TanksHill...Roll on!!

[TanksHill]

Your right FF baby steps. My Dh is a tinker-er. He loves to do wood work. He is always very helpful building my projects and I know I couldn't do it without him. The problem falls back to work, his dad and this house. There is just not enough time in the day. When we finally move he does not want to hold a job. Not saying he does not want to work but he wants something to do from the farm/homestead. Which I think would be totally do able. As long as we have a cushion.

Also, we have the same financial issues. Cost of living in Ca. and the up keep on this house. There is always so much to do. Then the weekends are not down time.

He resents that. He's back at the frustration of working so much he has no time for himself. The fact that his dad is kinda running the new company complicates it even more. I found out some new stuff yesterday. I can see why dh is frustrated. Same road, I don't know why we think its going to lead us to a new destination.

Onward and upward is all I can say. I'm going to keep doing what I do and hope for the best.

G

Thursday. 13th

Hot as heck today. Should be close to 97. I'm hiding in the garage I think.

 

[Farmfresh]

Encourage those projects then! A person can make a fine living doing custom cabinetry and other custom wood projects. Perhaps if he has a secure skill to go on he will be more likely to get the move on!

 

[moolie]

Tanks honey, you guys just need a break. Is there any way that you can get away, just the two of you, for a little time off together? It is so HUGE in a relationship to have one-on-one time.

It's also HUGE in family life to just take a weekend as a weekend. You don't have to work at it 24/7, you need to allow yourselves time to just veg. Do something together as a family, that you all enjoy. Play a board game, watch a DVD, do something local that's cheap and fun--together.

We just had family stay with us for 4 nights over the holiday weekend (Thanksgiving is the second Monday of October in Canada, and our Thanksgiving is all about the harvest--we don't have Pilgrims etc. in our heritage) and it was freaking exhausting, even to the kids who had a fun weekend with their cousin who they never see. We are SO looking forward to the coming weekend and have plans to just totally veg together, plus have some space from each other when we want.

I know your kids are younger, but find a way

And I totally agree with FF. Don't push, find projects he'd enjoy, and let it flow. Don't try to do it all at once, it's overkill to both of you and you sound like you are heading into resentment. Has it all been you that has made the SS choices in your family life? Pull back to sustainability and sanity.

And, on the relationship side, be his sounding board and then require that he be yours. You both work hard and need to talk it out to each other. He needs to realize that what you do causes the same stresses etc. as his work does.

One last thing--you each need to do something for yourselves each week. He needs to get out and do something with his buddies like go fishing or play golf or whatever it is that he enjoys. AND you need to do the same. Get out and have coffee, take a class, do something you enjoy. Either alone or with friends, both of you. You can't be together 24/7 and not get really tired of each other.

These are all lessons learned the hard way through 17 years of marriage. Not that we've been married nearly as long as others, but it's been a long haul and we're still pretty darn in love with each other. Hubs has been through ups and downs at work, huge stresses, loss of a job etc. I've been a stay-at-home Mom for a long time and I've also run my own business for most of that time. We share, we duke it out, we take our own time and space together and away from each other, we have dedicated family time each week. We talk, we have quiet time, we have togetherness, we get away from the kids and each other.

You need a break hon, and if you don't take it you'll only feel steadily worse and go deeper into resentment.

More

 

[TanksHill]

Thanks you Moolie that is wonderful advice. Your right we have drifted away from the weekends of golf, lunches with friends and just plain lazy days.

But, I feel there is a season for everything. I do not think this is the season for being lazy. We lived like that for a long time. Weekends in Catalina, trips to the mountains, all things we enjoyed but cost an arm and a leg. Today I can not putting those things before the security of my family.

For years my SS hobbies, that's what they were called, were just that. My interests. I do like to think though, that as job troubles came and things got rough those hobbies helped the family trudge on.

We have family trips, it just that we go to the desert to off road. And considering its 97 here today and desert must be over 110 it's not the right season. Soon enough we will be going. We have quite a few trips on the callender just not yet.

I think the problem is that we have had many issues with the "their family" "our family" stuff. These things span many many years. There is quite a bit of history with work and communication issues. Things were much better for the year dh did not work with his dad but now he does again so.... dh is just caught in the crap again. I am very proud of him for standing his ground this week with his father. Lets just hope work improves and he can keep the ball rolling.

Other than that our family life is great. Kids are happy in school, house is somewhat together, pantry is full and we are getting ready for desert season. All is well on the home front.

g

 

[moolie]

Oh I don't mean indolence or lazyness, I mean quality time. And it doesn't have to cost anything

But definitely time spent not working or worrying or nagging or stressing. That stuff sucks the life right out of you. You gotta get away from the every day here and there.

I think I get the whole prepping mentality (although I'm not and never will be there so maybe I don't), but you truly do have to LIVE life. Let go every once in a while and just live.

 

[TanksHill]

I hear you there Moolie!!

So I think I have decided that my journal isn't really necessary. I have a great time interacting on post and sharing what I know with specific topics.

Does anyone know how I can remove my journal? Not just close it but REMOVE it from the board.

g

 

[moolie]

I would guess that you would need to ask the moderators?

I hope you stick around as I would totally miss you if you stopped posting, but I can understand that it's tough to keep up with your journal. I don't update my own very often, and at this point it's really just become a record for myself of what I'm up to because the journals (mine in particular) don't get a lot of traffic.

 

[TanksHill]

Most of the time my journal is pretty quiet. Sometimes when I need help with something I go directly to the topic I need. I also keep a written journal so posting on line isn't really a priority.

Most of the time it's cause I'm bored. I thought if I closed/deleted it then I would be less tempted to sit and babble.

Maybe I need to start my winter projects now.

g

 

[FarmerChick]

Hang tough Gina. Just so much can a persons mind take when it gets filled up with extra junk. Been there. Somehow ya battle thru it and find the fun in life again and quality fun time you guys need. Life is cycles. One bad patch and you get thru and then there is that good patch. lol We all want those great patches lol

97? good gravy. we have a storm front and it chilled up the air. When your weather is better those trips sound fantastic!!!

 

[framing fowl]

Hang tough Tanks. Lots of us going through a shift in priorities and changing seasons right now. That's okay, it's part of life. Sometimes we have to let go of some things in order to reach for others. That's where DH and I are right now.