Bee~ Journal of then...

[big brown horse]

Q_A,

Your story is gut wrenching to say the least. That is the number one reason I chose not to seek marriage after my divorce.

I strengthened all of my relationships with my female (and a few platonic male) friends and my family (especially my family) and took on raising this child of mine.

My daughter is just nearing the teenage years and I don't suspect that she will go through them as a "MEANager". That stuff is not tolerated here one bit either.

So, I think I will be able to join you to say "I LOVE my teenager!" in a few more years too.

 

[Beekissed]

"And thank you for cleaning up your mess"



I always say please and thank you to my kids (at least I try). They say please and thank you to others. Being polite should be second nature. Kids talk to others like they are spoken to (or cussed at). To learn respect you have to be given respect.

I treat my DOGS better than some kids are treated. Sometimes I even catch myself saying "Excuse me." to the dog!

Same here, Farm! How can children learn to be polite if their own mother isn't polite to them? When I was growing up, we were never asked to do anything...only ordered to do so. I always ask and don't take no for an answer, so its a soft way of ordering, I guess!

Aly, when children are raised by adults who act like children, its only natural that they all act like children who have had no parental guidance. Not your fault. Again....the adult is the one in control. If they cannot control themselves, how can they expect to control a child?

I was poking a stick in a hornets nest on just this subject on BYC.....if its not the parent's fault when a teen talks to them like a dog and treats them "like crap", then whose fault is it? A virus in the system? Some mysterious thing that teens are supposed to just wake up with one morning, whereas previously they were "my little sweet girl"? Nope. Won't believe that.

I wanted to mouth my parents when I was a teen....who doesn't? I wanted to lay in bed until noon, have everything I ever wanted, not have to do chores or have a job and be as bad as I wanted to be.....who didn't? I just didn't want it bad enough to be wheeling myself around in a wheel chair for the rest of my life....cause that's exactly where I would have been if I had acted out my wants!

 

[big brown horse]

I think those of us with that little bit of land and a few farm animals helps too.

My daughter has her bff over and I gave them a long list of chores to do, like brush the horses, re hang the feeder buckets, gather eggs, etc. BOTH are running in and out happily checking off the list.
They don't know this because I don't believe in bribes, but I'm taking the to the local lake for a nice swim as soon as they finish.

Caring for animals and the garden gives them purpose and a little focus. (And it will hopefully will get them in the sack earlier tonight!) Responsibility is KEY in my belief!

Bee, I'm going over to BYC to see what you are up to!

 

[Beekissed]

Well, I know when I go off on this subject, I sound soooooo self-righteous, but I don't mean to. It just irritates me to no end when people blame society or "the times" when they have brats. Then the rest of us suffer because they don't want to do their jobs. I never could bear a lazy person.

I'm thinking....if I could do it by myself, what in the heck is the excuse for these folks who have two parents? Two people, a united front and support for each other with this tough job. What a luxury!

What makes folks think that kids have to have a cell phone, a computer, cable TV, ten thousand after school commitments and parties? So they will "fit in"? Isn't that helping the peers put on the pressure? It seems like more of a case of parents giving in to peer pressure than it does the teens.

My nieces and nephews all had their own cell phones while still in grade school! The reason? Because all the kids have them and so they could call their mom after this or that sports practice. Four kids in the same grade school, four different phones.

Grade school.

What in the world do they have to look forward to if they have a full social schedule, cell phones, proms, etc. while still in grade school? No wonder they are all bored out of their skulls by normal, every day activities....they've been titillated, entertained, catered to and given every privilege.

Society's fault? You won't ever convince me of this.

 

[Farmfresh]

I normally only lurk on BYC, but I looked up this thread you were talking about.

Oh my goodness. It is so sad that "society" has messed up those kids. Right.

You get 'em Bee!

 

[Beekissed]

Do they even know how ridiculous that sounds? C'mon!!! Did society buy that cell phone and computer, did it let your teen lay in the bed all day or tell it to smart mouth you?

I don't know who exactly this Society person is, but they are in severe need of a butt kickin'!!!!

 

[Blackbird]

Some of those teenage rants on BYC are pathetic. I often see teens like that and its pretty sickening. I'm probably proof that its not 'just a teen thing', (but then again everyone seems to think I'm crazy), its the upbringing of the kid. Not to say that I'm oh-so-holy. Everyone has their bad days and wanting to be lazy and everything, me incuded, but some of the stuff on there is pathetic. When I get older, I'd love to have kids, but you can sure as hell bet that I won't be allowing some of that @#$%.

 

[Farmfresh]

The absolute sense of entitlement is BEWILDERING as well.

Cell phone, game systems ... no BETTER cell phone and game systems ... TV DVD and CABLE in their bedroom? Are you kidding me?

My kids were lucky to have a nice bed with fancy matching bed ruffles! We had ONE TV in the whole house and THAT was in the unfinished BASEMENT.


They got me a little riled up too.

I don't mind jumping in there to back you up. It might look a little weird since I only lurk, but so far you got it covered sister!

 

[Farmfresh]

Blackbird -

Some people are MEANs, some people are teens, and some are young adults!

We need more like you!

 

[Beekissed]

Amen, sister! Blackbird and ticks are proof that they are actually out there.....as well as my boys. If people could see how sweet and tender that my boys treat me they would wonder what meds I have been slipping them. They wouldn't dream of yelling at me or saying something to hurt me. They go out of their way to make me happy. It feels good. And, of course, I do the same for them....within reason. Just like any good relationship, there is a lot of mutual consideration involved.

Of course, they want video games, cell phones and computers....what kid doesn't like to zone out with other kids? But, they were taught that gadgets need to be earned with their own money. After working so hard for their money they then found out that they didn't want to spend it on gadgets!