Timely message. This winter has gotten us so wrapped up in our own lives and exhaustion that we aren't paying attention to the important things. I called my parents the other day and they didn't pick up. I have to call them again.
What's most important in life (Warning, very emotional)
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Denim Deb
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SD, and that's one thing that I fear for my brother, that he'll blame himself. But quite honestly, if it was the medication, there may not have been anything they could have done. And, that's one reason I don't like to take any new meds. Too often, I feel like my heart is racing. You always assume that you'll be OK, and Bonnie probably felt that way.
Yesterday, I did probably what was the hardest thing in my life to date. KN called me while they were all still at the hospital. When Bonnie collapsed, she messed herself. She asked me if I could go clean it up. And, since there was no way I wanted my brother or the girls to have to do that when they got home, and I knew it would even be harder for anyone in Bonnie's family to do so, I went. There was a large pile of trash left from the EMTs along w/the mess. It was hard for me to clean it all up. But, for my brother's sake, I'm glad I did. He was extremely grateful not to find that when he got home.
Right now, I have my moments when I'm fine. Bonnie had RA and diabetes. She was the kind that was more inclined to use meds than diet to "fix" it. I had hoped to be able to find diet stuff on here to pass on to her in the hopes that it would help her. Now, I picture her walking around heaven w/no pain, no walker, maybe even doing cartwheels, and I'm happy for her. The sorrow comes for those left behind.
Yesterday, I did probably what was the hardest thing in my life to date. KN called me while they were all still at the hospital. When Bonnie collapsed, she messed herself. She asked me if I could go clean it up. And, since there was no way I wanted my brother or the girls to have to do that when they got home, and I knew it would even be harder for anyone in Bonnie's family to do so, I went. There was a large pile of trash left from the EMTs along w/the mess. It was hard for me to clean it all up. But, for my brother's sake, I'm glad I did. He was extremely grateful not to find that when he got home.
Right now, I have my moments when I'm fine. Bonnie had RA and diabetes. She was the kind that was more inclined to use meds than diet to "fix" it. I had hoped to be able to find diet stuff on here to pass on to her in the hopes that it would help her. Now, I picture her walking around heaven w/no pain, no walker, maybe even doing cartwheels, and I'm happy for her. The sorrow comes for those left behind.
i_am2bz
Lovin' The Homestead
I'm so sorry, Deb. Prayers sent for you & your family.
I can understand how you feel. I think we've all been guilty of being "too busy" at one time or another. We always think there will be "another time."
I can understand how you feel. I think we've all been guilty of being "too busy" at one time or another. We always think there will be "another time."
Marianne
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Thinking of you...
Farmfresh
City Biddy
What an awesome person you are Deb! You are always so strong and thinking so much for others. 
I am glad to call you friend.
I am glad to call you friend. savingdogs
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What a kind thing that you did for your brother, Deb. I'm sure coming home to the house like that would have been more than he could bear. I'm sure it was awful for you as well, though.
Since you "quite honestly" feel it was the medication, I would find the time to express it in front of your brother, so he sees that others believe nothing could have been done, that it was not because he did not physically MAKE her go to the hospital. And it was HER choice, HER refusal. Not a choice he made. Men always think they need to "fix" everything and I'm sure he will think he should have fixed it. I don't know him but that is the "guy" way. It must come from their silly testosterone.
Obviously your SIL had many health issues which must have contributed to her demise. Your brother (or anyone else) need not add to their grief by adding guilt.
I want you to work on ridding your mind of the picture of that home that you cleaned up. That is not how SIL wants to be remembered. Try to detach that moment from your mind and throw it somewhere you never look again, until you meet again with God and he reminds you what a fine thing you did.
Since you "quite honestly" feel it was the medication, I would find the time to express it in front of your brother, so he sees that others believe nothing could have been done, that it was not because he did not physically MAKE her go to the hospital. And it was HER choice, HER refusal. Not a choice he made. Men always think they need to "fix" everything and I'm sure he will think he should have fixed it. I don't know him but that is the "guy" way. It must come from their silly testosterone.
Obviously your SIL had many health issues which must have contributed to her demise. Your brother (or anyone else) need not add to their grief by adding guilt.
I want you to work on ridding your mind of the picture of that home that you cleaned up. That is not how SIL wants to be remembered. Try to detach that moment from your mind and throw it somewhere you never look again, until you meet again with God and he reminds you what a fine thing you did.
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Denim Deb
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I saw my brother today, and he's in shock still. He got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. But, everyone is saying the same thing, we all believe it was something w/the meds. I'm hearing all kinds of stories, so I'm not really sure of exactly what happened. She was on several different meds, and there's the possibility that there was some kind of interaction, that she may have been supposed to stop the one med, and the doctor didn't tell her. I may never know the truth of it. And, she had just decided that she should go to the hospital when she collapsed. She was gone b4 the ambulance got there.
I don't recall now whether or not I posted that today is my sister's birthday. I called to wish her a happy birthday, but it was hard. Needless to say, our conversation was more on what happened than on her. She'll be coming down later in the week. It's highly unlikely though, that my other brother will be able to make it. But, he was already planning on coming later in the year, so we'll see him then.
I don't recall now whether or not I posted that today is my sister's birthday. I called to wish her a happy birthday, but it was hard. Needless to say, our conversation was more on what happened than on her. She'll be coming down later in the week. It's highly unlikely though, that my other brother will be able to make it. But, he was already planning on coming later in the year, so we'll see him then.
BarredBuff
El Presidente de Pollo
Here is another hug for you and family ......
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Denim Deb
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I'm not strong. I was only able to do this thru the strength of the Lord. If I had had my way, I would have not gone near the house. I was dreading it the whole time. But, things that I cannot handle on my own, I know I can do all things thru Christ, who strengthens me.Farmfresh said:What an awesome person you are Deb! You are always so strong and thinking so much for others.
rebecca100
Almost Self-Reliant
My mom had congestive heart failure. I was working nights when she died. I got where I didn't come over very often. I had been briefly at her house the day before and she had wanted to go through seed catalogs with me. That was always "our" time together and we couldn't wait to get the first one in. It was always a special time for us to go through the catalogs together. She had recieved it, but I told her that I was too tired and would do it tomorrow. I saw that she was dissappointed. The next day I had had a hard night at work and was too tired to even visit like I had promised. I slept all day and never even called. That night as I was getting ready for work I recieved a call that she was in the er. That was common so I wasn't all that worried. As I got to work I put up my food, and headed to the emergency room to visit her. I was shocked to see everyone gathered around her trying frantically to save her. The door was open to her room and one of the er nurses saw me staring in shock and not knowing it was my mother she slammed the door. I knew a couple of the other nurses there and one of them brought me inside. They had stopped, and the doctor who I also knew not only from working there, but from the frequent er visits with my mom, just shook his head. He looked like he was about to cry. They had gotten her breathing, but but just barely. He said something about there wasn't much they could do that her heart was failing. They took her to a room. I was in shock and I don't remember if I was crying or not. At some point dh had left to go get my dad and had returned. I went to the room and saw my mom who was not responsive. After that I went to tell my charge nurse that I wouldn't be in. When I got back to her room she was gone. I was still in shock and don't think I was crying, but when I saw my dad I tried to tell him she was gone, but I couldn't make the words leave my mouth. Dh told him for me. He refused to believe it. At that point I just lost it and broke down. I have lived with the guilt that I dissapointed her and broke my promise for a long time. WHen dad got sick I made sure I was there for him no matter what. I took him fishing, yardsaling or just driving and I called daily. I couldn't bear the thought of what happened happening again.
