Henrietta23
Yard Farmer
She's already got it outlined in her blog! OFG, get busy!! Start writing!!
OFG-isms List your favorite :D
- Thread starter Wifezilla
- Start date
big brown horse
Hoof In Mouth
I agree!
This is like OFG's cliffsnotes! Too funny!
This is like OFG's cliffsnotes! Too funny!
- Thread starter
- #43
Wifezilla
Low-Carb Queen - RIP: 1963-2021
come to think of it - i did take the goat thru the Starbucks drive thru once
everyone remember to jump up and down to get the earth moving back the OTHER way so we can get more daylight!!?!?
i think them bears are afraid of the Amish
Back to your cubicles, corporate monkeys! Im goin country!
Golf posters with motivational slogans are NOT art. Neither are holiday edition beer cans
and to think some girls wants jewelry or fancy underpants. i just want to love my camo boots.
i'll amuse myself by eating my weight in cheese. and liverwurst.
everyone remember to jump up and down to get the earth moving back the OTHER way so we can get more daylight!!?!?
i think them bears are afraid of the Amish
Back to your cubicles, corporate monkeys! Im goin country!
Golf posters with motivational slogans are NOT art. Neither are holiday edition beer cans
and to think some girls wants jewelry or fancy underpants. i just want to love my camo boots.
i'll amuse myself by eating my weight in cheese. and liverwurst.
old fashioned
Almost Self-Reliant
OFG reminds me of "Calamity Jane" , an old movie with Doris Day. 
savingdogs
Queen Filksinger
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2009
- Messages
- 5,478
- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 221
ohiofarmgirl
Sipping Bacon Martinis
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2009
- Messages
- 5,488
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 189
Old Fashioned, you have no idea how funny this is... however i'm usually not compared to that jane, i've been compared to THIS Jane:old fashioned said:OFG reminds me of "Calamity Jane" , an old movie with Doris Day.
***** caution - not for the faint of heart ***
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKEZbgaqJWo&feature=related
especially the 2nd scene. she walks like a trucker, swears like a sailor, and always has a weapon. i love that gal.
;-)
ps Nibbles went thru the Starbucks drive thru - they didnt know what to do when i told them "its not a dog" when they offered a doggie treat.
lorihadams
Always doing laundry
Man, did I need this today....
I personally like
"I walk like a trucker, I swear like a drunken sailor, and I'm hell with an axe. But I consider myself a traditional wife and I don't feel bad about it. "
" I like meat. Especially bacon"
"Guess what's for breakfast?"
"skip poppin'"
"creepy meats"
and this excerpt from her blog pretty much sums up why I love Ms. OFG to pieces!!!
"As I was standing there talking to her I had chicken poop in my hair, I had a bruise on my leg where I smacked into something while chasing the hens into the coop, I was stinky and sweaty, and my hands hurt so much from milking that I could barely hold the phone. Sun setting over a peaceful barnyard!?!?! Not on your life.
So lean in close, friends, and I'll tell you The Truth About Farming. They won't say any of this in Hobby Farms or on any of those lovely farm blogs with beautiful pictures of sheep. No siree... There is the 'cover of Vogue' farming...and then the real dirt.
Farming is one crazy ride.
Everyday is exactly the same and radically different. You'll do the exact same thing everyday. Get up (early), get out there and feed those critters, work that land, feed those critters again, herd everyone up, and go to bed (early). Oh, but what happens in between? You can't make some of this stuff up. Its all go, all the time.... and success is measured in who didn't die that day. Step lively now, there is no day off and there is always some kind of skulduggery going on.
Think you won't have a boss if you work for yourself? Wrong. Nature is your boss and the Weather is your CEO and they won't ever let you forget it. Your every day is ruled entirely by these two and sometimes its seems like they are out to get you. Think you can get some early spring planting done? Not if you get an unexpected frost ...and then you'll have to start all over. Think those lovely pumpkin plants will win you first prize at the Pumpkin Show? Not if the squash bugs get them first. Don't even get me started on tornadoes, torrential rain, blazing heat, and this cursed snow...
Then there is the maniacal barnyard where everything and anything can and will happen. You'll never know if you'll go out there and find your best laying hen dead - the victim of some ridiculous barnyard mishap. Or remember our goat Debbie hanging from the feeder? Don't expect Backyard Poultry to tell you what to do if your turkeys suddenly scatter and you spend 2 hours trying to round them up, just in time to see one of your prized males flying (like an eagle!) over the house, across the ravine, and into your trigger happy, huntin' obsessed, rednecked, neighbor's tree.
Think you are a tough guy? Even the biggest and baddest will shed at least one tear when you find the best chick of the clutch floating lifeless in a water bucket. There is nothing sadder than a dead baby bird, friends. And while you stand there cursing yourself for letting it happen you'll start to calculate the true cost not just of one small chick, but of all the eggs she would have laid, and all the layers she would have raised, of all the bugs they would have eaten, and all the compost they would have created, and...... You see, even the smallest loss has an impact that increases exponentially.
Then there is the mocking by your so-called-friends and family who think you are completely out of your mind. Why would you give up your city life for THAT? Or if you tell a friend that you are so tired that your hair hurts, more than likely you'll hear All you do is garden all day. Why are you complaining its not like you work?" Or, part of a real conversation I heard about the other day Why don't you just get a job so you don't have to grow your own food?
Its enough to make you want to go out and lay in the compost heap.
But.
The upside is tremendous. You don't HAVE to grow your own food, you GET to..and that makes all the difference.
You'll learn to work effectively and efficiently, to follow the weather and anticipate her moves, to plan, plan, and plan some more. Gym membership? Nah.. you won't need it. Need a mental challenge? Its all challenging and the learning never stops. You'll learn you can build a duck garage, pip a turkey poult out of its shell, figure out how to fence in those stupid pigs, and discover a whole world of folks who live their lives by the turning of the seasons and not by the passing of the financial quarters.
Its not simpler but its better.
What are you getting yourself into? Its one crazy ride, baby. So hold on tight, pull on those barn boots, and get out there and make that land work for you. And when you're so tired your hair hurts? Come and talk to me - we're all in this together."
I personally like
"I walk like a trucker, I swear like a drunken sailor, and I'm hell with an axe. But I consider myself a traditional wife and I don't feel bad about it. "
" I like meat. Especially bacon"
"Guess what's for breakfast?"
"skip poppin'"
"creepy meats"
and this excerpt from her blog pretty much sums up why I love Ms. OFG to pieces!!!
"As I was standing there talking to her I had chicken poop in my hair, I had a bruise on my leg where I smacked into something while chasing the hens into the coop, I was stinky and sweaty, and my hands hurt so much from milking that I could barely hold the phone. Sun setting over a peaceful barnyard!?!?! Not on your life.
So lean in close, friends, and I'll tell you The Truth About Farming. They won't say any of this in Hobby Farms or on any of those lovely farm blogs with beautiful pictures of sheep. No siree... There is the 'cover of Vogue' farming...and then the real dirt.
Farming is one crazy ride.
Everyday is exactly the same and radically different. You'll do the exact same thing everyday. Get up (early), get out there and feed those critters, work that land, feed those critters again, herd everyone up, and go to bed (early). Oh, but what happens in between? You can't make some of this stuff up. Its all go, all the time.... and success is measured in who didn't die that day. Step lively now, there is no day off and there is always some kind of skulduggery going on.
Think you won't have a boss if you work for yourself? Wrong. Nature is your boss and the Weather is your CEO and they won't ever let you forget it. Your every day is ruled entirely by these two and sometimes its seems like they are out to get you. Think you can get some early spring planting done? Not if you get an unexpected frost ...and then you'll have to start all over. Think those lovely pumpkin plants will win you first prize at the Pumpkin Show? Not if the squash bugs get them first. Don't even get me started on tornadoes, torrential rain, blazing heat, and this cursed snow...
Then there is the maniacal barnyard where everything and anything can and will happen. You'll never know if you'll go out there and find your best laying hen dead - the victim of some ridiculous barnyard mishap. Or remember our goat Debbie hanging from the feeder? Don't expect Backyard Poultry to tell you what to do if your turkeys suddenly scatter and you spend 2 hours trying to round them up, just in time to see one of your prized males flying (like an eagle!) over the house, across the ravine, and into your trigger happy, huntin' obsessed, rednecked, neighbor's tree.
Think you are a tough guy? Even the biggest and baddest will shed at least one tear when you find the best chick of the clutch floating lifeless in a water bucket. There is nothing sadder than a dead baby bird, friends. And while you stand there cursing yourself for letting it happen you'll start to calculate the true cost not just of one small chick, but of all the eggs she would have laid, and all the layers she would have raised, of all the bugs they would have eaten, and all the compost they would have created, and...... You see, even the smallest loss has an impact that increases exponentially.
Then there is the mocking by your so-called-friends and family who think you are completely out of your mind. Why would you give up your city life for THAT? Or if you tell a friend that you are so tired that your hair hurts, more than likely you'll hear All you do is garden all day. Why are you complaining its not like you work?" Or, part of a real conversation I heard about the other day Why don't you just get a job so you don't have to grow your own food?
Its enough to make you want to go out and lay in the compost heap.
But.
The upside is tremendous. You don't HAVE to grow your own food, you GET to..and that makes all the difference.
You'll learn to work effectively and efficiently, to follow the weather and anticipate her moves, to plan, plan, and plan some more. Gym membership? Nah.. you won't need it. Need a mental challenge? Its all challenging and the learning never stops. You'll learn you can build a duck garage, pip a turkey poult out of its shell, figure out how to fence in those stupid pigs, and discover a whole world of folks who live their lives by the turning of the seasons and not by the passing of the financial quarters.
Its not simpler but its better.
What are you getting yourself into? Its one crazy ride, baby. So hold on tight, pull on those barn boots, and get out there and make that land work for you. And when you're so tired your hair hurts? Come and talk to me - we're all in this together."
DrakeMaiden
Sourdough Slave
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2008
- Messages
- 2,421
- Reaction score
- 6
- Points
- 148
"You want a piece of me?" (directed at a farm animal)
I don't feel bad now when I say that to my chickens.
I don't feel bad now when I say that to my chickens.
BeccaOH
Almost Self-Reliant
lorihadams said:
Awesome speech, OFG. Sorry I missed it first time around.
old fashioned
Almost Self-Reliant
OFG, I've not seen THAT version before but yep it portrays you perfectly. Remember, Hollywood didn't allow for such language in Doris Day's time. Either one, you're still a straight shootin, straight talking, straight crazy kinda gal
