You have GOT to be kidding me............

[ToLiveToLaugh]

From what I remember that article was from the UK? (I could be wrong) but things are different there. Unfortunately a lot of pre-teens are sexually active in the UK, and there, as my memory serves me from growing up there over the summers, seems to be an urgent need to grow up. Kids go through the school system faster and earlier in the UK and a lot of them are responsible for themselves a lot earlier than we are here. Most parents woulidn't dare think of leaving their kids home alone at 9 or 10, but when I was a kid and my cousins were young, it was very normal. I remember being in a shopping centre in my parents hometown in England and seeing a kid, who couldn't have been much older than 7, yabbering away on his cellphone. I didn't have a cellphone until I was 14, and I only had it because my parents couldn't be home all the time and I needed it for safety purposes.

BBH, I can't say I paid much attention to the media-frenzy surrounding beauty and sex appeal when I was in high school (not so long ago, I graduated in 2007). I never wore makeup, and I rarely do now. I know for *some* girls there was a certain pressure around looking beautiful and being the best at everything and that sex appeal but they were mainly in the more "popular" groups of girls. I was far from popular, and I wasn't thin and skinny either (still am not!). I think also that kids in a sense choose to be influenced by popular media by the way they dress, what music they listen to, etc. I primarily listened to bands like the beatles, and some rock and punk/ska. I wore very conservative clothing and covered up well. Whereas girls I knew who bought into the rap/hip hop and pop culture dressed like they did, skimpy and barely wearing anything. Most parents would be surprised to find out how much their kids music preference affects their sex life, sex appeal/(clothing).


I love love love the Dove Self-Esteem campain, if anyone has seen the commercials for it..

I also love the dove self esteem campaign. As an aside, we graduated the same year.

I am curious, though, isn't the UK much more open about sex ed? I wonder how that relates to the early sexual activity, or if that could be attributed to the big cities and urban feel, which is strongly connected to "growing up too fast"?

 

[On Our own]

The one thing that struck me about this was: how many men/boys will buy a product that is known as a "smaller" product??

 

[miss_thenorth]

I was friends with a girl when I was young named Sadie. Sadie lived up the road from me in a very middle-class, suburban home, 2 kids and a dog, kind of area. She was one of 4 girls in a very religious dutch family. They went to church every Sunday (and I went with them until I was about 10), and all read from the bible every evening before bed. The girls weren't allowed to do anything at all, the parents were quite restrictive and religious. Once they all started hitting middle school, they started going downhill. Their parents had taught abstinence and only that, no real education and I hate to say it, but our school system is awful about teaching sexual education. They have diagrams from the 50s, and up until recently they didn't teach much other than "OMG DON'T DO IT, you'll rot and get all these STI's" etc. Danielle, had 2 kids by the time she was done high school (second eldest daughter), Shannon had a falling out with her parents and moved away at the age of 16, she had kids later after getting married (eldest daughter), Jessica was a pot head throughout high school, did a lot of drugs, got really wasted, .. didn't get pregnant. Sadie, however, the youngest had a kid at 17. Gorgeous little girl. Sadie was and is still into drugs, she's a "punk" faux-skinhead, and lives in a small apartment downtown with a bunch of friends. Her parents take care of her now 4 year old daughter.

I just think that, IMO, her parents let them all down by not talking to them about sex. They believed only in marriage and then sex, and it totally backfired.

I'll place money on it that she was dutch and Christian Reformed. That was me. Old school dutch parents who were born in Holland and rasied here. My parents though, did not preach abstinence, I think they might have mentioned it once in passing that sex was for marriage, it was never discussed past that point. Nothing was. My sis and i were never encouraged to pursue sports, were not allowed to date, yadda yadda. My sis was a straight arrow all through high school. She married her first boyfriend. Me, I was somewhat rebellious, and low self esteem, --what Tolivetolaugh said. I dabbled in drugs for most of highschool. I was screaming for attention. I was very lucky that i came out unscathed--no diseases, no pregnancies, and I was very blessed to meet my husband. I renewed my faith in God, and now my job is to raise the best kids I possibly can for Him.
So looking back on how I was raised, what choices I made and why I made them, I am taking all precautions to make sure that my kids don't go through what i did. I have been very honest with them about everything. We have a very open dialogue. this might sound naive, but I am not going to talk out of both sides of my mouth, as in--don't have sex. but if youdo, use condoms. We have discussed all about protection, and we have talked about making good decisions regarding sex. While both of my children are still relatively young, they have strong faith in God, and they both (at least my son, since my dd is still young and sex is far from her mind) agree that sex should wait. I have talked with my son that if he ever has any urges in the future about having sex, that he come to talk to me. And we will take it from there. Then there will be discussions . But that is way in the future, as right now, he is more interested in his dirtbike and sports.

Raising my kids is ajob that I take very seriously, and as I said before, I only get one chance to raise them right. So far, I think I am doing a great job.

Of course, time will tell, but as for now, we are all in a good spot, and hope to stay that way.

This is my personal opinion so take it for what it's worth, but I think parents who give their kids condoms, thinking their job is done--are taking the easy way out. Remember my sons friend--the one who's mom gave him the condom? She got pregnant with him out of wedlock. She gets child support form the boy's father, and the father has never seen the son. Is that the life she wants for her son? Parenting, open discussions, pros and cons of premarital sex talks should be going on. there are many many benefits of waiting to have sex with the partner you love. Not many benefits of having premarital sex, except getting your rocks off, but then many other not so good things can accompany it.Like I said, just my two cents.

 

[lupinfarm]

I was friends with a girl when I was young named Sadie. Sadie lived up the road from me in a very middle-class, suburban home, 2 kids and a dog, kind of area. She was one of 4 girls in a very religious dutch family. They went to church every Sunday (and I went with them until I was about 10), and all read from the bible every evening before bed. The girls weren't allowed to do anything at all, the parents were quite restrictive and religious. Once they all started hitting middle school, they started going downhill. Their parents had taught abstinence and only that, no real education and I hate to say it, but our school system is awful about teaching sexual education. They have diagrams from the 50s, and up until recently they didn't teach much other than "OMG DON'T DO IT, you'll rot and get all these STI's" etc. Danielle, had 2 kids by the time she was done high school (second eldest daughter), Shannon had a falling out with her parents and moved away at the age of 16, she had kids later after getting married (eldest daughter), Jessica was a pot head throughout high school, did a lot of drugs, got really wasted, .. didn't get pregnant. Sadie, however, the youngest had a kid at 17. Gorgeous little girl. Sadie was and is still into drugs, she's a "punk" faux-skinhead, and lives in a small apartment downtown with a bunch of friends. Her parents take care of her now 4 year old daughter.

I just think that, IMO, her parents let them all down by not talking to them about sex. They believed only in marriage and then sex, and it totally backfired.

This is my personal opinion so take it for what it's worth, but I think parents who give their kids condoms, thinking their job is done--are taking the easy way out. Remember my sons friend--the one who's mom gave him the condom? She got pregnant with him out of wedlock. She gets child support form the boy's father, and the father has never seen the son. Is that the life she wants for her son? Parenting, open discussions, pros and cons of premarital sex talks should be going on. there are many many benefits of waiting to have sex with the partner you love. Not many benefits of having premarital sex, except getting your rocks off, but then many other not so good things can accompany it.Like I said, just my two cents.

Yep, they were Christian Reformed and it's really a shame the girls' lives turned out. Danielle made something of herself in the end, she has a steady job, bought her first home this year, and she even finished high school after having her second kid. I think that was very brave of her, but she went through a very rough patch with having a kid, and doing the whole party scene. Sadie could have been a model, the girl is gorgeous and has these amazing vibrant green eyes, her daughter has the same eyes but blue.

I don't think that its right to just hand your kid a condom and expect them to know what to do and how to stay safe, and think your job is done there. Obviously we should be stressing kids wait until they're older, but I don't think that sex after marriage is exactly a realistic idea. It never was, no matter how much we all want to believe life was different in the simpler times, people were still having sex before marriage despite how sinful it may have been. I mean, he's a bad example, but look at Henry the 8th, Elizabeth, etc. were all having sex well before marriage (and Elizabeth never did marry) despite being all quite devout people.

From the sounds of it you *are* a good parent, and your kids will chose when the time is right for them. I was never into the whole sex appeal thing when I was a kid the age of your kids, and I do think that these days there is much more pressure on young kids to act a certain way, dress with that sex-appeal (have you been in Lasenza Girl?! omg!!). I grew up when all the kids shopped at Northern Getaway! The only sexual influence we ever had was the Spice Girls lol. Now kids have Mylie Cyrus, and Hilary Duff, and The Jonas Brothers. All, IMO, extremely bad influences on a pre-teen audience. Thank heavens my brother listens to Nirvana, and The Beatles lol.

Parenting is a very personal thing.

 

[lupinfarm]

From what I remember that article was from the UK? (I could be wrong) but things are different there. Unfortunately a lot of pre-teens are sexually active in the UK, and there, as my memory serves me from growing up there over the summers, seems to be an urgent need to grow up. Kids go through the school system faster and earlier in the UK and a lot of them are responsible for themselves a lot earlier than we are here. Most parents woulidn't dare think of leaving their kids home alone at 9 or 10, but when I was a kid and my cousins were young, it was very normal. I remember being in a shopping centre in my parents hometown in England and seeing a kid, who couldn't have been much older than 7, yabbering away on his cellphone. I didn't have a cellphone until I was 14, and I only had it because my parents couldn't be home all the time and I needed it for safety purposes.

BBH, I can't say I paid much attention to the media-frenzy surrounding beauty and sex appeal when I was in high school (not so long ago, I graduated in 2007). I never wore makeup, and I rarely do now. I know for *some* girls there was a certain pressure around looking beautiful and being the best at everything and that sex appeal but they were mainly in the more "popular" groups of girls. I was far from popular, and I wasn't thin and skinny either (still am not!). I think also that kids in a sense choose to be influenced by popular media by the way they dress, what music they listen to, etc. I primarily listened to bands like the beatles, and some rock and punk/ska. I wore very conservative clothing and covered up well. Whereas girls I knew who bought into the rap/hip hop and pop culture dressed like they did, skimpy and barely wearing anything. Most parents would be surprised to find out how much their kids music preference affects their sex life, sex appeal/(clothing).


I love love love the Dove Self-Esteem campain, if anyone has seen the commercials for it..

I also love the dove self esteem campaign. As an aside, we graduated the same year.

I am curious, though, isn't the UK much more open about sex ed? I wonder how that relates to the early sexual activity, or if that could be attributed to the big cities and urban feel, which is strongly connected to "growing up too fast"?

I went back for a year of high school after graduating to upgrade to University level credits. My high school I went to didn't have many courses and was very underfunded, we moved about 2 years ago to a better school district and I was still young enough at 19 to attend high school for a year. I'm 21 now. Going to University in the fall.

The UK is very open about sex-ed. I think the big city and urban feel really is somewhat at the root of the earlier sexual activity. Even some kids in the countryside, like my cousins, were affected by that big city feel. Most people, at least where we're from, move to the countryside to get their kids out of the city and "raise them right" but its hard to truly be out in the country in the UK unless you move to the most remote areas, which a lot of people don't like to do because of the lack of amenities.

Its so easy for kids there to do what they want, you could as a child travel half way across the country on the rail system in a day and your parents might never know. When I was young growing up in the summers at my Nan's, I was allowed to take a taxi up to the High (the Harlow Mall) and go shopping by myself! I was allowed to walk up too. A few times I even took my younger brother who was only about 6 at the time.

 

[okiegirl1]

Well, I lived in the country as a kid. and let me tell you, that is a misconception to think I'll move to the country to get away from all the sexual influence on my kids. Heck, we had nothing better to do. I had sex way to early, so did most of my friends.

I didn't even know what I was doing. All I knew at the time was I was getting the attention I was craving.

 

[lupinfarm]

I grew up in suburbia, almost in the country. Sex was the only thing to do in our town, when I was starting high school we had just gotten a movie theatre, and the mall had nothing in it. Aside from the movie theatre there was nothing else to do unless you had a car or your parents would let you get the GO bus to Oshawa which was unlikely as it went (and still does go) through a kind of sketchy area. I can't even explain how many kids got wasted, had sex, did drugs, and all that way too early. There used to be bush parties at the conservation area on a regular basis and it was so dense and dark that the cops had a hard time shutting them down. I remember a house party where a kid was tied up, and his parents' big screen television stolen. Or the year when a boy who had gotten drunk and high decided to cross the 401 (major 3-lane divided highway that went through town) to get a pack of cigarettes from the truck stop across the highway...he was hit by cars in all 3 lanes and died. I remember when I was THIRTEEN going to lunch with another girl and on the way back to school, not entirely realizing at first, stopping to sell Hash to a bunch of high schoolers! Her parents had hash readily available in a box in their basement and didn't even notice how fast she was going downhill. She was one of those kids as miss_thenorth describes whose parents left a couple condoms out on the counter and expected her to fend for herself.

Out here in the country unless you have a car there isn't much you can do, obviously kids have sex but lots of teenagers have sex, but most of the kids out here grow up on farms and are expected to participate in farm life after school. Lots of teens I went to school with last year were having sex, but it's not different from life in suburbia -- it's just harder to disappear for a few hours out here.

At least that is what its like here. Everyone has their own experiences and every area is different by a long long way. We can't ever generalize, a parent could have 2 teens and one is way too immature to take anything like a sexual relationship seriously, whereas the other is perfectly capable of understanding when to say no, how to be safe, and when they think they're comfortable enough and in a good enough relationship to have sex.

 

[big brown horse]

I grew up in suburbia, almost in the country. Sex was the only thing to do in our town, when I was starting high school we had just gotten a movie theatre, and the mall had nothing in it. Aside from the movie theatre there was nothing else to do unless you had a car or your parents would let you get the GO bus to Oshawa which was unlikely as it went (and still does go) through a kind of sketchy area. I can't even explain how many kids got wasted, had sex, did drugs, and all that way too early. There used to be bush parties at the conservation area on a regular basis and it was so dense and dark that the cops had a hard time shutting them down. I remember a house party where a kid was tied up, and his parents' big screen television stolen. Or the year when a boy who had gotten drunk and high decided to cross the 401 (major 3-lane divided highway that went through town) to get a pack of cigarettes from the truck stop across the highway...he was hit by cars in all 3 lanes and died. I remember when I was THIRTEEN going to lunch with another girl and on the way back to school, not entirely realizing at first, stopping to sell Hash to a bunch of high schoolers! Her parents had hash readily available in a box in their basement and didn't even notice how fast she was going downhill. She was one of those kids as miss_thenorth describes whose parents left a couple condoms out on the counter and expected her to fend for herself.

Out here in the country unless you have a car there isn't much you can do, obviously kids have sex but lots of teenagers have sex, but most of the kids out here grow up on farms and are expected to participate in farm life after school. Lots of teens I went to school with last year were having sex, but it's not different from life in suburbia -- it's just harder to disappear for a few hours out here.

At least that is what its like here. Everyone has their own experiences and every area is different by a long long way. We can't ever generalize, a parent could have 2 teens and one is way too immature to take anything like a sexual relationship seriously, whereas the other is perfectly capable of understanding when to say no, how to be safe, and when they think they're comfortable enough and in a good enough relationship to have sex.

*fingers poked into ears, eyes shut tight and sings: "La la la la la la la la la la" LOUDLY!!!*

Lupin, just curious, how big is your home town?

 

[lupinfarm]

BBH, When we moved to Btown the town was quite a bit smaller than it is today. Today the town is probably about 25,000, and its a sea of subdivision houses and strip malls. There is still very little to do there, still just a movie theatre and no jobs at all really. Never has been. Take most of the major roads 10 minutes out of town and you're in the country. The bus system is better now though, and the town does have a bus route and its cheaper and easier to get into Oshawa.

The township I live in now has about 4000 people living in it, and in town maybe 1300 people. My brother goes to a high school that services 4 towns with the two furthest towns almost 60km apart. We moved to the country partly because of the animals and partly so my teenage brother couldn't get up to any mischief. My parents didn't like that he could just walk to the (largely useless) mall. Out here he has to ask us to drive him somewhere, or get the bus home to his friends place who lives on the next road. You also can't just get on any kids bus, you have to have a bus note and permission from the bus driver since most of the buses are full up. We're 30 minutes from the nearest city, by car.

 

[Beekissed]

Well, I lived in the country as a kid. and let me tell you, that is a misconception to think I'll move to the city to get away from all the sexual influence on my kids. Heck, we had nothing better to do. I had sex way to early, so did most of my friends.

I didn't even know what I was doing. All I knew at the time was I was getting the attention I was craving.

Ditto, Okie! :/ Bored kids abound in all places, but particularly in the country. Nothing to do on a Saturday night but get physical or drink.