What is wrong with kids today - or What comes after TWO?

[big brown horse]

Farmfresh, that is why I am a huge believer in a parent being a parent and NOT a friend!!

Kids need boundaries and rules, actually they crave them but don't know it. Boundaries make them feel safer, even if they complain about them.

 

[Farmfresh]

Amen sister!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

You know when your computer acts up and doesn't do what you want it to do? What do you do? You reboot.

Kids come with reboot options, too.

eta: In our house, there is no counting. We tell you once, if you don't listen, you get either a corner, loss of priveleges, or a swat on the butt.

 

[Farmfresh]

I approve of all of those things.

In this instance all she needed to do was reach out and take his little hand.

 

[big brown horse]

I hate when parents allow arguing! I told my daughter she could ask civil questions to understand why I am saying NO etc. BUT not argue with me about the issue. There is a differnce. The answer she knows will still be NO but she will understand why better. She is almost 13 and NEVER argues with me.

 

[Farmfresh]

 

[redhen]

My garden is in the backyard, as are a lot of other peoples gardens. This means my garden space is backed directly up to several other backyards. Sometimes when I am out working in the garden I get little glimpses of other peoples lives. Mind you I am not trying to be noisy; I am just trying to do a little weeding.

Well today I saw a very interesting little display while picking my berries. A mother went out into her backyard with her little boy. The child could not have been more than 3 years old. The mother was just stepping out the door to get something she left on the deck, but as soon as he was out of the door the little boy made a beeline for the outdoor kiddy pool. Then the drama ensued.

No, no stay out of the water. the mother said. And the little child completely ignored her.

Come on now we are going to go back in and watch a movie. You can swim later.

I want to swim now. says the child now in the middle of the pool not three feet from where the mother was standing.

No, not now. You get out of the water this minute. Do you hear me? Get out right now or you are going to be in big trouble. The child laughs and splashes away in the water.

I mean it you get out of the water right now. I am not playing. (This message is then repeated about six times with varying vocal tones ranging from sincerely earnest to big bad wolf) Meanwhile the child still three feet from parent happily plays away.

Time to be serious and get some results... so, now the mother changes tactics.

I mean it! You are getting a spanking young man! Get out of that water NOW! One ... TWO! ... Still the child plays on, even going so far as to splash water on the mother.

I just knew the jig was up and that any minute I would see the mother step forward and take the child out of the water. I was wrong.

I mean it! You get out of the water this minute. Do you hear me? Get out right now or you are going to be in big trouble. Get out of that water NOW! One ... TWO! ...

Are you kidding ME! What happened to three?

The child was now beginning to laugh at the mother and even starting to back talk. I am not getting out. You cant get in the water. Ha, ha!

The spectacle wore on. I begin to keep track. That mother counted in her maddest mother voice, One ... TWO! ... and repeated the demands EIGHT times. Eight! I was about to go over the pool and lift the kid out myself when finally she did it - she took ACTION. The mother stepped forward into the pool! At that moment the child dashed out of the pool and across the yard. Ha, ha, you are in the water now! I thought there would surely be more counting, but I guess the child was done in the pool and ready for his movie. He streaked past the mother and into the house. The mother stepped out of the pool and calmly followed him inside.

I stood in amaze. There was no need for shouting. No need for demands. No need for spanking or counting. All the mother needed to do was reach her hand out and take her childs hand.

As it was this child was totally in charge. He said that he wanted to play in the pool and that is exactly what he did. His mother might as well have closed her mouth and taken a chair. All of the threats and counting to two did absolutely no good. A little action and consistency was all that was needed. The sad end to this story is that when a parent has a 3 year old that is this out of control, what happens when the child is 10 ... or worse yet, 16?

Just remember when it comes to your child actions DO speak louder than words. You dont need violence or threats just a consistent gentle hand to guide them. Oh and remember ... the number three comes after two!

Bravo! I could not agree more! Then these same parents dont know why little johnny wont respect her when he turns 16...

 

[redhen]

Unfortunately I have seen the results of parenting of this kind.

I worked at an alternative school (school for kids who could not make it in regular schools) for 9 years. I worked in a middle school classroom. We "wrapped" kids - which means they stayed in the same classroom for 6, 7, and 8th grade then moved to the next class. That gives you time to build a relationship with a hard to reach kid. It is an idea that works and we had many successes.

Since leaving that school for another job 4 years ago, I have some statistics to report. Of the kids that I personally worked with 6 are now in prison for committing murder and another 6 are dead. That does not include those children now young adults that are in jail for other crimes. Sad statistics indeed.

After two comes three ... and consequences result from your actions. Why can't people seem to learn that stuff.

Bravo again! I also work with this population. I'm a treatment foster parent for high risk teens. Ugh! i SO know what you mean! And as a matter of fact one of my very first foster sons that i ever had just commited suicide in prision. One of the most important things i try to teach my kids is that you WILL be held responsible for your actions in my house. Each and EVERY time. JUst like you would be held responsible in the real world.

 

[big brown horse]

That is really sad redhen!

 

[Farmfresh]

One of my boys was a genius. No kidding. Tall, cute with a full head of bright red hair. He played the flute like a professional. He was always kind to the little kids. He graduated despite being raised by a single parent who spent half his childhood in jail. He had little siblings at home and when he was working at his job he gave most of the money to them by buying their clothes and things they needed. I really loved that kid.

He got caught in the middle of a friends drug deal gone wrong. The casket was closed. A shotgun in the belly at close range. He was 19.