Quail_Antwerp: Words from the Barnyard...

[keljonma]

I pray the rest of your week is uneventful and drama-free. Glad to hear the children were safe.

 

[JRmom]

Breaking a child's will? Really? Good grief.

My daughter breast fed her first child for 2 years, and the other 2 for over a year. They are wonderful kids, extremely bonded with mom. for breast feeding!

 

[hillfarm]

yayay! Baby girl is gorgeous. You definantly make pretty babies.

Glad you are doing well and I was so bummed I was offline all this time and didnt get to know till now how things went.

 

[abifae]

I have nothing against spanking, but it needs to have a reason other than "I'll show you I'm bigger and stronger!" And spanking someone else's kids?!? I'd so ban her from my house!

 

[Farmfresh]

I spank, but only for willful outright defiance. Believe me when I say I spanked a lot when my kids were little ... especially D1! (She still needs one from time to time. )

Breaking a child's will? That is something else again. People that spank often are themselves frustrated and angry it has nothing to do with the child's behavior. I would be plenty mad myself at your mom.

MY mom used to do everything in her power to undermine how we were choosing to raise our kids. She filled them up on junk food and candy and actually tape recorded shows that they were not allowed to watch - even shows that she knew gave them nightmares!! She even LOST them at Walmart one time. I tried and tried talking to her but to no end.

It got to the point that I had an old baby and my own babies to take care of and I just made the choice that my children were NEVER alone with my mom. The only time she saw them was when I was sitting right there AND that was not too often. She griped and complained and pitched baby fits about it, but I simply told her that she could not be trusted to follow my wishes and they were MY children. I was the one responsible for how they turned out.

Let YOUR mom know you are upset. Give her a chance or even two to respect your wishes. I hope it doesn't have to end like my situation did.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

OH she knew I was upset! I didn't have to say a word. I shut myself in the room with my son and rocked him. I refused to even speak to her, mostly because I didn't trust what I might possibly have said.

Kids came home from school and no way was I going to leave her alone with THEM! So I came out of the room and walked out to the front porch to watch the kids do their chores. On my way out, she said, "I won't discipline any of your kids again." I didn't respond to that, either, but I plan to hold her to it.

I believe in spanking, when it's warranted. But, IF baby boy was having a tantrum (and I don't know if he was because I didn't hear him having one), spanking him doesn't solve the problem. When he's having a tantrum, we make him lay in his bed until he can calm down and talk politely with us. Tantrums are usually due to being tired and cranky, so the time out in his bed usually results in a nap, which results in a happier child.

He was screaming after each spanking, and she was yelling at him to stop it and he said no, so she smack smack smack again. I remember this punishment when I was a child - pin you down so you can't move and feel helpless while she wails on your butt. My brothers and I had severe self esteem issues. I do not want that for my kids.

Ask my friends. I spend half my adult life apologizing for things I really don't need to apologize for.

 

[abifae]

Good on you to recognize how harmful it is and make it better for your kids.

There is a not really fine at all line between discipline and abuse. And tantrums definitely respond best to quiet time, not punishment. When I have my several times daily tantrums, they're definitely due to being overwrought, not being defiant.

 

[Farmfresh]

Agreed 3 year old tantrums are to be expected of a tired child. Glad she at least owned that what she was doing was not OK with you.

 

[rathbone]

Wow! Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like you handled it really well; you made your point without saying a word.
I don't leave my children with my mother either. It hurts her feelings but truth be told, I would rather hurt her feelings than those of my children. I have tried talking to my mother...but she just doesn't get where I am coming from. And so it is an unspoken understanding between us. Again, I am sorry you had such a day, sorry for you, sorry for your son and even sorry for your mother, because even if she is in the wrong, I am sure she too feels misunderstood. I hope today is better.

 

[AnnaRaven]

OH she knew I was upset! I didn't have to say a word. I shut myself in the room with my son and rocked him. I refused to even speak to her, mostly because I didn't trust what I might possibly have said.

Kids came home from school and no way was I going to leave her alone with THEM! So I came out of the room and walked out to the front porch to watch the kids do their chores. On my way out, she said, "I won't discipline any of your kids again." I didn't respond to that, either, but I plan to hold her to it.

I believe in spanking, when it's warranted. But, IF baby boy was having a tantrum (and I don't know if he was because I didn't hear him having one), spanking him doesn't solve the problem. When he's having a tantrum, we make him lay in his bed until he can calm down and talk politely with us. Tantrums are usually due to being tired and cranky, so the time out in his bed usually results in a nap, which results in a happier child.

He was screaming after each spanking, and she was yelling at him to stop it and he said no, so she smack smack smack again. I remember this punishment when I was a child - pin you down so you can't move and feel helpless while she wails on your butt. My brothers and I had severe self esteem issues. I do not want that for my kids.

Ask my friends. I spend half my adult life apologizing for things I really don't need to apologize for.

ETA: My apologies if I made things worse by my post. I am deleting all but the sympathy which I feel for you.