How many of you make a budget and actually stick to it.

[goodlife]

We do budget and have been doing it successfully for about 6 years. I agree with patandchickens although I think you need to be careful in how you're saying "no". My husband would say to remember he is not a child you are dealing with. Maybe the two of you could sit down together and clearly write out a current budget and then you'll know exactly what you're working with/and have to work with. Good luck!

 

[patandchickens]

I think you need to be careful in how you're saying "no". My husband would say to remember he is not a child you are dealing with.

The beauty of having him sit down and crunch the numbers HIMSELF (to convince YOU) is that it may very well not come down to your feeling like you want to say 'no' -- quite possibly either he will realize himself that it's unaffordable, or he will convince you that it is affordable after all

I honestly don't see what's wrong, though, with telling one's husband "no, I really don't think we can afford this". It's not the same as "no you cannot do this" (which I agree would be inappropriate). It is not a veto -- it is just notification that your views are different and negotiation is needed. Of course everybody has their own way of doin' things in their marriage, but still, unless your way of doing things is separate finances and each does whatevertheheck they like with no mind paid to what the other person thinks, I think most of us DO work out compromises based on the other person's feelings.

Pat

 

[goodlife]

patandchickens, I don't see anything wrong with saying "no, I don't think we can afford this". I was just trying to distinguish myself from so many people (not saying you here) who belittle their men and treat them like they can't figure things out on their own. I agree with your plan and would go this route myself.

 

[miss_thenorth]

My dh is a thrill seeker, and no amount of threats--of life insurance etc, will work in his case, unfortunately.

Last year he took up motorbike racing. He had bought a motorbike--a ZX-10R, which he used to ride on the road. This is a bike that goes over 110 km/h while still in first gear. he couldn't ride it on the streets as fast as he wanted to so he bought a membership at a racetrack in Michigan somewhere, so he could race this bike. So, with the cost of the bike, plus insurance, plus gas, plus membership, plus travelling to the track, he finallyy decided to sell it when we bought our farm, with the reasoning that it was too pretty to risk crashing it. He threatened that he WOULD have a racebike again though. He hasn't asked for it this year, so hopefully that has passed.

The plane, I hope that passes too, but it doesn't look like it will. the only saving grace is that he agreed that we will SAVE for it as opposed to getting a loan. But he is a very impatient man when it comes to his hobbies. When he wants to do something , he wants to do it now! Hopefully he won't have the long term stamina that it will take to save for this, and his passion will go in a different direction. but he is a thrill seeker, and we have been together for 17 years. this is not likely to change, and although I don't like it, I have to tolerate it. It is sooo not in line with my frugal-ness.

But I can't bash him either. He is do it yourself kinda guy. he is very supportive of me and my "homesteading "endeavours. It is only his hobbies where we are at odds.

So, if this"flies", pardon the pun, we will have to think of ways to strip our (as in his) spending habits and our already barebones budget, so that we can save for this thing. he makes great money, and will never have to worry about having a job. He deserves to have his hobbies, but at the same time--we have so many other important priorities, that this would be on the very bottom of my list, but it is not on the bottom of his list.

I think I will have to sit him down this week, after I go through our finances, set up a budget, and see if he willl go for it. If not, I will have to put up with a miserable man until he gets over it--if he does. yes, he is admittedly selfish when it comes to things like this, but we have worked out compromises so much in the past.

I just have the feeling that--even though I am not a spender, i will be the one who will be suffering b/c of this. So therefore, I need a budget that will work.

 

[enjoy the ride]

This is going to sound maybe silly but is there such a thing as a kit plane? It may be way less expensive and take long enough to put together that the enthusiasm may lessen.

 

[FarmerChick]

One problem with Tony is if we get the "big ticket item" he wants, and he says he will make allowances to spend less, blah, blah, blah, not 3 weeks later he is wanting something else big ticket...LOL

I can't win. Problem is once the gratification is filled, alot of people move onto the next thrilling adventure.

Not saying everyone, just some and Tony is that way. Once bought, he looks forward to the next purchase...like a kid in the candy store. One day off he says, lets go for a great ride, yea, hooray, to 3 tractor stores in SC.....oh yes, thrilling day..HA HA HA

But I agree, I never say NO just to say no....I say no cause I know the finances and he doesn't have a clue and doesn't want to know. So that is why I don't feel guilty anymore. Ya either want to participate in the finances or ya don't...so if is no and you want to truly know why the answer is no, check the finances, which he would never do..HA HA HA

oh well......

 

[miss_thenorth]

This is going to sound maybe silly but is there such a thing as a kit plane? It may be way less expensive and take long enough to put together that the enthusiasm may lessen.

There are lots of kit planes. The cheapest to build is the ultralight, but in all seriousness, you could probably buy one for about the same price to build one--without all the headaches of building. the beauty of building it is though, ythat you buy sections at a time--thus stretching out the actual purchase price.

 

[roosmom]

miss_thenorth, Like I said earlier, you will figure it out, no amount of us TELLING you what we would do will really make a difference. Only you know how to handle your marriage.
The life ins wasnt meant to stop my hubby, he bought it. He just hasnt flown it this year. I just wanted him to know that he had better be careful because he is needed and depended on.
Most of us women sacrifice. ALL THE TIME! And it sounds like you cant change his way of thinking, fine then. I do not know your financial situation, but, if you (like most of us) sacrifice over and over then maybe you need to look at NOT doing that as much? Not saying to get into a power struggle or anything, just something for you to think about. I really do understand, My heart is there for ya......

 

[miss_thenorth]

I know... I am just wallowing in my misery/misfortune. this might be a blessing in disguise. We need to set a budget. I have wanted to do it before, but hubby wasn't on board. maybe with something motivating him, we will finally be able to set one, and maybe even stick to it.

he will always have his toys/hobbies,and I can't tell him what to do. But I cand tell him what we can afford. Maybe if his desires are to budget, (for a plane), then we will budget and hopefully be better for it. Just need to make a realistic one, and then get him to stick with it.

And ifwe start budgeting effectively, maybe he can see what else we can do, with a budget.

 

[Cassandra]

Bleh. Sorry if this turns into a vent. But I think when men do this they are acting like children. It so annoys me when DH does this to me.

Put a big note on the fridge that says "I'm not your mother. Don't ask me for permission to do anything. If you are asking me, then you already know you shouldn't be doing it."

(I have heard Dave Ramsey say that men sometimes give their women a hard time because women like to shop and spend money. The difference is, that when a woman goes out to "Splurge" she will maybe blow $300. When a man goes out to blow money, it will be thirty THOUSAND.)

When DH starts whining to me (and that's what he does, he is whining) about I want so & so (more electronic crap for his ever increasing collection) I tell him I don't want to hear it. You just keep giving me X amount of money every month to pay the bills and if you can magically pull a few thousand dollars out of the air (or get a second job and earn it) you can darn well go buy whatever you like with it.

It's a mind game, and I don't play it. He knows we can't afford it. If we could afford it, he'd have it already. (Simply because he has zero tolerance or patience for denying himself anything.)

DH & I already have worked out how much of each of our paychecks goes to paying bills. Whatever else we can earn above and beyond that is our own discretionary spending money. So when I want something, I don't go ask him about it, I just rearrange my own personal budget and save up my own money until I can afford it. Then I go buy it. I don't need permission (but then, I'm not buying airplanes, I'm talking about shoes or canners or chicken wire here.) And, quite frankly, it never occurs to me to purchase things simply to amuse myself that would put our family in a financial bind.

DH knows how I feel about it, so I know when he starts asking me for something, what he is really asking is for me to figure out he can get it. I tell him to stop making it my problem. "Nope. I don't care if you never get a (insert prize here.) If you want one, go get one. Just make sure you've still got the bill money."

So, yeah. We kind of have a budget and all of the bills get paid! In that respect, we are sticking to it pretty well.

Cassandra