LovinLife- Happy New Year's all!

[LovinLife]

Tell him he lost the ability to go on the field trip because of his behavior BUT give him the chance to earn back the privilege. Of course, if he doesn't WANT to earn the right to go this could backfire on you...

Yeah, I was thinking of giving him a task to earn back the right to go. I was thinking of making him write a paper explaining to me why he should go. Sounds silly 'cause he's only 5 but he writes pretty good and it will at least get him thinking about it. I made him clean his room and make his bed yesterday and he did a good job with that....but I think that should be something that he does without reward.

 

[mandieg4]

He knew the consequences and he chose to miss the trip by disobeying. Letting him be upset for a few minutes will go a lot further to reinforce the rules than changing the consequence now. At 5, he may be upset that he is missing out, but it will probably be a lot more embarrassing for you than him. If you really want him to go on the trip, give him a specific list of things he can do to earn the trip back. If he really wants to go, he will do them and he learns another valuable lesson that we have to work for the things we want. If he doesn't do them then he doesn't get to go and he learns that when you say something you mean it.

 

[Farmfresh]

NO WAY would he go on that field trip. If you said it - you had better mean it. Kids are totally aware of parents "setting up a way to earn it back" and know it is really us back peddling on what limits were set.

I have worked with kids with behavior disorders for many many years and without an exception all of their parents "I don't want to take the ___ away from him." Treat it with the importance that knowing disobedience deserves. Whether he is 5 or 15.

I am sorry if I sound like a big old meany, but the things he did were DANGEROUS and with full knowledge that he was not following your rules. It is entirely possible that he could have fallen in the pond and been drowned or been injured in the woods alone. If he had been hurt would you still have wanted him to go on a little fun day?

 

[Denim Deb]

I agree w/FF. I know of several kids who basically do what they please because their parents made rules, but didn't stick to them. It would be one thing if you were to suddenly say, you can't go on the field trip because you did such and such a thing. That, IMO, would be cruel. However, he KNEW the consequences, and did it anyway. Not only did he do it anyway, but what he did was dangerous. I'm pretty sure that if you do this once, you'll never have to do it again.

 

[LovinLife]

NO WAY would he go on that field trip. If you said it - you had better mean it. Kids are totally aware of parents "setting up a way to earn it back" and know it is really us back peddling on what limits were set.

I have worked with kids with behavior disorders for many many years and without an exception all of their parents "I don't want to take the ___ away from him." Treat it with the importance that knowing disobedience deserves. Whether he is 5 or 15.

I am sorry if I sound like a big old meany, but the things he did were DANGEROUS and with full knowledge that he was not following your rules. It is entirely possible that he could have fallen in the pond and been drowned or been injured in the woods alone. If he had been hurt would you still have wanted him to go on a little fun day?

You do sound like an old meany!! But you are right, what he did was dangerous and rebellious. It's just so sad to think of him being left behind, especially when he is doing so good in school.

 

[LovinLife]

I'm pretty sure that if you do this once, you'll never have to do it again.

That's what I'm hoping for.

 

[Wannabefree]

I agree with FF as well. And I'll tell ya why....my DH allows my DD who also knows the rules to "work it off" when she loses a priviledge too. She is 14, and guess what she does now? Yep...whatever the crap she wants to, and when she screws up big time...she can always fall back on daddy letting her work it off :/ Don't set yourself up now to fall into that trap...it truly sucks and sets the pace in the child's mind to just do what they please and "work it off" later. You don't wanna go there. Trust me!

 

[Denim Deb]

It's also why I have so many problems w/my children. I'd make a rule, they'd break it, and their father would always give them another chance. Now he wonders what he did wrong.

 

[Wannabefree]

It's also why I have so many problems w/my children. I'd make a rule, they'd break it, and their father would always give them another chance. Now he wonders what he did wrong.

Maybe the non rule enforcing daddies should go punishment then. Dang men unravelling everything we work so hard to instill in the kids!!

 

[Denim Deb]

Tell me about it!