please give me your opinions on what i should do with my life?

[elijahboy]

ok I am in a pickle

this is mainly about romance and love

my ex (i know an ex is an ex for a reason) wants to be a family AGAIN

I met my ex 8 years ago we have 2 kids. i left him 4 years ago for cheating on me. ever since then we have been "playing". i live in sc and he livesin nc cause he is stationed there. when we were off i had boyfriends and he had girlfriends and there was nothing between us at all. but when we were playing he would have girls and would not tell me but when we were playing i didnt have anyone and i still felt that was cheating even thought we didnt live with each other. well this last go around i vacationed in fla were he was because a death in the family and we "played" then he went home to nc and had a different girl come to his house. i blew up. then when he went back to afghanistan he emailed her and said it was done then emailed me and said he wanted to be a family again. now my dilemma is this. i just got 10 acres and planned to mover there and now he wants me to move to frigging nc and im not happy about that.

what would you do? would you move to somewhere you didnt want to to have a family and may be not happy or go ahead with your life and live ont he 10 acres?

now know that i do love him and from i think he loves me. but i may not be in love with him at the moment

 

[Ldychef2k]

I apologize for being blunt, but truly if you can't see the parade of red flags here, no words of advice are going to help you at all.

Your primary responsibility is to your children, to be a mother they can respect and admire. The behavior and values that you model to them are all that matters.

 

[2dream]

My advice is to read what you posted and answer your own question. Not trying to be a smart@#%. But I think you really already know the answer but are just looking for confirmation.

My experience with cheating ex's is that its a lot like getting the milk out of the fridge, finding out its sour, and putting it back hopeing it will be better the next day.

But the next thing that goes with that is, it sounds like both of you never actually severed this relationship. On and off you have "played" with each others emotions. Neither of you ever actually got closure.

Personally, I would move onward and upward. But I am older and wiser now than I was 25 years ago when I walked in your shoes.

 

[Ldychef2k]

2dream -- your first paragraph is almost word for word what my first draft was. I rambled too much, so I edited it down. You are spot on.

 

[elijahboy]

You are sooooooooooo right!! I know whats right. I tell people all the time if you question it its because you knpw the answer. I am too old too question anything. I moved from SC to MD for this man one time and dont want to move from SC to NC behind him. My man cuz told me not to chase a man and that was all the confirmation I needed but that was after I posted this on this board. I knew all along but needed more of a umph to tell him that I didnt need him back after all.

My advice is to read what you posted and answer your own question. Not trying to be a smart@#%. But I think you really already know the answer but are just looking for confirmation.

My experience with cheating ex's is that its a lot like getting the milk out of the fridge, finding out its sour, and putting it back hopeing it will be better the next day.

But the next thing that goes with that is, it sounds like both of you never actually severed this relationship. On and off you have "played" with each others emotions. Neither of you ever actually got closure.

Personally, I would move onward and upward. But I am older and wiser now than I was 25 years ago when I walked in your shoes.

 

[xpc]

Being divorced twice and neither time the cheater its best to go with the gut feeling and start over on your new land. To me no matter how much you make-up or say its for the good of the children or he will be a good provider it will always be an estranged relationship. Remember the rule of making a list of pros and cons of having him back and see which one is longer.

Also being in love does not qualify one to cheat, how long would of it went on if he wasn't caught? People can and do change for the better and often times not, just know this: 90% of the times on a 50% split decision you will be wrong.

Send those youngins to go live with the ex and I'll come out there and help you build that spiffy new yurt.

 

[elijahboy]

xpc who told you i want a frigging yurt i want a concrete dome now cause of you hahaha
but i have already made my decision
i wont chase a man any longer cause i can be mommy and daddy as i have been doing it for 4 years

Being divorced twice and neither time the cheater its best to go with the gut feeling and start over on your new land. To me no matter how much you make-up or say its for the good of the children or he will be a good provider it will always be an estranged relationship. Remember the rule of making a list of pros and cons of having him back and see which one is longer.

Also being in love does not qualify one to cheat, how long would of it went on if he wasn't caught? People can and do change for the better and often times not, just know this: 90% of the times on a 50% split decision you will be wrong.

Send those youngins to go live with the ex and I'll come out there and help you build that spiffy new yurt.

 

[dragonlaurel]

Sound like he has a strong pattern of being cheater. You wont have a good life with him, if he can't even be trusted.
Buying that land could be the start of making your life really good for you and your kids. But when it's time to find love again, you will probably be happier with someone else.
I hope I'm not putting my foot in it- but it sounds like your brain has already figured this out.

 

[xpc]

xpc who told you i want a frigging yurt i want a concrete dome now cause of you hahaha

A concrete dome is not for the faint of heart, if you don't have money to have one built you're gonna need a strong back along with that old butter paddle because you need to mix a lot of low slump cement one bag at a time and move fast. They are the epitome of being hurricane and tornado proof in an above ground house.

The goat gut twine on a Mongolian yurt would dissolve in a salt water storm dropping a tarpaulin blob of camel encrusted tripe on your head - edible but not pretty.

 

[valmom]

Just wanted to add- don't give up 10 acres for anyone!!