How Did You Get to Today?

[lonelilly]

I would love to be able to sit down and chat with each of you and learn about how you came to be where you're at today. Unfortunately, I think this is as about as close as I can get.

I ask this because I'm in my mid-20s, run a small web design company w/my DH, and live in Portland, OR. We just started the co. so we're pretty broke and stuck here for now. We've been slowly trying to prioritize and set goals for ourselves in terms of where we want to live, how we want to make money, and what we want for our quality of life. We enjoy working for ourselves, and we like the mobility of what we currently do. We don't enjoy schmoozing--we're pretty introverted people and value meaningful relationships that have substance. We feel most comfortable outdoors, whether hiking in the woods searching for chanterelles, digging clams on the beach, trail running, or canoeing. Currently, we spend our free time scavenging wild edibles, fishing, camping, and making wine. We catch on to things fast and are self-taught in many ways.

We are not set on living in Portland--we would love to buy land someplace in the Pac NW in the next 5 years. We feel pretty confident that we could be self sufficient. I would love to raise & sell angora rabbits, sell goat's milk products, have chickens, hunt, have a lavender farm, a B&B... the list goes on and on.

So, (how) have you turned your dreams into reality?

If you live in the country, are you self-employed or do you commute?

Does your day job speak to who you are outside of work hours?

Give me words, your advice, your stories... I feel so claustrophobic in this city sometimes, I just need to know that there are people out there who have succeeded in living differently.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

So, (how) have you turned your dreams into reality?

Sweetie, we're not anywhere at where our dream originated as. I wouldn't say DH and I have a dream, but more of goals now, a re-purpose to what we want for our life.

Started out in our 20's with a brand new home, brand new cars (read plural into that, and don't stop with 2), 10 acres, good paying jobs, money in our pockets, oh and yes, running water

We worked hard and were determined to have the "best of everything" by the time I was 30. Our ideas then of the "best of everything" were the newest gadgets, fancy cars, name brand clothes, etc. etc. etc.

Co-signing for the ONE wrong person can cost you everything

Spent the first half of my marraige angry and bitter...have spent the last 4 years building my farm from the ground up with NO money, no outside jobs, and very little to no income...barter barter barter is one of our mottos...

So I guess I can say, yes, we are living our dream! Don't have everything exactly how we would like it to be, but we own it, love it, and are happy on it!

If you live in the country, are you self-employed or do you commute?

We consider ourselves self employed because our entire day is mostly (well, I've been online a lot today!) consumed with feeding/watering, working in the garden, repairing a pen or two, cleaning something....chasing the kids...trying to find something relative to learning since we homeschool...etc....going to the spring to haul our water in...etc.

Does your day job speak to who you are outside of work hours?

I'm living my day job

 

[me&thegals]

Welcome, Lonelilly! You sound like someone I would have great fun being friends with!

So, (how) have you turned your dreams into reality?

By keeping the dream in view and putting time, energy, learning and money towards it rather than being distracted by other things.

If you live in the country, are you self-employed or do you commute?

We live in the country. My husband farms the family farm. I do transcription from home part time, run my own organic CSA during the spring-fall.

Does your day job speak to who you are outside of work hours?

Transcription does not, but it gives us health insurance and is very convenient for our way of life. My CSA definitely incorporates a lot of things that really matter to me.

Give me words, your advice, your stories... I feel so claustrophobic in this city sometimes, I just need to know that there are people out there who have succeeded in living differently.

There are. I bet even in the city. Personally, I think living life on your own terms gives such a sense of peace and contentment. Sometimes it's more difficult to fight the current, but it's so much more rewarding. I've had to come to terms with the fact that some people think I'm weird for doing things my way, but either they're not people I really need to be friends with or I have to learn how to live my own way and not make them feel badly for living their own way. I've had to learn how to try to be more quiet about how we do things unless people actually want to know about it. I've also learned that there are a LOT of folks out there already doing this stuff (and doing it quietly, too) and have made many new friendships or strengthened old ones through shared interests.

I actually think this day and age are on the cusp of being more like this. I think the economy and environment will push a lot of folks to be more self sufficient again, less consumerist, more in touch with their earth. I'm hoping we may be heading a bit out of the age of insane consumerism.

Anway, good luck!

ETA: As I reread this, it occurs to me that the whole business about living "quietly" might come across as trying to be secretive. Not at all. I just think that most people do not appreciate it when someone who has much different ideas than their own is "in their face" about it.

 

[hennypenny9]

So, (how) have you turned your dreams into reality?

Haven't yet! I want to move onto property and grow a garden, and have chickens. The SS people have made me tentatively want a goat, too. I want a house that can be easily heated by a wood stove. My current job (part-time at JoAnn's) is certainly not one you take home with you, unless you mean buying fabric! I eventually want to do something office related. Boring and stable, and as little stress as possible. Some people live for their work, I want to work to live. If that makes sense. I don't want to "achieve" anything at my work. I just want to make a little bit of money so I don't starve.

Anyway, I've made baby steps. I started garlic chives, english and french lavender, peppermint and spearmint, and took a start of catmint from the plant outside. I use castile soap as shampoo and ACV as conditioner. I made my own feminine products. I learned to bake bread. I'm on my way to making raw catfood, and learning to make soap. I have so many goals sometimes it seems I'll never get there, but I will. Especially when this house sells and I move. Then I won't be tied to suburbia!

Portland is so pretty! Although my friends and I got lost for like an hour tried to find the north bound highway. Then we find you have to start out going some other direction (east??) and then go north. Them- "How far north are you going?" Us- "Canada" Not really, but I'm only 30 minutes from the Canadian boarder, and 45 away from Vancouver BC.

 

[inchworm]

Hi Lonelilly,

Our dreams have changed over the years. Our core dream was our core values in faith and family. Who we are as people and what we value has largely stayed the same over 25 years. How we get to that point has changed and will continue to change as our circumstances change. We moved to the country, what I always wanted, but it has a cost. DH commutes 3-4 hours per day. He hates his job and he hates his commute, but it is the price we are willing to pay AT THIS POINT IN TIME.

I homeschool the kids (not on my radar screen 25 years ago) and play the traditional housewife (definately not what I thought I would be doing) and tend the hobby farm. In addition, I continue my chosen profession by working from home a few hours per week. I have chosen this, but I often feel a great loss at having given up so much of my career. I also have spread myself so thin, that I feel incompetent at everything I do.

But, I didn't really know what parenthood would be like. I didn't know what home ownerhsip was really like. I didn't know what working for a living everyday for 25 years would be like.

We've had to adapt and we've had to change. I am not where I thought I would be, but I like where I am. And I know that things may change and I may choose to move back to the suburbs or a small town or put the kids in school.

Dreams are one thing, but reality is often another. Dream now and then make your reality your own.

Inchworm

 

[lonelilly]

Ladies, these messages are powerful. I keep tearing up every time I read a new one.

hennypenny9--my DH is from Bellingham--it sounds like you're in that area too? We lived there before moving to Pdx. I love it so much up there--the forests are womblike, totally protected, soft loamy ground, walled in by trees and the canopy. I miss it dearly... the bay, the islands, hiking, purple starfish, Skagit, the blinding green... sigh.

 

[hennypenny9]

Yup, Bellingham! It's very pretty. I can basically walk to Lake Whatcom (although I risk death on Lakeway) and it's just nice. I'm originally from Gig Harbor, so I'm going to move back there. I will miss it here, especially because you can get most anywhere without driving on the highway!

I think if I ever had kids, I would home school them. 'Course I might have to because of *cough* differences with the school system. (not individual teachers, you're not the problem!)

 

[farmerlor]

I agree with Inch, the dreams change. What was important to me at 20 doesn't even occur to me now. My life was all about career and money back then. I ran from the farm life and never looked back, seems like I've been working my way back ever since then. There were lots and lots of hardships including and abusive first marriage and a few years when I honestly wasn't sure I could feed my child from day to day but each and every one of those things brought me to this place, this wonderful place where I'm content with the most wonderful man in the world, the best kids and all my animals and land. We're never going to be rich and we'll probably always be worried about finances but this little farm is everything.

 

[freemotion]

So here is another one for ya....

Me 'n' dh are in our forties....ok, barrelling down on fifty! No children, just furry and feathery ones. I've always been interested in and enjoyed doing things myself, my interest was really heightened when my family found itself at its poorest, living in rural Maine, and literally scrounging for food at times.

We kept animals, heated with wood, and I learned to sew out of necessity as a kid. I couldn't afford much in the way of materials, so I developed a life-long habit of scavenging buttons, zippers, etc from anything that was being made into rags, and saving material in good condition for quilts and clothing items. I made a lot of my clothes by re-making other clothes.

My mother apologized to me in conversation later, when I was a young adult. I quickly and sincerely reassured her that it was a valuable gift, that I learned many skills and never felt deprived. I had animals, including my first horse! How could I feel deprived??? She was embarrassed that we kids had to buy our own school clothes. I chose to sew mine so I could use my meager farm-work money for hay and oats for my horse, and barefoot trims on occasion. We kids knew that we appreciated what we had SO much more than the other kids at school, who took everything for granted and didn't take care of their things. I remember on the bus one day, a bunch of kids fooling around, tore another kids jeans. I was APPALLED!!!! It almost made me sick to watch. Those were new store-bought jeans!

I spent some time pursuing my dream with 10 years spent working with horses and living on very little. Then I met dh, we married in our early 30's, and I became a massage therapist, and now a massage therapy instructor. DH followed a few years later. He works a part-time state job to get health insurance. I do a little consulting with nutritional supplements and weight management classes. All things, with the exception of the state job, that define us. We prefer to be helping people, and are not embarrassed to be well-paid for it. We do give some away to less fortunate ones in need, by quiet invitation only. Anyone who has ever asked me for a break in price has been someone with more means than us, can you imagine????

I was able to work in my massage practice for a few years like a maniac, working-working-working, most all work and no play for a while, to get our downpayment on our little farmlet. Now I work far less, and spend time doing what I love, all my ss projects. The economy is forcing me to consider other things to do to make money, though, as many of my clients have had to cut back on the frequency of their appointments. This changes goals. But I am resourceful and have some great ideas, that will be implemented by fall.

My thoughts on goals: Goals should be set and plans made to achieve them, but they will change along the way. Goals should be a fluid and living thing. We change as we get older and wiser and have different experiences and see what others are doing and having success with. Goals need to allow for those changes without feeling like you are a failure if you don't achieve your original goals.

Seven years ago we set up our farmlet for my retired horse. Now she is gone and I am crazy for goats. How many can I fit??? I have to stop looking at pictures of baby goats!!! It is like going into a bakery when you are on a strict diet!

 

[big brown horse]

Dreams into reality?

We moved out of TX (which we hated) and spent a billion dollars to get up here to Puget Sound. Now instead of concrete and hurricanes we are living 50% self sufficient. (Every year I will set a nice big goal to reach 100%. Next year I am going to have a windmill. It may take my whole lifetime, but I am going to do it a little at a time.)

I have horses which I train myself and I make a bit of extra cash training other's horses. I am certified to trim and shoe horses. This year I am going to be retrained to trim the natural way.

I have chickens for eggs, a nice big garden ready to explode with goodies.

We own our own well that spouts ice cold water even in the summer time.

Day job:

My better half works from home and telecommutes. I am a certified Montessori teacher but I am taking this school year off to get this hobby farm whipped into shape. This is where horse training and horse shoeing come in handy for extra cash. I love working with horses it is like a vacation job! Aside from this computer forum, I spend every minute outside. (Something I couldn't do in TX.)

Encouraging words:

YOU CAN DO IT! Start small, you are in the city for Pete's sake! I lived in downtown Houston TX on a postage stamp sized lot...I turned the whole front yard into a herb garden. I encouraged the neighbors and even strangers to pick what they want. There was a community garden within walking distance...I gave them horse poo and they traded me in carrots etc. I had a frizzle hen that lived in the itty bitty back yard. I had a few more at the stable where I borded my 3 horses. I wanted to do so much more, but couldn't. I did what I could though.

Here are some ways I made extra cash or saved money when I lived in the horrid city:

I taught swim lessons every summer for cash at a parent's private back yard pool! I "nannied" the children from my classroom on the weekends...for cash. I waited tables in between for a friend's resturaunt for tips. The list goes on and on.

The last school I worked was a public Montessori school and we took the city bus everywhere for field trips. Up to 60 kids spread out on city busses, can you believe it? It was awesome. Those little (grades 1-3) kids were fabulous urban travelers!

You are going to love this forum...it has helped me change my life for the better. Everyone here is very friendly and encouraging. I hope this helps.