What if DH/DW Couldn't?

[Mini Horses]

First. Assign chores/duties to DS
2ND. Address the knee pain. Try a brace or elastic support....if no help replacement. You can walk circles around you property, control what/when & amounts eaten. It should resolve your weight & pain. 3rd. Have DH cut out 1/3 of his prized possessions. Hoping for 20%

I've been without a partner for 25 yrs. Staying healthy and active is paramount. Don't wait! Today I've ripped out over 100' of old fence, some posts and pounded 12 in the ground. More to do. And I will!! You can handle this. Makes those men help!!

It's not always easy BUT -- I am woman!! Hear me roar!

 

[tortoise]

That's a hard conversation @murphysranch . I'm proud of you for speaking up.

 

[flowerbug]

...
I said these things so that son would hear it too. He doesn't do anything unless asked.
...
Hubs was gone fishing for three days this week and son didn't even do the dishes.
...
I'm on my second week of bronchitis and hacking all the time. Yet, son has remarked that he would sure love to inherit this place someday. Yeah, right bud. You don't lift a finger.
...

old habits are hard to break, but clearly you are on the right track here.

perhaps in the past you were the one who did everything for everyone and that is what they are used to.

make clear your expectations and hope that things will change. keep at it.

 

[murphysranch]

You are exactly right. I did do everything and I had a housekeeper for a few years that came twice a month. No wonder neither of my kids will clean a toilet.

Thank you, Mini - you are a great example. And Tortoise - well, you know the difficulties and I'm not even chronically ill!

 

[tortoise]

Thank you, Mini - you are a great example. And Tortoise - well, you know the difficulties and I'm not even chronically ill!

I'm waiting for @baymule to talk you into care for your knee.

 

[Mini Horses]

@murphysranch I'm just preaching the need to look out for "you"...we just never know the day we are a single again. Then, life MUST go on for you. Look hard at where you live, any adjustments to help move about and look after you, your needs.

This farm and these animals are my thing, so I work at keeping it going. Help would be fantastic & sometimes I get it....mostly not. I always have an "out" -- sell! Until then, nope I just keep at it. When my kids ask "why?", it's so you don't have to take care of me. I'm very independent. Very self providing. My attitude is that I can, & will, provide, care for & defend myself. Ageing isn't for the faint of heart.

Stay active, stay healthy!!

Lunch is over. Need to go stretch and nail to posts. Just rolled out and stood up 175' of goat fence. Temp tied to posts until I get there to stretch and finish. My tractor awaits garden work next.

 

[FarmerJamie]

So I get only 1-2 days of any chance of help per week. I am so frustrated. Laying out just little tasks, such as go through this box of old bills and I will shred everything never gets done.

For the southern women here, I wanted to check my life experiences interacting with those from the US South. Does "I'm fixin' to" really directly translate to "I'm not doing it now, maybe later, and I hope you forget about it"?

I am convinced the wife is suffering from depression, we know she has anxiety. My motivation is dropping through the floor.

 

[Hinotori]

So I get only 1-2 days of any chance of help per week. I am so frustrated. Laying out just little tasks, such as go through this box of old bills and I will shred everything never gets done.

For the southern women here, I wanted to check my life experiences interacting with those from the US South. Does "I'm fixin' to" really directly translate to "I'm not doing it now, maybe later, and I hope you forget about it"?

I am convinced the wife is suffering from depression, we know she has anxiety. My motivation is dropping through the floor.

It does sound like depression. The need to see a doctor type because it's messing with life. Meds may help but there can be many causes of it. Trying to figure out the cause can be tough.

Took decades but found out mine was caused by low vitamin D because I had a doctor who absolutely wanted my labs to be better so had me taking high doses. I'm pretty certain that's the cause of depression that many in my family have had. They all have had low D levels even though they live in the desert.

 

[murphysranch]

I have had depression for over 20 years. I was high functioning and successful in my career. Been taking Citalopram. But lately, I'm toast. Burnt toast.

So much so, I tried to reach out for help via my PA and medicare. There was one person referred, and when we spoke, she has a very busy practice, only works part time on Thursdays and Fridays, doesn't have an office per se anymore, booked out months, blah blah...

So two weeks ago, as I laid around heading to ground zero, I got out my credit card and signed up with BetterHelp dot com. I got a discount for my first month due to referring A Charming Abode youtuber gal.

I've had two video sessions. Its like a 10 lb weight has been lifted so far.

I cannot spend the rest of my life like this. I might have 20 years left of living, and I want to LIVE, not wallow in self pity and lack of motivation to do ANYTHING.

There is more. Prob TMI but maybe I'm supposed to get better by therapy and helping others who are walking beside me in my depths.

 

[Mini Horses]

@murphysranch it's great you even knew to seek out help. Often that is the prime stumbling block -- acknowledging you have an issue. With that said, you can lead a horse to water but.... I commend you for your own tenacity to find good help!

Often vit/min deficiency is a factor, just as balanced meals & sleep can be. Then there's "just don't want to do" from habit. Exercise, a spark of interest...yep, one feeds the other. A long time sedentary life has less desire to become involved in " fresh air" activities where the desire to do things are often born.

Our minds can put us where we don't always want to be. Often a working background makes us look for more solutions.