What is wrong with kids today - or What comes after TWO?

[Quail_Antwerp]

Giving a kid options in life when picking out a toy or doll is one thing

Ah! this reminds me of a shopping experience I had with DS1. We were at (of course) Walmart...the toy department at Walmart is just pure evil. We only had the oldest 3 kiddos at the time, and kid 3 was a new baby, maybe 9 weeks old?

Anyway, DD was 4 and DS1 was 2. I had told them going in if they behaved, held onto the cart like they were supposed to, and didn't touch anything, I would allow them to something.

Now when we tell the kids this, which isn't often, we usually give them the choice of either an aritcle of clothing or a small toy. They don't get to run the aisle's and get what they want. More often than not the older kids choose the clothing, the younger choose the toy.

On this particular occassion, I limited the kids to a small $2 toy, no clothing option. I was trying to stick within my budget for the day. DS refused to accept that he couldn't get the huge $10 car he wanted. I offered him several other options that fit in with the budget, and he kept saying no.

I told him you either get the $2 toy, or no toy. He still refused, so I took him to the check out with no toy. Once we're at the check out, it's too late, we don't go back. All the way through the check out he's crying, out the door, he's crying.

Halfway across the parking lot he looks up at me and screams, "I WANT THAT TOY!" I'd never heard sooooo much anger come out of one little body. When we got to the car I picked him up, spanked his bottom, and then strapped him in his carseat. I didn't care WHO saw it....NO child of mine will ever scream at or talk to me in the manner he did!

I've never had a problem since, either, with any of our kids accepting the options we give them at a store.

I will be honest, though, his reaction to not getting a toy was so startling, I was shaking!

 

[FarmerChick]

Giving a kid options in life when picking out a toy or doll is one thing

Ah! this reminds me of a shopping experience I had with DS1. We were at (of course) Walmart...the toy department at Walmart is just pure evil. We only had the oldest 3 kiddos at the time, and kid 3 was a new baby, maybe 9 weeks old?

Anyway, DD was 4 and DS1 was 2. I had told them going in if they behaved, held onto the cart like they were supposed to, and didn't touch anything, I would allow them to something.

Now when we tell the kids this, which isn't often, we usually give them the choice of either an aritcle of clothing or a small toy. They don't get to run the aisle's and get what they want. More often than not the older kids choose the clothing, the younger choose the toy.

On this particular occassion, I limited the kids to a small $2 toy, no clothing option. I was trying to stick within my budget for the day. DS refused to accept that he couldn't get the huge $10 car he wanted. I offered him several other options that fit in with the budget, and he kept saying no.

I told him you either get the $2 toy, or no toy. He still refused, so I took him to the check out with no toy. Once we're at the check out, it's too late, we don't go back. All the way through the check out he's crying, out the door, he's crying.

Halfway across the parking lot he looks up at me and screams, "I WANT THAT TOY!" I'd never heard sooooo much anger come out of one little body. When we got to the car I picked him up, spanked his bottom, and then strapped him in his carseat. I didn't care WHO saw it....NO child of mine will ever scream at or talk to me in the manner he did!

I've never had a problem since, either, with any of our kids accepting the options we give them at a store.

I will be honest, though, his reaction to not getting a toy was so startling, I was shaking!

Now I am trying to teach Nicole real money value. Hard for her to grasp, but working on it...LOL..have too, kid is putting me in the poorhouse and I can't go there!!!!!

yea they all have the fit! LOL--funny to see how they assert themselves, too bad we have to squash it, but I sure do! Ahhh, kids, we sure have to teach them!

 

[noobiechickenlady]

I was at a store once with my oldest. He was about 3 at the time. Some kid was having a total meltdown. He wanted something and instead of just saying no, this idiot of a parent spent 20 minutes while going through the isles trying to have her kid accept and like the fact that she wasn't getting a box of cereal he wanted. Finally the kid just had a tantrum (I would guess he was 3 also).

I looked at my son and said "If you ever act like that is a store, I will beat you in front of everyone, and no, I wont feel one bit bad about it. And if I say no I mean no. If you argue with me you will NEVER get what you want. EVER."

You know what? I never had a problem with my oldest in a store

So many parents do not want to say no and try to be their kid's buddy instead of being the parent. I wish I could say this was just a younger generation thing, but I know a 55 year old with teens that is doing the same thing. And she wonders why her son is in trouble with the law.

I threw 1, count it, ONE tantrum when I was young. We were in a department store and of course, I wanted something I couldn't have. My mother very calmly beat the tar out of me in front of God and everyone with her leather purse strap. I wasn't injured or physically hurt, but I never, ever did it again.

I have a tendency to applaud those parents I see out who are actually, really disciplining their kids in love, no matter what method they use. Or at least give them a nod and smile. There really is too much of the 1...2...2-1/2... And once the habit is set for letting a kid slide or backtalk or argue, its much more difficult to get them back on the straight & narrow. And its not so much the method employed (spanking, grounding, stern looks, counting) as it is about being consistent. If X happens, Y is the result, always.

 

[FarmerChick]

I was at a store once with my oldest. He was about 3 at the time. Some kid was having a total meltdown. He wanted something and instead of just saying no, this idiot of a parent spent 20 minutes while going through the isles trying to have her kid accept and like the fact that she wasn't getting a box of cereal he wanted. Finally the kid just had a tantrum (I would guess he was 3 also).

I looked at my son and said "If you ever act like that is a store, I will beat you in front of everyone, and no, I wont feel one bit bad about it. And if I say no I mean no. If you argue with me you will NEVER get what you want. EVER."

You know what? I never had a problem with my oldest in a store

So many parents do not want to say no and try to be their kid's buddy instead of being the parent. I wish I could say this was just a younger generation thing, but I know a 55 year old with teens that is doing the same thing. And she wonders why her son is in trouble with the law.

I threw 1, count it, ONE tantrum when I was young. We were in a department store and of course, I wanted something I couldn't have. My mother very calmly beat the tar out of me in front of God and everyone with her leather purse strap. I wasn't injured or physically hurt, but I never, ever did it again.

I have a tendency to applaud those parents I see out who are actually, really disciplining their kids in love, no matter what method they use. Or at least give them a nod and smile. There really is too much of the 1...2...2-1/2... And once the habit is set for letting a kid slide or backtalk or argue, its much more difficult to get them back on the straight & narrow. And its not so much the method employed (spanking, grounding, stern looks, counting) as it is about being consistent. If X happens, Y is the result, always.

you said it, consistency. know the boundaries and kids will stick to them

 

[big brown horse]

Honestly I think that is the most important word consisntancy. Once you master that everything else follows. If you establish consistancy in the beginning you have a pretty easy job as a parent. And it is acutally fun to be a parent to a nice, well behaved and considerate child.

 

[2dream]

My kids normally did not throw temper tantrums in stores nor argue with me as the results were usually something they did not want to deal with.

I do remember one day my son questioned me and pleaded with me for a pair of tennis shoes. We were shoe shopping for him and he knew before we left the house that there was a 25 dollar limit. (We are talking over 20 years ago). $25 was and still is a lot of money.
He wanted a $110.00 pair of shoes. I am looking at him like he has lost his mind. what 10 year old needs a $110.00 pair of shoes. After his "I am always good, never any trouble, helpful, do my chores" trying to guilt me into the purchase talk. I totally agreed with him. Handed him the $25.00 dollars I had planned to spend on shoes and told him he could have any pair of shoes he wanted. All he had to do was come up with the difference on what I had to spend and what he wanted. He sticks the money in his pocket and we leave.
2 weeks later we are in the store to purchase the shoes of his dreams. He cut grass for neighbors, washed windows, and anything else he could find to do. After we arrived he looked at those shoes and then shopped around. He ended up spending $38.00 on a pair of shoes he liked ok. The rest of the money was his to spend as he saw fit. It took him months to spend that money. (Note): He is still at age 33 a tight fisted frugal shopper).

 

[Beekissed]

Excellent story!!!

 

[big brown horse]

Yup that is a great story! Smart kid!

 

[noobiechickenlady]

Nothing like an object lesson is there?

 

[2dream]

Well now I can fess up. As much as that worked on my son. My DD was a totally different story. She is 6 years younger than my son and never learned the lessons. That same story would apply to her and clothing. Except with her she just put the money in her pocket and never purchased the clothes. That child would wear whatever, wherever with no care what so ever as to how she looked. If it was to tight she did not care. If I made her stay at home and not go with us she was fine with that. If I made her wear her ratty to tight clothes and go anyway she was fine with that. I soon learned that I just bought her clothes and never gave her the choice.
Today, she is frugal but still does not care how she dresses or what her clothing looks like. It drives me up a wall.
(note) Her shoes have to look good. LOL Who knows why when her jeans have holes and rag tags hangin off them and her tee shirts are stained and ripped. But dangit - her shoes are nice.