Pink Fox: its Raining...IN MY HOUSE! :/

[pinkfox]

well when it rains

dozer islooking for a new home.
he killed my acw jack last night. somehow jack got out of his cage and iwithina second was gone to a broken neck.
im angry at ME, i saw this comming and i didnt wok harderto rehome either of them, his life was cut much too short for an accident that could have been prevented and i cnanot allow myself to blame dozer for this...he reacted to soemthing, no matter ow wrong that rection was its MY fault.
unfortunatly after his last incident with jaspe, his incident with wilow and nowthis..its 3 strikes.
ive placed some adds to try ad find him a home myself an sent an email to american bulldog resuce to see if they can take him or help me.

it took all but less than a second to loose my beautiful birdy boy...it would take just as short to loose ruby or jasper or one of the cats.

right now im NOT giving myself time to get uspet, jack will be burried tonight in the orchard...
right now i need to focus on making sure everyone in the house stay safe untll dozer can go somewhere more aproriate.
if i cnanot rehome him or get rescue to take him euthanasia is a possibility...i cnnot put my others at risk...if this was just dog agresion like it had been thats one thing, but i cannot keep the cats from umping over the baby gates or lock eveyone in seperate rooms 24/7...my house is simply not big enough to keep everyone safe.

on the same ote willow came home the other morning ate and then started screaching to go back out...she wa messy but she ate and drank...im wondering if the jaw is fractured or the joint poped out or ust solen...im now certain it was her altercation with dozer that caused it.
unfortunatly she whent back out again the ay before yesterdayand again hasnt ome home. again trying notto think becuse quite frankly i dont want to. selfish or not, its how im going to go with all this right now because if i slip back im in trouble.

add to all that bull that this new BC is NOT going to work for me.
im not due my next ring untill tomorrow (nuvar ring) which means itllbe tuesday becaus im an idiot and forgot the pharmacy ould be cosed tomorrow...
well im on a back to back so i shoult get my period or the endo/pcos pain that comes ith it...
well as of friday im popping tylanol like its going out of fashion...started cramping thursday night, thought id eaten something goot a gas-x and whent to bed.
friday cramping got worse, by friday afternoon i was spotting and poping pills like candy and today it looks like im starting to activly bleed...
why is that a problem you may ask?! because i have endometrioss and plycyctic ovarian yndrome. which means take your reagular cramps and pms and times that by aproximaly 1 billion and 10... before the deppo shot i would be o morphins drips and codinefor about 3 weeks a moth (yup 3 weks, thats about o average how long id bleed for (im aparentlya reverese mentuater, 1 off 3 on...lol) and te pain was so bad i coul barely move whtout stong pain killers.
i will say the crampingive been having is not peasant...but its not god either...and i cant take NSAIDS. so extra strength tylanolit is untill i can cal the dr on tuesday and demand my shotback.
(not to mention the ring costs $7 a month (plus if im going to bebleeding add pads and tamponsand world class supply of pain killers...the shot $3 generic very 3 months..ill take that for the budget thanks!)

so needless to say im in pain, i feel like crap, i ont remember what pms feels like (its been about 8 years lol) but im pretty sure i have it, my macaw is dead my cat might be dead and ive got to finda new home or kill my dog.

i still have no buyers for ANY of the crested puppies as my last confiemed buyer backed out due to a health and travel issue, an ive still got2 older parrtlet wihtout a home (luckily ive got a good list for the next clutch so fingers crossed) the only rela GOOD news right now is that the little buckling is hopefully going home tomorrow, an even thats tentative, they want him as a bottlebaby and ivebeen so off the last 2 weks i havet even started him on thebottle yet...so this evning im going to take out a small bottleand offer itto him then pen him and his sister up tongiht and hopefully by morning hell be hingry enough. i realy need to anyway as im keepingbuttercuup and i want her to be frinedly...but still...if i cant get him on the bottle, im to sure want to let him go yet...
but i NEED the money.

im just realy broen right now and i wih there was lots of alcohol in the house or that i had the money to go out and do something to keep me busy...but with barley any gas in the cr even a trip to the park with the dozey one isnt happening.

so the question comes in...why am i doing this again?!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Oh Pink, that's so horrible. I'm really sorry for your loss. When something like this happens it's so easy to blame ourselves. I know you love Dozer and it'll be hard to give him up. I have gone through the same thing with my little Westie murderess. I keep thinking it won't happen again and unfortunately it kept happening.

I hope you can find him the perfect home, he does have a lot of love to give...but I'm not a person who thinks that euthanasia is the worst thing. Better a short good life than a long miserable one if you can't fnd a great spot for him.

My heart goes out to you. The only thing you are guilty of is loving him and giving him every chance. Hang in there, my friend.

 

[Denim Deb]

Oh Pink, that's so horrible. I'm really sorry for your loss. When something like this happens it's so easy to blame ourselves. I know you love Dozer and it'll be hard to give him up. I have gone through the same thing with my little Westie murderess. I keep thinking it won't happen again and unfortunately it kept happening.

I hope you can find him the perfect home, he does have a lot of love to give...but I'm not a person who thinks that euthanasia is the worst thing. Better a short good life than a long miserable one if you can't fnd a great spot for him.

My heart goes out to you. The only thing you are guilty of is loving him and giving him every chance. Hang in there, my friend.

Ditto to what she said. I hope you feel better soon, as well.

 

[pinkfox]

thanks.
its hard, but im muddling on.
got to focuse on getting Dozer sorted one way or another.

burried jack in the orchard today, he loved to wath the ducks and i figure as the trees grow, they couldt be a more perfect spot for him to sleep.

in good news though...
little baby male goat whent to his new home today.
his new people seem realy nice.

 

[Denim Deb]

That's good. Been thinking about you today, and have been wondering how you were doing.

 

[pinkfox]

well im doing ok for now.
the goal for today is to get jacks cage emptied and cleaned out.
have someone inteeted in buying it so hopefully they can come out this afternoon. that money is going into the "just in case i have to do something drastic" fund for now but hopefully itll go into the "i need a big og fund" once i find a home for dozer. (im hopefull for dozer)
i do have 2 people interested in him that are good potential.
1 is an active couple with a teenage aughter, there looking for a house guardian during the a when shes home alone, and a hiking camping walks in the park buddy on the weekends.
the other is a woman with bully experiencewho lost her american bulldog 3 months ago and is now lookign for a new best bully buddy.

buly experience is DEFINATLY a bonus in this case so PLEASE keep those fingers crossed.
ive given myself untill june 10th to get him into a new home. after that...well m not ready to talk about the other option
Ive still ehard nothign back from the bulldog recue either so im not ruling that out yet either, though rescues can be...fussy..with so many good candidates...woudl they be willig to take an animal agressive dog in...so private adoption is my ideal choice...but it has to be the perfect match.

ive also got a call in to the gyno about this stupid ring/ getting back on my deppo shot. if he wont co-operate im just going to go to my regular dr for my BC and keep him for my lady checkups...
ll i knwo is the cramping is slowly increasing in intensityand i whent a very logn time without this and id like that back.

 

[pinkfox]

its done. the cage is cleaned out, scrubed and sun drying...
of course it couldnt be easy...the damned thing wouldnt fit through the doors in the house, ended up havign to take the front door off the hunges and even then i had to litereally wrestle and powerhouse it out. but its now sitting outsie waiting for its new owner who shoudl be here early this evening.
its going to a good home, a bare eyed cockatoo whos currently in a cage now quite big enoug for him to safely flap his wings. this cage will be a mansion (the bare eyed is about the same size as jack jack was they just ont have the tail length.) and there givingme what i was asking too.

its so odd looking to the left of me and not seeing the cage. i think once i scrubdown and give that wall a repaint and these puppies go home im going to rearrange my livingroom some so theres no a big empty corner.

now lets just keep those fingers crossed that one of these homes pans out or the Dozey Dog.

 

[pinkfox]

well things continue to throw wrenches at me

gyno office called back nurse tells me doc wants to try an IUD nstead...
we disscuessed iuds t the visit i told him flat out NOT interested,
eve with horonal iuds there not suggestedfor people with migranes and in the first 3-6 months heavy bleeding and sever cramping isnormal, and that can be a perminent issue...

the pointof me being on bc is not so i dont get pregnant, theres NO risk of that even if my system wasnt broken...
but to SOP me form bleeding 21 day amonth with the flow of a broken dam and cramping enough t have me on the floor in tears for half the time only to repeat it all 8-10 days later...

he words..."he doesnt LIKE deppo"

well quite frankly i dont give a dam what he likes, if this was his reprodctive system he woudl be MORE than welcome to shove whtever the hell he wants in it...but its ot...its mine and im in pain right now...pain i idnt feel for the time i was on deppo, bleeding that i havent had ayof for the time ive been on deppo, im bloated im exhausted, i ache, and as if i realy need my mood to be any worse right now?!

and all i annt do is eat pzza psta and chocolate...*grumbles*

so she goes "well he alredy left for the day (i called and left my first message before the office even opend this morning and they are supposed tocheck messages first thing AND lunch time and again at closing...) but ill talk to im tomorrow and call you..."

Im like, well what can i do about the pain im in right now...
and her responce was to take advil and motrin...you know...NSAIDS...which i cant take...
so i told her, yeah that would be great if i could take NSAIDS....so how about we try what can i do for pain thats NOT an NSAID...
oh...well a heating pad and hot baths help...

do you realy think id be this upset if this was heating pad an hot water kind of pain...this is PCOS/ENDO pain...this is every so often it gets bad enough i crumple to the floor while taking 2 extra strength tylanol every 6 hours pain....yup im sure a heating pad and a hot bath is going to do wonders (as a side not i have een trying the heating pad today and i swear it akes it worse...)

I also brought up the fact that when he took me off eppo for the ring he said right there "if it doesnt work we can always put you back on the shot...

and ontop of it the guy that was suppose ot come get the cage betwen 4 and 5pm hasnt hown up, hasnt emailed me hasnt nothing...

Im an emotional basket case with an added case os PMDD/psm on steroids, in pain crazing carbs an dlife just keeps throwing monkey wrentches At my head...

WTF did i do to piss life off reacently?!!?!

my birds dead, im goign to have to kill my dog if i cant find him a new home, ive got a broken septic system and no money and were going to add uncoperative medical staff, pain, added crazy emotions and being stood up to tonights list...


*SCREAMS and curle up into a little tiny ball*

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Girlfriend - I don't even have words to make you feel better - but wine and chocolate may do the trick!

Hope your doc sees things your way when you talk to him.

 

[Denim Deb]

Hope things start to go more smoothly for you. I've been thinking of you often today, and praying for you.