too. I've got so much to catch up on....geeze. I need to concentrate on working on the fence so I can get cowboy back out in the pastures.

Thanks ya'll for the concern. I know things will get better.

 

[NH Homesteader]

Just...