The Difference Between "Broke" and "We Can't Afford It"

[JRmom]

We all have our own personal reasons for striving towards SS. One of my reasons is to put a little more money in my pocket. This has extended to saving money in other areas as well (not going out to eat very often, not buying new clothes just because I can, etc.). Basically, getting off the consumer merry-go-round. We are also trying to save for a new (used) truck. So our friends have been hearing a lot of "we can't afford it" from us. Unfortunately, they have taken this to mean "we are broke". One friend actually had the gall to ask me recently why I am "allowing" my husband to pay tithes to a charity, when we have other needs. WTH???? I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

We are choosing to not afford (fill in the blank). My SS attempts aren't driven solely by money, but more by a feeling of "this is the right lifestyle for me". Anyone else dealing with this issue? I'm a very private person with my feelings and reasons for doing the things I do, so it's hard for me to try and explain the SS thing, especially to people who have no ambition whatsoever to be more self-reliant.

God, I wish I could have come back with a snarky reply over the tithes remark!

 

[FarmerChick]

lol

yea just by saying "we can't afford it" translates to many as you are broke.

just change the way you state your facts-----say----We do not wish to spend our money on that....we want other things. That way they kno wyour not broke, just wish to spend your money in a different direction...lol

nah, don't worry about it. I sure wouldn't.

I always say---not spending on that, I want cash to go on my vacations, they are more important to me than X (fill in the blank) lol

that way when I say no, I won't spend, everyone knows I am saving money for my vacations which are important vs. whatever material junk we are chatting about lol

and you sure don't need to explain your financials to anyone ya know. I could care less if people think "I am broke and poor and destitute or whatever" lol

 

[Dace]

Well when it is a choice, I prefer to say "we don't want to spend/waste money on that"

That makes a clearer distinction!

 

[tamlynn]

It was really tactless of your friend to criticize your charitable giving. IMO, tithes are extremely personal and nobody else's business.

Maybe instead of "we can't afford it" you could say "we are saving up for a truck."

 

[TanksHill]

I have to stop and correct myself quite often.. I sometimes say "we don't have any money" Which freaks my kids out. So I always try and replace it with "I am choosing not to spend money on that". Which they understand better.

They still want the TV back though...

g

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

or tell them you aint broke you just dont got any money

least ways.. thats what i say then they just stand there for a few minutes and wonder.
;-)

here is the thing. some people want someone ELSE to be doing worse so they feel better about themselves.

personally i would have told whoever that "i dont manage my husband" if they said why did i "let" him do this or that. sounds like they are unhappy in their own life and want you to jump on the "dump on your husband bandwagon."

chalk it up to "people are weird" and expect it to get worse before it gets better. sadly, once you get out of the buy-buy-buy lane folks get uncomfortable and dont know what to do.

i had a someone tell me that we were so poor we "had to eat a turkey out of the yard."

our house/car/everything is paid for and they just had to ditch their house that was in foreclosure.

and that turkey was darn good
;-)

 

[JRmom]

or tell them you aint broke you just dont got any money

least ways.. thats what i say then they just stand there for a few minutes and wonder.
;-)

here is the thing. some people want someone ELSE to be doing worse so they feel better about themselves.

personally i would have told whoever that "i dont manage my husband" if they said why did i "let" him do this or that. sounds like they are unhappy in their own life and want you to jump on the "dump on your husband bandwagon."

chalk it up to "people are weird" and expect it to get worse before it gets better. sadly, once you get out of the buy-buy-buy lane folks get uncomfortable and dont know what to do.

i had a someone tell me that we were so poor we "had to eat a turkey out of the yard."

our house/car/everything is paid for and they just had to ditch their house that was in foreclosure.

and that turkey was darn good
;-)

You got that right!

It's mostly my hubby who spouts the "we can't afford it" line - hmmm, need to give him another line to use.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

yep you'll come up with something to say but really - try not to be offended.

they used to give my hubby a hard time at work about our "little farming thing" until he started bringing in meals that we 'grew.' then they all started swimming around.. and then the economy got worse - there was a line of folks asking our advice.

so give them a shrug the big WHATever and go along your merry way.

 

[Henrietta23]

I get it all the time. I'm "spending all this money to feed all these animals" but drive a '94 Volvo that was given to me. Most people I know simply don't get it. I pay for my son to go to a private school, shop at Whole Foods instead of Walmart for my groceries, but don't have a big house, new car, vacation every year. They don't understand that I don't have those things because not only do I not need them, I don't want them.

 

[Beekissed]

I always just tell them that I am only spending my money on things that really matter to me. That kind of takes it out of the "I'm too poor or I'm saving it up" into "It's my choice and I don't feel that is a worthy item on which to spend money."

That includes tithing and charitable giving, money spent on animals, etc. If I would rather my money go towards a good cause than to be spent on yet another meal out in a diner or on a worthless material object, it is clearly my choice and none of their beeswax!

It has really made people leave me alone about my money choices and also lets them know that what they want me to spend my money upon is not worthy to me in my current lifestyle.

Different strokes....and it DOES make people nervous when you swim upstream against the tide. So what? Their problem!