The Difference Between "Broke" and "We Can't Afford It"

[miss_thenorth]

I hear exactly where you are coming from.

People see what they want to see alot of the times, and will never know your situation, unless they walk in your shoes, which they will never do.

My favourite saying has always been--" I have much better things to spend my money on. "

 

[aggieterpkatie]

Just reading this thread. I'm also in the habit of "we can't afford it", but I really should switch over to "we're saving for something else/dont' want to spend money on that, etc." We also should make sure the kids hear that instead of "we can't afford it" because then they'll learn that you dont' have to spend money on junk, and it's better to be very particular about what you should spend money on.

And why do I always feel guilty for not wanting to spend money like other people? Like it'll make me less of a person if I tell someone I can't do such and such activity with them because I'd rather not spend my money on it? It's silly really.

 

[rebecca100]

I personally don't care if people think we are poor. I grew up poor and still am poor. As in below poverty line poor. We made $30,000 last year. There are 5 of us and the only reason we made that much is we leased mineral rights which added an extra 3,000. Yet we own almost everything and have 2 different properties and a backhoe 2 running cars and 2 running pickups. Granted they are old. The pickups are both 80's. But the car is an 06 Mercury. We pay 200 a month for it, plus ins., utilities, groceries, gas and such. We do not get food stamps or recieve any help. Since dh got his new job though, he seems to think that since we don't HAVE to be frugal that he can spend money on whatever takes his fancy. He has spent more money in the last 2 weeks than we used to make in an entire month , and on electronics! Smart phone, mobile broadband and laptop that kind of stuff. And he keep forgetting the important stuff, like bills. Somehow at the end of the month we are just as broke as we were before. I have been trying to figure out how to get him to give me the money to pay tithes, since I think we should be grateful for this new job and the money we are recieving from it. I actually thought about using our grocery money to do it, which is probably what I am going to do. When I say we can't afford it I really mean it, but it doesn't bother me any since it is the truth.

 

[TanksHill]

Rebeca you need to write all you bills down and show your dh. Explain to him that you want to build up some savings as well as be able to buy nice things. A good rule of thumb is 50,30,20.

50% to needs
30% to wants (for me this includes tv and car gas)
and 20% to savings.

Your tithe could come from the savings and you will still be saving a bit. His items would come from the wants.

It's not a perfect system but a good guide line.

One good thing to come out of this whole recession thing.... Choosing to say "we don't want to buy" instead of "we can't". My kids are so much more aware of the value of money now. They ask how much things cost and weigh their options.

I think our children are going to be very smart about money when they grow up. Appreciating things much more and making great decisions.

g

 

[mandieg4]

My 8yo son has made me think twice about how I talk about money. He wanted to go to the movies one day and I told him that I don't have any money right now. A couple hours later I ran to the grocery store and bought $30 worth of groceries and filled the car up with gas. The rest of the day he was so mad at me and I couldn't figure out why. Finally he told me he was upset that I lied to him because I had told him I didn't have any money. So I sat him down and explained what a budget was and how sometime even if there is money in the bank I still can't afford to spend it however I would like. Now I try really hard to say "I don't have the money budgeted for that right now"

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

And why do I always feel guilty for not wanting to spend money like other people? Like it'll make me less of a person if I tell someone I can't do such and such activity with them because I'd rather not spend my money on it? It's silly really.

no, baby its not silly. its a tough one but once you get in the groove it will pass.

it helps if you see enough foolish people loose their house and you are still in yours. the people who have 'talked down' the most to me are the folks who come home from vacation without one dime for grocery money.

and once you stop sending money on stupid stuff you realize how much you have for what matters. its hard to show this off on facebook, but you'll know in your heart and thats good enough.

it also helps if you stop watching tv! ha!
;-)

 

[ranchhand]

Yep. I say "that's not part of our budget plan right now."

Should someone have the gall to ask about our income I just look amazed and say "WHY would you want to know THAT!" That usually puts an end to that subject and I move on to something else.

Should someone tell us/me that we should eat out occasionally I tell them I spent too many years in restaurant kitchens and that I prefer the safe, clean food that comes from my own kitchen. Then I say, oh nevermind, I wasn't implying that restaurant kitchens aren't clean and safe................... it's just that I have years of experience in them........

JRmom, your friend was out of line for not minding her own business. It was probably well meant, so maybe explain that you both agree to expenses in the household and that "we can't afford that" doesn't mean we are broke.

Then try out my line above.

 

[tortoise]

My 8yo son has made me think twice about how I talk about money. He wanted to go to the movies one day and I told him that I don't have any money right now. A couple hours later I ran to the grocery store and bought $30 worth of groceries and filled the car up with gas. The rest of the day he was so mad at me and I couldn't figure out why. Finally he told me he was upset that I lied to him because I had told him I didn't have any money. So I sat him down and explained what a budget was and how sometime even if there is money in the bank I still can't afford to spend it however I would like. Now I try really hard to say "I don't have the money budgeted for that right now"

Smart kid!

I agree that how you talk to kids about money can have a huge effect on them. My parents literally DID NOT have money. But for the same reason your son was angry, I felt unloved.

Only as an adult I can see how my parents really didn't have any spare money and just putting food on the table was an enormous challenge.

I need to decide how to talk to my son about those things. He is 3 and convinced he wants a pillow pet. Everytimes we see them, he talks about them and I will get one out and show him exactly what it is and what you can do with it. I remind him that he has a stuffed animal, that he has a pillow. I ask him what he would do with it. Well, one of those times he paused and said sort of quietly and wistfully, "well, I could just look at it."

We are comfortable but very, very cautious/frugal with money. Better to save now than suffer later!

I am hoping that I can show my son how to see a product for what it IS, rather than the ideas and dreams of what he could do with it.