Self hatred

[me&thegals]

Freemotion--That is an excellent point! When you're helping someone else, it feels great and the focus is off yourself. In fact, maybe people who have great social networks, volunteer in their communities and are somewhat self sufficient would have much better self esteems simply because they are too busy and fulfilled to obsess on body type. Hmm..... double-blind study?

 

[Farmer Kitty]

With two daughters this worries me alot too! We try to stress that they are beautiful from the inside and are pretty on the outside. That it's the inner self that is important and the outter self is just the wrapper. That one only weighs themselves to see that they are growing and doing well. That the actual number doesn't mean anything.

I worry about the "perfect" image that is out there and how they will take it.

I do think that the stress of worrying about the "perfect" body image does create health problems. It's my opinion that stress causes a lot of illnesses.

 

[Beekissed]

The parent's attitudes towards other's bodies has a big impact on the children. My dad is a fat phobic person who made it very obvious that fat people were to be considered lazy and dumber than "fit" people. Ironically, every single one of his children grew up to become obese...nine of us! After spending our whole childhood~when we were not fat or even chubby~telling us that we were "getting too fat", it became a self-fulfilling prophesy!

My folks are very thin, small statured people who have fluffy children...and I think the constant reference to body image had to have played a part in our psyches along the way.

I've always been very careful about stereotyping people according to body size in front of my children~you may not say it towards your children but they definitely found out where your favor lies!

Good point, FK!!

 

[Farmer Kitty]

My dad is a fat phobic person who made it very obvious that fat people were to be considered lazy and dumber than "fit" people.

Sad thing is there are health issues that can contribute to being fluffy! I love that term BTW!

 

[freemotion]

Telling kids they are wonderful just because they exist (which is true, yes, but....) is taken too far today. Self worth comes from within each person, and the best thing we all can learn is that it is what WE KNOW about ourselves that is important, not what ANYONE else says. Usually snotty little comments have more to do with the commenter's issues than anything to do with reality.

So if we are confident that we are doing (actively, not just talking) good to and for others, then we KNOW who we are, whether fluffy or not!

I'd rather get a hug from a fluffy person over a skinny person any day. I tend towards skinny, and two bony people hugging can be uncomfortable! Although I am getting a bit of fluff as I get older....

 

[homestead jenna]

Okay - here's my very best "single" story....

When I was single after the kids' dad left out...I met a guy named Hal on-line. We exchanged e-mails and agreed to meet at a local restaurant this one particular evening for dinner. We had made a game out of NOT exchanging pictures, however.

Whent the appointed day came, we were e-mailing during the day and his curiousity got the better of him and he asked how he'd know it was me. And...just what did a "few pounds over" mean exactly?

He went on to explain how he had divorced his wife of many years after 3 children and she "just wouldn't get the weight off." And how he prided himself on being trim and fit.

Well, that was all I had to hear. I told him it meant what it said - a few pounds over.

He comes back with - well, what are you doing about it?

I responded with "nothing much, just trying to eat better."

He replies that he doesn't think he can meet me. (which I had taken as a foregone conclusion because I've seen dinner plates with more depth). I sent him back an e-mail that said

"Well, what are you doing about your problem?"

He said "What problem?"

"Well," I says, "I can diet and exercise this weight off whenever I choose to - but what are you gonna do about being stupid???"

And that's the true story of Shallow Hal. And I had a pjb for dinner at my house. And some ice cream - in his honor.

 

[freemotion]

Okay - here's my very best "single" story....

When I was single after the kids' dad left out...I met a guy named Hal on-line. We exchanged e-mails and agreed to meet at a local restaurant this one particular evening for dinner. We had made a game out of NOT exchanging pictures, however.

Whent the appointed day came, we were e-mailing during the day and his curiousity got the better of him and he asked how he'd know it was me. And...just what did a "few pounds over" mean exactly?

He went on to explain how he had divorced his wife of many years after 3 children and she "just wouldn't get the weight off." And how he prided himself on being trim and fit.

Well, that was all I had to hear. I told him it meant what it said - a few pounds over.

He comes back with - well, what are you doing about it?

I responded with "nothing much, just trying to eat better."

He replies that he doesn't think he can meet me. (which I had taken as a foregone conclusion because I've seen dinner plates with more depth). I sent him back an e-mail that said

"Well, what are you doing about your problem?"

He said "What problem?"

"Well," I says, "I can diet and exercise this weight off whenever I choose to - but what are you gonna do about being stupid???"

And that's the true story of Shallow Hal. And I had a pjb for dinner at my house. And some ice cream - in his honor.

Yeah, you tell 'im, girl!

 

[Beekissed]

Okay - here's my very best "single" story....

When I was single after the kids' dad left out...I met a guy named Hal on-line. We exchanged e-mails and agreed to meet at a local restaurant this one particular evening for dinner. We had made a game out of NOT exchanging pictures, however.

Whent the appointed day came, we were e-mailing during the day and his curiousity got the better of him and he asked how he'd know it was me. And...just what did a "few pounds over" mean exactly?

He went on to explain how he had divorced his wife of many years after 3 children and she "just wouldn't get the weight off." And how he prided himself on being trim and fit.

Well, that was all I had to hear. I told him it meant what it said - a few pounds over.

He comes back with - well, what are you doing about it?

I responded with "nothing much, just trying to eat better."

He replies that he doesn't think he can meet me. (which I had taken as a foregone conclusion because I've seen dinner plates with more depth). I sent him back an e-mail that said

"Well, what are you doing about your problem?"

He said "What problem?"

"Well," I says, "I can diet and exercise this weight off whenever I choose to - but what are you gonna do about being stupid???"

And that's the true story of Shallow Hal. And I had a pjb for dinner at my house. And some ice cream - in his honor.

OH, JENNA!!!!! You gave me my big ol' laugh for the day....right in the middle of the library!!! I've been there and done that!!! But the last line had me cheering for sure.....you and I would make a powerful pair of twos!!!

And I'll tell you this much....any guy attracted to me solely because I am "fluffy" is one I avoid, as well. Anyone who bases their attraction solely on if one is thin enough or fat enough to satisfy their "sweet tooth" is noone I care to have in my life! So it really works both ways. I love, love, love your prose Jenna!!!

 

[poppycat]

I think parents have a powerful effect on how we think of ourselves. I would love to pass some of the blame to the media also. My dad was obsessed with his wife and daughters being thin. I will not post the whole sad story here, it's too personal. But we couldn't get through a meal without something being said. The irony of it is, I have a metabolism such that I could probably eat a hundred donuts a day and not gain an ounce. But instead of feeling like I had pleased my dad by being skinny, I felt like NOTHING I did was ever quite good enough.

So I'm trying a different approach with my kids needless to say. Whenever we talk about food and self image, it's about what's healthy. Here's hoping it works

 

[Farmer Kitty]

Telling kids they are wonderful just because they exist (which is true, yes, but....) is taken too far today. Self worth comes from within each person, and the best thing we all can learn is that it is what WE KNOW about ourselves that is important, not what ANYONE else says. Usually snotty little comments have more to do with the commenter's issues than anything to do with reality.

So if we are confident that we are doing (actively, not just talking) good to and for others, then we KNOW who we are, whether fluffy or not!

That's the beauty from within, IMO. Being able to be confident in ourselves and being kind and helpful to others.